Hello Again, Fellow Voters...
The two major political parties in America are holding
conventions to nominate their candidates for the November
election. Now there is only one question - why? The candidates
- Bush and Gore - have been absolutely known since at least
April, and there aren't likely to be any surprises at either of
the conventions, so why are we subjecting ourselves to all of
this political theater? Even the basic themes of their campaigns
are known: it's the Republicans Compassionate Conservatism
versus the Pragmatic Idealism of the Democrats. Welcome to
oxymoron central control. Many political platforms don't make
sense, but the words should at least sound like word one and word
two know each other. As Comedian Will Durst points out,
these platforms might as well be campaigning for vegetarian
butchers, discreet exhibitionists or aluminum fruit. But what
other choice do we have?
Oh, sure... There are some third-party candidates like the
Green Party's Ralph Nader, Socialist David McReynolds and
perpetual Pat Robertson, but they have about the same chance of
being elected US president as they have of becoming Queen of
Bulgaria. Actually, seeing that we got all the way through the
last century without even one win by a third party, they could
have a BETTER chance of becoming Queen of Bulgaria.
Thanks this week to our friends and supporters - none of
whom is running for office. And we're thankful for that. Hello
to: Caterina Sukup, Carol J. Becwar, Jerry Taff, Bruce Gonzo,
Fumiko Umino, Nnamdi Elleh, Kathleen Beckmann, RJ Tulley, Sharon
Nuernberg, Brian Siegl, Larry Sakar and the TMER&THS gang, Beth
Butler, Ellen Peterson, Gail Schneider/Cassafer, Kerry Miller,
Helen Yee, Laura Hong Li, Jan Michalski, Yasmin & Meredith
Leischer, and Keiko Amakawa (who's not a candidate, but may play
one on TV).
It's easy enough to joke about politicians. Candidates for
office aspire to rise above us, are always speaking in public,
have the press writing down everything they say, and are
desperate to show off how intelligent and wise they are. This is
a nearly perfect recipe to get folks to say something really
foolish. Catching a politician saying something stupid is easier
as hunting dairy cattle with a bazooka. But much more
satisfying, especially when you consider that, with politicians'
tax-funded salaries, benefits and retirement programs, we might
as well get a few laughs out of it. After all, we've already
paid for the show.
Have A Great Week,
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"The golden age of comedy is over."
- Comedian Jay Leno, appearing on
"Meet the Press," on Clinton
leaving office.
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BUT WILL IT PLAY IN PEORIA?
--------------------------
Even opponents had to concede that the folks who ran Bill
Clinton's 1996 presidential campaign knew what they were doing
and understood the media and its limitations. The President's
handlers determined early in the campaign that 'saving' Medicare
(the U.S. health insurance plan for the elderly) would be a
popular way to put the budget-cutting Republicans on the run.
The problem was, if it became known, the Republicans would
counter with their own ads. So they had to keep it out of the
news.
How could they accomplish that, with reporters following the
president everywhere? They quietly filmed commercials showing
Clinton meeting with the elderly people featuring the slogan
"doing what's moral, good and right by our elderly." They then
spent millions of dollars running the spot on TV. But to keep it
out of the news, they simply avoided running the ads in the New
York, Los Angeles or Washington, D.C. markets. The mainstream
media never noticed and never reported on it, because nothing
notable ever happens away from the news capitals. (Newsweek)
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DO-IT-YOURSELF DEPARTMENT...
-------------------------
Clinton's people knew how to use the media, but some
politicians clearly don't. Like the provincial politician in
Canada who tried to sway an election in his favor by using the
media.
A number of letters supporting British Columbia legislator
Paul Reitsma and attacking his opponents ran in the editorial
opinion section of local newspapers. Of course, Reitsma agreed
with everything in the letters.
He should have; he wrote them.
Reitsma admitted he had written phony letters and sent them
to the papers under false names. Voters outraged by the
deception demanded a recall with a petition drive that gathered
over 25,000 signatures. Real ones. This was greater than the
40% of registered voters required.
Reitsma was forced to resign or he would have been booted
from office under Canadian law. (Reuters)
[ That's fair. After all, he could always
write a protest letter about it. ]
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"I've found myself described as 'political' an awful
lot, and I don't like (it) at all. For me that word, in
most people's minds, brings up connotations of
dishonesty, manipulation, self-serving."
- Director TIM ROBBINS, in theaters
with the blacklist movie "Cradle
Will Rock" -- as quoted in US
magazine.
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EGGSACTLY SAFE...
--------------
It took an extensive study and experimentation by Brazilian
security forces, but they finally have an answer for how to keep
President Fernando Henrique Cardoso safe from egg throwers.
Keep him more than 180 feet (60 meters) away.
You were expecting something high tech? Nope... Many
people in Brazil have been angered by the country's economic
problems and several prominent politicians have been struck by
egg throwing protestors. Or would they be eggstremists? At any
rate, Cardoso's guards studied egg defense, even recruiting their
own champion egg throwing squad in an attempt to keep their
president from becoming a political Ceasar salad. (Reuters)
[ Cardoso's not chicken, just eggsaperated. ]
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HONORED IN SMALL WAYS - VERY SMALL
----------------------------------
People have pretty mixed feeling about Bill Clinton, with
everything that has happened during his eight years in office.
