KIDDING AROUND!

Kids Are Funny...

Hello, All!
     Recently, we got together with some old friends that we
hadn't seen in a while.  The talk ranged from the good old days
and the friends we knew back then to our increasing age and
various middle-age infirmities.  But the number one topic was the
kids and how they have grown and changed.  I guess that's true
for parents everywhere.
     We find as we go along that we learn as much from our
children as they learn from us.  What they learn from us is about
life and doing right and how things really work.  The difference
is that what we mostly learn from them is about ourselves.  Not
that it's a bad thing.  And we do learn a few phrases to help us
decode what younger folks are saying.  But who the heck are the
"Basement Jacks," anyway?
     Even though life is different than when we were kids, kids
do pretty well at figuring out what the adult world is about. 
Only occasionally do they get it wrong, like my 6-year-old niece,
who was going to the doctor for a Hepatitis B shot before
starting school.  She kept telling everyone that she had a "Hot
Potato B" shot.  Then there was another niece who had been
playing the "Solitaire" game in Windows one rainy afternoon. 
Suddenly she got very thoughtful.  "You know," she told her mom,
"I think you could play this game with real cards."
     Special Thanks this week to Libin He & Selene for the tour
and all of the wonderful Chinese food.  Also, congratulations to
our regular contributor and new U.S. citizen Hong Laura Li. 
Thanks too to our friends:  David Zach; Nnamdi Elleh; Beth
Butler; John Peterson; Jerry Taff; Junji Taniguchi; Meredith &
Yasmin Leischer; Carol Becwar; Bob Mehm; Noriko Kreuser; Alison
Becwar; Helen Yee; Caterina Sukup; Celil Guclu; P.Y. & Emmie Yen
and Harry Cherkinian.  Have to go now...  It's time to pick up
daughter Alison from her friend's house.  No, it's not a bother -
I wouldn't have missed being a parent for the world.
     Have A Great Week!


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TEN RULES YOUR KIDS WON'T LEARN IN SCHOOL
-----------------------------------------

   - Life is not fair.  Get used to it.  The average teenager
     uses the phrase: "It's not fair" about 88 times a day.

   - The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as
     your school does.  This may come as a shock.

   - You won't make $40,000 a year right out of high school.  And
     you won't be a vice president or have a fancy car, either. 
     You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a
     designer label.

   - If you think some of your teachers are tough, wait until you
     get a boss.

   - Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.  Everyone
     begins in a job for a beginner.

   - It's not your parents' fault if YOU mess up.  You are
     responsible.  This is the ugly flip side of "It's my life"
     and "You are not my boss."

   - Your parents were not always boring.  They got that way
     taking care of you 24 hours a day for 12 or 15 years.

   - Life is not divided into semesters.  And you don't get
     summers off -- not even spring break.  You will be expected
     to show up, on time, ready to work eight hours a day for 50
     weeks a year -- or more.

   - There will be consequences for not following the rules and
     not meeting other peoples expectations.

   - Life isn't going to be "outcome based."  You won't be given
     as many chances as you want to do the job right.  And
     standards of performance will be a lot higher than in high
     school.


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THE CARD THAT'S NOT QUITE EVERYWHERE YOU WANT TO BE...
---------------------------------------------------
     Colleges recently have complained that credit card companies
have been targeting their students as prospects, probably on the
theory that if the students run up some big debts, mom & dad will
be there to bail them out.  Either way, the card company wins. 
So the card companies have been sending more and more "pre-
approved" cards to younger and younger applicants.
     But they may have gone too far in issuing a card to
Alessandra Scalise of Rochester, New York.  Several weeks after
issuing the card, the bank decided that she was just not
eligible, even though Alessandra had been entirely truthful on
her application.  Among the answers:

          Occupation:  Preschooler

          Reason for Application:  I'd like to have a credit card
                         to buy some toys, but I'm only 3, and my
                         mommy says no.

