A DOG'S LIFE

A SUNFUN Look At Canines...

Hello Again, Dog Lovers...
     Of the two animal species most likely to find a home in our
homes, you'll notice that only dogs are called 'man's best
friend.'  The reason for this is probably our own vanity.  Dogs
see humans as wise and intelligent superior beings who feed them. 
Cats see themselves as wise and intelligent superior beings who
are fed by humans.  Only dogs seem to understand that they are
owned by us, and not the other way around.
     Scientists tell us that all modern dogs are descended from
semi-domesticated wolves that hung around the campfire with our
cave-dwelling ancestors.  It is pretty clear that we have been
messing with their genes over the last few millennia, trying to
make these mini-wolves even more dependent on us.  Over the
years, dogs have been quite patient with us as we've adapted them
to suit our oddest fads and fancies.  Imagine, for a moment, a
pack of wild miniature dachshunds bringing down a fleeing deer
and you get an idea of what I mean.  And haven't you ever
wondered if maybe other dogs regard poodles as members of some
weird religious cult?
     Dogs are so commonly found around hanging around with humans
that they also appear in many common expressions.  Out in Texas,
there are the "Yellow Dog Democrats" -- so called because some of
those folks would vote for a yellow dog, just as long as the
tail-wagger wasn't a Republican.  In the same place, someone
whose "dogs aren't all on one leash" is scatterbrained and "them
puppies won't hunt" is an idea whose time hasn't come - and
probably never will.  Nearly everywhere "raining cats and dogs"
is a heavy downpour, dogged is very determined, doggone is too
bad, a dog paddle will keep you afloat and if "you're in the
doghouse," you've got troubles, indeed.  And "putting on the dog"
is dressing up - that one I've never understood.
     Thanks this week to all of our loyal friends and
contributors, whether they have two or four feet, including:
Jerry Taff, Carol J. Becwar, Brian Siegl, Jorge "Coco" Lenta,
Joshua Brink, Kerry Miller, Tim McChain, Bruce Gonzo, Sharon
Nuernberg, Nancy Wohlge, Jan Michalski, Caterina & Jim Sukup,
Helen Yee, and Peter J. Adler.  And that goes for your little
dogs, too, as the Wicked Witch of the West was so fond of saying. 
Personally, I think we keep dogs around because we are quite fond
of creatures that worship us and that we are always amused by
their joy and the funny things they do.  Because they always seem
so earnest and determined to please us, we look at them as being
wise.  As Victor Borge said, "The difference between a violinist
and a dog is that the dog knows when to stop scratching."  What
does that have to do with dogs?  Well frankly, not a lot.  But
Borge WAS a great Dane....
     Have A Week That Doesn't Shed!


--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

     "Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best
     friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
                            - Groucho Marx

--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

WAG THE DOG...
-----------
     There is an old legend that people look like their dogs. 
While this isn't quite true, it is pretty clear that people tend
to be surprisingly like their four-footed friends in personality. 
Clearly, this is some self-selection to this.  I mean, how likely
is it the some tough biker dude is going to be really into
miniature poodles?
     According to a study by Canadian psychologist Stanley Coren,
dogs very often match the personalities of their owners, except
that they tend to be more loving, loyal and easier to live with -
- and they wag their tails.  The furry ones wag their tails, not
the ones who walk upright.
     Coren's book, "Why We Love the Dogs We Do," is the result of
interviews with over 6,000 people who ranked themselves on
extroversion, warmth, dominance and trust.  The dogs were ranked
according to their cleverness, independence, friendliness and
steadiness.  Hard to say if that's the way the dogs would have
ranked themselves, but apparently no one thought to ask them.
     According to Coren, breeds like setters, with their
independent personalities, are best suited for men with low trust
and extroversion scores.  You might say that they are the perfect
pets for paranoids.  Terriers, on the other hand, were better
companions for humans with dominant personalities.  It's no
coincidence, Coren says, that former President Richard Nixon
liked Irish Setters and John F. Kennedy favored Welsh terriers. 
I'm not sure this quite explains why poodles were former British
Prime Minister Winston Churchill's favorite breed.  Maybe he
liked having someone in the room that always looked sillier than
he did.  Coren does claim that dogs individual personalities
really fulfill deep human needs.
     "The fact that we treat dogs as part of our social life --
like friends or companions -- is perhaps best shown by the fact
we talk to them," said Coren, a psychology professor at the
University of British Columbia.  (Reuters)
          [ Because we talk to them?  I would guess
          that Coren has never been around many people
          using computers... ]