Now it's clear that even the folks back home in Arkansas aren't
too sure how they feel about him.
In the state capital of Little Rock, the local board of
directors voted to name a street after him as former state
governor and president.
But not all of it. Only two blocks of the 21-block-long
Markham Street will be named for Clinton when he leaves office.
The rest of the street will remain as Markham Street - not that
it satisfies Clinton's opponents.
"The people who've contacted me say they're interested in
preserving the city's historical legacy," Republican member of
the Board Brad Cazort said.
Even though local historians are at a loss about who Markham
was or why a street was named after him, or her - or it, for that
matter. (Reuters)
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REEL LIFE COUNTERPARTS?
----------------------
Actress Lucy Lawless, otherwise known as TV's, "Xena, The
Warrior Princess" was asked by a Reporter who is most like her in
real life.
[U. S. Secretary of State] "Madeline Albright. She's a
tough chick... I'd hate to meet her in a dark alley."
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THEY ALSO SERVE WHO ONLY SIT AND SLEEP...
--------------------------------------
Under the U.S. Constitution, the Vice President is the
country's second highest office. This is the guy who gets the
big desk if anything happens to the president. He is also the
usual representative of the U.S. Government at funerals of
foreign leaders. And the vice president acts as president protem
and gets to vote to break ties in the Senate, which happens once
every few years.
That's it.
While a few vice presidents went on to other things, the
great majority faded into absolute obscurity. Some of them even
before leaving office. It's worth noting that, of the 45 vice
presidents of the U.S., fourteen have become president, but only
five were elected to their own terms as president - and all in
the last century. Some notable vice presidential achievements:
- John Nance Garner, one of Franklin Roosevelt's three vice
presidents, was quoted as saying that the job of vice
president "wasn't worth a bucket of warm spit."
- President James Madison must have been especially hard on
vice presidents during his two terms. His first veep,
George Clinton, died in office during Madison's first term,
and Elbridge Gerry, Madison's vice president in his second
term also died in office.
- Theodore Roosevelt attended law school as vice president for
fear that he wouldn't have enough to do otherwise.
- Vice president under George Washington, Aaron Burr was
indicted for Alexander Hamilton's murder while in office.
He was later charged with treason, as well. Burr died on
his eightieth birthday, on the same day that the divorce
from his second wife became final, on grounds of adultery --
his.
- Richard Nixon made history by becoming the first politician
to receive a review in the showbiz newspaper 'Variety' after
his famous "Checkers" speech on television.
- Dan Quayle's wife, Marilyn, dismissed hints of scandal about
a golf outing of his that included young women by saying,
"Anyone who knows Dan Quayle knows that he would rather play
golf than have sex any day."
But the man who set the highest standard for the office of
vice president, the guy who defined for all time just what the
office was about and its place of importance in American politics
was James Schoolcraft Sherman. As running mate to William Howard
Taft in 1916, he received 3.5 million votes for vice president.
Hardly anyone noticed that Sherman had died a week before the
election. This remains a record for a dead vice presidential
candidate.
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ALL IN THE FAMILY...
-----------------
What do ex-U.S. President Jimmy Carter and rock and roll
star Elvis Presley have in common? Except for the fact that both
were southerners who started out poor but didn't stay that way,
not very much. But they do have Valentine Preslar in common.
A geneological researcher was able to prove that Preslar,
who was born in Germany around 1669 and immigrated to New York in
1709, was a common ancestor to both Carter and Presley. This
means that the President and the late King are probably sixth
cousins once removed. (Reuters)
[ Once removed by who? ]
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IT'S ALL GREEK TO ME...
--------------------
People sometimes complain that it is hard to tell the
candidates apart, because they all look and act the same. But
things could be worse.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Dimosthenes Vergis.
Trust me, he's worse.
As a candidate for an Eco-fringe party named the 'Ecological
Union of Greece,' Vergis was certainly colorful. And possibly
certifiable. Taking a cue from ancient Greek democracy - and
college fraternity parties, the modern Dimosthenes delivers many
of his speeches wearing a toga.
The rest of his candidacy plays like a scene from the movie
"Animal House," too. Like his advertising by having his party's
name on the bare buttocks of nightclub dancers. He also had
topless models hand out campaign pamphlets on a central avenue in
Athens. Where other candidates woo the family values vote and
try to show how moral they are, Vergis boasts about his visits to
the nude beaches of Mykynos and acknowledges that he has fathered
at least 19 illegitimate children, though he admits there may be
as many as 35.
The 59-year-old Vergis has appeared naked on some of the
campaign posters, as well. This last bit got him into trouble
with the inter-party election committee. Vergis was surprisingly
proud of that.
Of course, as he tells it, this was all for a serious
ecological purpose and his party's only political stand: Vergis
is against the use of real Christmas trees.
"I'd like to ask Mrs. President of the United States,
Hillary, to show more sensitivity and not to decorate 22 trees at
the White House every year," Vergis said.
Not that he isn't patriotic. When Greece and Turkey almost
went to war over a tiny, deserted island in 1996, Vergis produced
a political poster showing him naked, supposedly on the disputed
island, inviting Turkey's female prime minister Tansu Ciller to
"Come and get it." (Reuters)
[ And if Vergis was here in the U.S., you'd
be able to measure Ken Starr's blood pressure
on the Richter scale. ]
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© 2000 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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