     First USA Bank in Wilmington, Delaware, which issued the
card, blamed it on a "human error in the process which has been
fixed."   Embarrassed to find that they had given a $5,000 line
of credit to someone not even in kindergarten, the bank cancelled
the card.  But not before the media got hold of the story.  The
David Letterman show expressed interest in interviewing
Alessandra, too -- even though the show is on way past her
bedtime.  (AP)


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MIXED MESSAGES...
--------------
     The Bureau For At-Risk Youth in Plainview, New York should
have listened to the kids first.  They produced pencils with the
slogan "Too Cool To Do Drugs" and distributed them to schools as
part of an anti-drug promotion.  But they have had to recall the
pencils and apologize, since kids quickly discovered that, as the
pencil was sharpened a few times, the message became: "Cool To Do
Drugs" and finally "Do Drugs."
     The Bureau has announced that they will restart the program
once they have pencils made with the message printed the other
way.  (AP)


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IN ONE ERA AND OUT THE OTHER...
----------------------------
     Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts
together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset
of that year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:


   - The people who are starting college this fall across the
     nation were born after 1980.

   - They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and
     did not know he had ever been shot.

   - Most can only really remember one president.

   - They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not
     remember the Cold War.  They have never feared a nuclear
     war.

   - They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up,
     and Tiananmen Square means nothing to them.

   - The moon landing is as far in the past for them as
     Lindbergh's flight to Paris was for their parents.

   - They never had a Polio shot, and likely do not know what it
     is.

   - Bottle caps have not only always been screw off, but have
     always been plastic.  They have no idea what a pull-top can
     looks like.

   - They have never owned a record player and the expression
     "you sound like a broken record" means nothing to them.

   - They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard
     of Pong.

   - There have always been red M&Ms, and blue ones are not new. 
     What do you mean there used to be tan ones?

   - The Compact Disc was introduced around the time they were
     born.

   - Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor
     have they seen a black-and-white TV.  They have always had
     cable.

   - For them, roller-skating has always meant inline skates.

   - Popcorn has always been cooked in a microwave.

   - They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

   - The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI, WWII,
     or even the Civil War.

   - The Titanic was found?  They thought we always knew where it
     was.

   - New Coke never existed to them, and they don't know why it
     is called Coke Classic.

   - They have never used a 5 1/4" floppy disc.

   - They never had a math class without using a calculator.

   - Elvis died before they were born.

   - Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places,
     not groups.

   - McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

   - There has always been MTV.

   - Michael Jackson has always been white.


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FUTURE SCHOOL BAND?
------------------
     I don't know much about the exclusive Stowe School in
England, nor do I know if they have a school band.  But if they
do, it will be a very interesting place to watch in about a
decade or so.
     Late last year it was announced that among the future
attendees to the class ten years from now will be the sons of
both Mick Jagger and Michael Jackson.  The school expects that
the $24,000 a year tuition won't be a problem for the two rock
superstars.
     As one paper put it, "So the scene is set for an amazing
parents day in 2010 with the aging singers chatting about the
progress of their sons over tea and biscuits in the historic 18th
century hall."  (Reuters)
          [ No Michael, you can't bring the chimp... ]


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WHAT KIDS CAN TELL US ABOUT LIFE...
--------------------------------

   - Never trust a dog to watch your food.
                            - Patrick, Age 10

   - When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.
                            - Matthew, Age 12

   - Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.
                            - Rocky, Age 9

   - Don't flush the toilet when your dad's in the shower.
                            - Lamar, Age 10

   - Never bug a pregnant mom.
                            - Nicholas, Age 11

   - Don't ever be too full for dessert.
                            - Kelly, Age 10

   - When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't
     answer him.
                            - Heather, Age 16

   - Remember the two places you are always welcome: church and
     grandma's house.
                            - Joanne, Age 11   

   - When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your
     hair.
                            - Selene, Age 7

   - Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
                            - Joel, Age 12

   - When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when
     she's on the phone.
                            - Alyesha, Age 13

   - Never spit when you're on a roller coaster.
                            - Scott, Age 11

   - Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving.
                            - Rob, Age 10

   - Listen to your brain.  It has lots of information.
                            - Chelsey, Age 7

   - Never dare your little brother to paint the family car
                            - Phillip, Age 13

   - Forget the cake. Go for the icing.
                            - Cynthia, Age 8

   - Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
                            - Laura, Age 7

   - Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic Tac.
                            - Sylvia, Age 6

   - The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.
                            - Jenny, Age 6


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THE QUESTION...
------------
     A 7-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working out in
the yard.  She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"
     The father was surprised that she would ask the question
just then, but decided that if she is old enough to ask the
question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.  It
was the moment of truth that all parents wonder how they will
handle.
     He proceeded to give her the lecture all about the 'birds
and the bees'.  When he finished explaining, the little girl was
looking at him with her mouth hanging open.  The father finally
asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"
     The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that
dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."


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