GAME OVER!

Computer and other games

Greetings, Fellow Gamers!
     Competitiveness runs deep in the human spirit.  So does the
urge to play with ideas.  Every time a new technology has been 
developed, someone quickly figures out how to use it to kill
time.  From musical rocks to the Internet, one of the prime
movers of technology amounts nothing more than people fooling
around.  The urge to play is among the most universal of human
attributes.  In one sense, life itself is a game, with winners
and losers, people who play and people who don't.  Our games are
just extensions of our desire to be masters of our world, even if
it's only a world the size of a tabletop.
     There are always new and novel games introduced and the game
industry is always trolling for the next 'Monopoly' or 'Trivial
Pursuit' money farm.  There are fortunes to be made in helping
people waste time.  But some games seem to have been with us
since around the time humans first walked upright.  In the
British Museum, there is a Greek amphora decorated with a picture
of Ajax and Achilles playing a game known as Petteia.  Virtually
the same game is played today in variations such as the East
Asian game of 'Go,' the Western game "Othello" and even the
computer game, 'Reversi.'  And modern Nigerians play a board game
known as 'Ayo' that was already a couple of millennia old when
Ajax played Achilles.  Variations of that game are known in other
cultures and languages as 'wari,' 'gabata' or 'mancala' and are
played from the Philippines all the way to the Caribbean.  Even
the humble game of checkers (or draughts, for you British folk)
goes back to at least 1,400 BCE, when the ancient Egyptians
carved recognizable checkerboards into the stone slabs of the
great temple of Kurna.
     Our games, like our language, reflect who we are as a
culture and how we view the world.  Playing cards may be among
the most uniform of games, but they show many cultural
variations.  Our traditional English hearts, spades, diamonds and
clubs become hearts, leaves, bells and acorns in Germany.  In
some parts of Italy, they use suits of coins, cups, swords and
batons.  And it certainly is a reflection of Japanese character
that their traditional game, 'Go,' has rules so simple that a
first grader can manage them, but strategy so complex that grand
masters devote their entire lives to learn it.
     Thanks this week to all of our contestants, including:
Kiyomi Kanazawa, R.J. Tully, Beth Butler, Jerry Taff, Dr. Eva Lu
Yu-Hwa, John Wallner, Bruce Gonzo, Nancy Wohlge, Ellen Peterson,
Tim McChain, Kerry Miller, Shawn Mullen, Paul Roser, Jan
Michalski and Joshua Brink.   Hmm...  There has to be a way to
get people to play mancala as a computer game.  Or, more to the
point, a way to make a ton of money at it.  While I try to make
that the next 'Doom,' you folks play along with this week's
slightly gamey Funnies.
     Have A Winning Week!


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CHESS PAINS?
-----------
     Though chess has its origins in ancient India as a simulated
table top battle, it would be difficult to find a more gentle and
elite sport than chess.  The top players tend toward the genius
level, especially at the Grand Prix level.  The battles of the
boards take on a cultured, intellectual level with even a minimum
of verbal sparring.
     Until now.
     Two Australian chess masters face being banned from the game
after coming to blows during Australia's premier chess tournament
last April.  The two players, David Beaumont and Alexander Gaft,
started fighting after Beaumont complained that Gaft, who had
completed his match of the round, was harassing him while he
played.  Words were exchanged, then blows.  Things quickly
descended to an 'All-Star Wrestling' level.
     Other players eventually pulled the hockey-style chess
masters apart.  Both combatants were disqualified.
     "We have had people thrown out of the tournament before but
never for fighting," chief arbiter Shaun Press of the Australian
Chess Federation said.  (Reuters)
          [ Sounds like Australian rules chess may be
          nearly as tough as  Australian rules
          football. ]


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     "Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last
     mistake."
                       - Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch
                         Tartakower

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GETTING THE LAST WORD....
---------------------
     Everyone knew the late Anetta Duel loved crossword puzzles. 
The 99-year-old British widow lived to solve her Daily Telegraph
crossword each day.
     Until last year, anyway.  Apparently, Mrs. Duel was working
on the daily crossword when she realized she was on her way to
solving life's final puzzle, so she wrote out her last will and
testament on the newspaper around the edge of the puzzle.
     "I leave all my money and possessions to Len (her nephew)
and I hope he will be happy as long as he lives.  God bless you,
Aunty Nettie.  Goodbye." 
     Legal experts said that the will met all legal tests and it
is pretty unlikely that there could be a later will.
     The nephew, Leonard Andrean told the paper: "Our aunt was
mentally active until she died and it seems that when she decided
to make her will the only available paper on which she could
write was her crossword puzzle."  (Reuters)
          [ 21 Down - Final Reward ]


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HAVING A BALL IN CAMPOROSSO?  NOT LIKELY!
----------------------------------------
     Like most countries outside the U.S., Italy is crazy for
soccer.  That, in itself isn't unusual - it is almost impossible
to get away from the game in most parts of the world, with kids
and adults playing in every vacant lot or empty street.  After
all, it can be played with a minimum of equipment.  It only takes
a ball - or even something that can pass as a ball.
     Except in the town of Camporosso.  According to the Italian
news agency ANSA, a youngster kicking a ball around the streets
of this northern Italian town could be fined up to 50,000 lire
($23).  They could lose the ball, too.
     The Camporosso town council, apparently tired of dodging
flying goal kicks, red carded the playing of any game that
includes "throwing of objects" in its streets or squares.
(Reuters)
          [ Or was that just throwing of objects at
          stupid politicians? ]