--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

     "To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant
     popularity of dogs."
                            - Aldous Huxley

--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

THE DOG MAN COMETH...
------------------
     Most people have a hard time understanding what their dogs
are telling them, but not Kevin Behan.  In his quest to
understand everything he can about canine personality, Behan
frolics with the dogs, becoming one of them.   His innovative
training methods have been compared to "horse whispering," as he
makes faces and gestures at the dogs, seeking to change their
behavior by understanding more about what dogs want and need than
the canines know themselves.  His animated body language during
training is aimed at relating to dogs in much the same way they
relate to each other. 
     "I try to communicate with the dog on that basis, I try to
turn on that deep energy that's in reserve. ...  That mimics how
dogs play, that mimics how they do the prey-predator thing," he
said.
     The only thing is, humans may not want to know what their
little pooches are after -- it might be a little too close to
shockingly wild.  Behan's message is that nothing would give your
little four-footed friend more joy than to feel the spine of a
deer cracking between his jaws.  According to Behan, that is OK;
every dog is a hunter at heart.  His training philosophy
philosophy is to channel Fido's predatory instincts, rather than
trying to crush them.  Behan wants dogs to get in touch with the
wolf within.
     "You have to have faith in the wild nature of the dog so the
dog can trust you,'' Behan says.  "The foundation principle [of
my method] is that what is most natural about the dog, its
wildest essence ... is good,"  (Reuters)
          [ I can't see how that explains why those
          yappy little dogs do the "pee on the carpet"
          thing... ]


--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

     "Ever consider what they must think of us?  I mean,
     here we come back from a grocery store with the most
     amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow.  They must
     think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" 
                            - Anne Tyler

--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

DOG TRAINING...
------------
     Things that dogs are trying to teach us:

   - If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get
     what you want.

   - Don't go out without proper ID.

   - Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by
     either wagging your tail and acting excited, growling and
     baring your teeth, or piddling on their shoes.

   - Stay aware of your surroundings.

   - There is nothing wrong with being joyful.

   - Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.

   - Sometimes, you SHOULD chase the rabbit.

   - Being a son of a bitch isn't really all that bad.

   - Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.

   - Always give people a friendly greeting.  A cold nose can be
     a good way to wake folks up.

   - When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as
     soon as they drag you out from under the bed).

   - If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.


--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

     "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and
     dogs should relax and get used to the idea." 
                            - Robert A. Heinlein

--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

JOB STRESS
----------
     Jed is a working dog.  As a police dog with the Sydney,
Australia police department, his main goal in life is to find
explosives.  The bomb-sniffing Golden Labrador is a critical part
of the local police security detail, where his sharp nose and
advanced training make him unbeatable at finding hidden
explosives.  He was even part of the security detail for last
year's Olympic games.
     But it wasn't Jed's nose that led him astray - it was his
ears.  Sometime during the celebration last New Year's Eve, the
five-year-old bomb-sniffing dog decided he had enough of the
city's multi-million dollar New Year fireworks extravaganza.  Jed 
broke out of his enclosure, obviously in search of quieter
surroundings without all the random explosions.
     "Jed was obviously very frightened by the (fireworks) and
smashed his way through the backyard fence to escape," police
spokesman sergeant Paul Jarrett said.  "They are trained to find
explosives, but they do not all like the sound of them."
(Reuters)
          [ Something Jed's human bomb squad colleagues
          would likely understand completely. ]


--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

     "Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually
     unnoticed by a Great Dane."
                            - Smiley Blanton

--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

WHY MEN LIKE DOGS
-----------------

   - A dog's parents will never visit you.

   - A dog loves you even more when you leave your clothes on the
     floor.

   - Dogs limit their time in the bathroom to a quick drink.

   - A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.

   - Dogs never expect you to telephone.

   - A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.

   - A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.

   - A dog never expects flowers, for any occasion.

   - The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.

   - A dog does not shop.


--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

     "A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to
     turn around three times before lying down." 
                            - Robert Benchley

--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

PET PROJECT
-----------
     There are a great many famous dog shows out there, but not
many like the one Universal Studios has been holding recently. 
The folks at the movie theme park have been running the world's
first audition for celebrity look-alike pets.
     The charismatic canines are wanted for a new Animal Planet
Live attraction at Universal Studios in both Hollywood and
Orlando.  
     "We've already heard from a terrier who resembles Tom Hanks
in 'Castaway' and a greyhound that looks like "Ally McBeal" star
Calista Flockhart," said a Universal Studios spokesman. 
(Reuters)
          [ Of course, it's not Universal's first fling
          with look-alike pets and stars.  After all,
          they are the ones that had Lt. Columbo and
          his droopy pet beagle... ]


--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

     "In order to keep a true perspective of one's
     importance, everyone should have a dog that will
     worship him and a cat that will ignore him." 
                            - Dereke Bruce

--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

TOP DOG...
-------
     Usually the street vendors in Thailand are hit pretty hard
when the economy goes to the dogs, but one merchant on the
streets of Nakorn Prathom, Thailand hasn't minded it at all.
     Balloon seller Winai Pimchasai had been making only 60 baht
($1.60) a day until he rescued a poor mongrel dog who had been
hit by a car.  Nursed back to health by the kindly balloon man,
the dog proved his fortune.
     The dog, now dressed in his working outfit of sunglasses and
a yellow T-shirt, now sells more balloons on his own than Winai
ever did, and sometimes earns as much as 300 baht a day.
     "Most passers-by drop coins in the bucket but won't take a
balloon," Winai said.  "He is now the bread winner in the
family."  (Reuters)
          [ Not only that, the dog has been trying to
          convince Winai to get into stock options
          while the market is low, too. ]


--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

     "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous,
     he will not bite you; that is the principal difference
     between a dog and a man."
                            - Mark Twain

--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--

EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY...
---------------------
     A local business was looking for office help.  So they put a
sign in the window, stating: "Help wanted.  Must be able to type,
must be able to handle Excel spreadsheets and must be bilingual. 
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
     A short time afterwards, a large collie trotted up to the
window, saw the sign and went inside.  He looked at the
receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign,
picked it up in his mouth and plopped it down on her desk.
Getting the idea, the receptionist called the office manager
over.  The manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say
the least.  The dog gave a determined look, and pointed to the
sign.
     "I'm sorry - I can't hire you.  The sign says you have to be
able to type."  The dog jumped down, went over to the computer
and proceeded to type and print out a perfect resume and cover
letter.  He picked the pages off of the printer and dropped them
on the manager's desk, then sat down again.
     Needless to say, the manager was stunned.  Recovering
slightly, he said, "I suppose you can do Excel spreadsheets,
too?"  Wagging his tail, the dog trotted over to the computer,
and in short order produced a four-page sample monthly report,
complete with color graphs.  By this time the manager was totally
dumbfounded!
     Finally, he looked at the dog and said, "Look, I realize
that you are a very intelligent dog and have some incredible
abilities.  But I still can't give you the job."  The dog calmly
pointed to the part of the employment sign that said "an equal
opportunity employer" and barked twice.
     The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have
to be bilingual."
     Looking at the office manager with his large brown eyes, the
dog said, "Meow!"


--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--