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THE SCANDAL GAME...
----------------
     Sure, it sounds like a sexy, new romance novel, but this
computer game has to do with the current political scandal in
Germany.  In case you haven't been following international
politics, ex-Chancellor Helmut Kohl admitted recently that he
took secret campaign gifts while in power on behalf of his
Christian Democratic party.
     In the computer game, players try to give cash-stuffed
briefcases to Kohl, who is pictured smiling in a Superman-style
uniform with "Koenig" (King) across his chest.
     Other disgraced German politicians are featured in the game
as well, including former Ex-Interior Minister Manfred Kanther,
who is shown wearing a spiked, Prussian-style army helmet. 
Kanther was forced to resign after investigators found out about
foreign slush funds under his control.
     But players lose points if they toss a briefcase of cash at
the party's new leader, Angela Merkel, whose scandal-free image
has propelled her rise to power.
     The game can be found on the Internet at:

www.bimbesrepublik.com

"Bimbes" is a regional slang word Kohl supposedly used to mean
money.  And in case you are worried about money, you won't need a
briefcase full of cash to play the game, either; the website
notes it is a "Kostenloser Download," which is German for free. 
(Reuters)
          [ So that's how the game of politics is
          played in Germany? ]


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     "On the human chessboard, all moves are possible."
                       - Miriam Schiff

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SURVIVAL OF THE SITTEST?
-----------------------
     A booklet put out by England's Labor government warns
teachers that some games are inappropriate for a classroom
setting and should be banned because they encourage aggression.
     I know, you're thinking they mean wrestling or football or
tag.  Or maybe, dodgeball.  They're not.  They mean musical
chairs.
     Musical chairs?  The booklet's author, one Sue Finch, even
admits that most folks don't think of this kids game as being in
in the same league as video games like 'Street Fighter.'  But she
claims that musical chairs is harmful to children's self-image.
     "A little bit of competition is fine," Finch was quoted as
saying, "but with musical chairs the competition is not fair
because it is always the biggest and strongest children who win." 
     " ... political correctness gone mad," counters Theresa May,
education spokeswoman for the opposition Conservative Party. 
(Reuters)
          [ Sometimes doesn't it make you wonder how
          our species ever survived long enough to ask
          such silly questions? ]


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APPLIANCE SCIENCE
-----------------
     One of our friends was playing Trivial Pursuit at a party
with a woman who has a reputation of being no Einstein.  On one
turn, she got the 'Science & Nature' question: "If you are in a
vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
     She thought about this for quite a while before asking, "Is
it turned on or off?"


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THE ULTIMATE COMPUTER SIMULATION?
--------------------------------
     Her name is Rachel.  She loves attention, but ignoring her
quickly puts her into a foul mood.  Her friends at the Italian
multimedia company Peruzzo Informatica, describe her as 
"incredibly charming, passionate, capricious."
     But she doesn't exist.  Not really, anyway.  Rachel is a
virtual woman, a computer simulation described as a "Tamagotchi
for adults."  She could be in a bad mood but responds to being
sent flowers, and may gradually become closer to her cyber-
suitor.  She could even reward him with a screen striptease.  But
isn't it a little weird to have such a close and personal
relationship with a machine?
     "There's nothing pornographic about it, it's just a game," a
company spokesman said.
     The virtual woman, which was earlier a hit in Germany and
the Netherlands, cost Italian cyber Casanovas about 34,900 lire
($20).  (Reuters)
          [ Besides the sexist aspects, isn't wooing a
          virtual girlfriend a little like dining on a
          photo of a steak in a cookbook? ]


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THINGS WE'VE LEARNED FROM PLAYING VIDEO GAMES
---------------------------------------------

   - There is no problem that cannot be overcome by violence.

   - Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training.

   - You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough
     quarters.

   - If it moves, KILL IT!

   - One good guy can defeat an indeterminate number of bad guys.

   - Bosses always hire henchmen weaker than they are to do the 
     dirty work.

   - You can smash things and not get in trouble.

   - Many nice things are hidden inside other things.

   - You can knock other vehicles off the road and not crash or
     be arrested.

   - If someone dies, they disappear.

   - Money is frequently found lying on the streets.

   - All shopkeepers carry high-tech weapons.

   - You can't get hurt while smashing things.

   - If you get mad enough, you can fight even more fiercely than
     normal.

   - If it's on the ground, pick it up.  If it's food, eat it.

   - The operation of any high-tech weapon is simple and obvious.

   - You never run out of ammunition, just grenades.

   - Lara Croft would be a swell girlfriend, except that she'd
     probably shoot you for being such a nerd.

   - No matter how long you fight, you can always fight again.

   - "Bad guys" move in predictable patterns.

   - Except for "bosses," most "bad guys" can be dispatched with
     one hit.

   - It's easier to face a large mob of "bad guys" than a single
     "boss" in one-on-one combat.

   - Death is reversible, but only a few times.

   - Ninjas are common, and frequently fight in public.

   - Whenever fat evil men are about to die, they begin flashing
     red or yellow.

   - When you are born, you drop out of the sky (a confirmation
     of the stork theory?) and are completely invincible for a
     while.

   - Although the enemy always has more aircraft than you, they
     always fly in elaborate patterns which make it easier for
     you to shoot them down.

   - All female martial artists wear revealing clothes and have
     fabulous figures.

   - All martial arts males have rippling muscles and angry
     expressions.

   - The bad guys always leave weapons and other goodies lying
     around so their enemies can use them.

   - Shoot everything.  If it blows up or dies, it was evil and
     deserved it.  If it survives, pick it up - it was probably a
     bonus.

   - The most powerful fighters always wait until you have
     achieved a nearly impossible flawless win record and killed
     a record number of opponents before they appear in your
     presence and beat the crud out of you.

   - When the odds are 200 to 1 against you, it is no problem.

   - Gang members all look the same, and often have the same
     names.

   - When racing, don't worry if your vehicle crashes and
     explodes.  A new one will appear in its place momentarily.

   - Carpe diem!  After all, you only live three times.


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