TIMES THAT TAXETH THE SOUL!

The Yearly SUNFUN On Debt and Taxes...

Greetings, Fellow Taxpayers!
     Here we are, almost halfway through the month of April and
all of us Americans are following the annual spring ritual.  No,
not cleaning out the garage or going to the opening day of
baseball season - I mean paying our income taxes.  For those of
us in the U.S., April 15th is tax day.  But for most average
Americans, the day when you have actually earned enough money to
pay your tax bill for the year doesn't come until mid to late
May.  And I'm sure that retailers everywhere are quite happy that
Christmas doesn't come between tax day and the end of May.
     Looking around the web, the most prevalent groups talking
about taxes - or at least the noisiest - are the anti-tax crowd. 
Not that anyone is all that anxious to send gobs of money away
somewhere, but these folks seems to take it more personally than
most.  They are all out to abolish the income tax, or have a flat
rate tax, or something else that doesn't involve paying the
government anything like real money.  I'm sure they would be
perfectly happy if they could pay off their tax debt with a small
quantity of buttons and an old book of Green Stamps.  Now, no one
likes paying more taxes than they have to, but somebody,
somewhere has to pay the bills.
     It is interesting that the biggest supporters of the flat
tax proposals are really (REALLY!) rich guys on the order of
Steve Forbes.  While it would be nice to believe that they are
doing this just out of the goodness of their hearts, has anyone
else noticed that the richest taxpayers would pay lots less
actual cash with a flat percentage?  Some deal.  Then there are
the seriously anti-tax folks, who don't want to pay anything at
all.  They claim it wouldn't bother them in the slightest if the
government went broke.  That wouldn't be quite so bad if these
were not exactly the same folks who are ready to demand a federal
investigation if there's an unfixed pot hole in their street or a
late trash pickup.
     So many of you have contributed to Funnies this week that I
find myself wishing that I could claim you all as dependents.  Or
maybe, you could claim me as your dependent.  It's that whole,
modern inter-dependency thing.  Anyway, Special Thanks and Hello
to:  Professor Eva Lu Yu-Hwa, Helen Yee, Jerry Taff, Nnamdi
Elleh, Peter Adler, Kerry Miller, Caterina Sukup, Rosana Leung,
Carol Becwar, Junji Taniguchi, Howard Lesniak, Bruce Gonzo,
Joshua Brink, Mark Becwar, Jan Michalski, Tim McChain, Fumiko
Umino, Jack Gervais, Brian Siegl, Beth Butler, and Anna Macareno. 
So while I'm busy working on the paperwork to have SUNFUN
declared a 501(C)(3) charitable organization, you folks enjoy our
annual look at taxes.  OK, so this isn't your only annual look at
taxes, but, with this one, there are no forms to fill out and I
can assure you that excess laughter is not treated as capital
gains.
     Have A Less-Taxing Week!


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     "The hardest thing in the world to understand is income
     tax!"
                            - Albert Einstein

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FLUSHED WITH PRIDE...
------------------
     I guess it wouldn't be such a big deal to pay so much in
taxes if we could at least be assured we are getting real value
for the money.  Sometimes, we are, but there are some expenses
that just leave you shaking your head.
     Take the U.S. National Park Service, which had a plan to
build a simple outhouse at the Delaware Water Gap National
Recreation Area in eastern Pennsylvania.  Nothing fancy, just a
simple, two-hole, necessary facility with no running water.  Then
came the idea to do something a little more grand.
     Yeah, 330 grand.
     So how do you spend $330,000 building a privy?  First, you
have to be a government agency.  Second, you approve a plan that
includes a cottage-style porch, cedar siding, a gabled slate
roof, a tapered masonry foundation and a color coordinated
interior design.  But it is still a privy.  Pretty much in the
same way that the Taj Mahal is still just a tomb.
     The Park Service points out that one benefit of the 29 inch
(70cm) thick walls is that they are earthquake proof.  Not that
Eastern Pennsylvania ever has any earthquakes, but it is a
comfort to know that your comfort station won't come crashing
down if there were.
     Outside of the expense, the Park Service's only complaint
with the pretty potty is that people keep mistaking it for the
visitor center.  (Philadelphia Inquirer)


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     Question on the I.R.S. customer service line:  "Are birth
          control pills tax deductible?" 

     Official answer:  "Only if they don't work."

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PROTESTING NAKED AGGRESSION?
---------------------------
     Five women in Madrid, Spain decided to show their government
that they felt their country's support of the NATO bombings in
Yugoslavia last year was unjust.
     So, while hundreds waited in line to pay their tax debt last
May, the women protested both the NATO air strikes and Yugoslav
President Slobodan Milosevic's actions against the Croats in
Kosovo.  The mystery is why they decided to take off all of their
clothes to do this.  The naked women held signs and chanted for
about 15 minutes in front of the amused taxpayers, before being
peacefully led out of the building by security guards.  (Reuters)
     [ Actually, the tax folks didn't mind so much... 
     Besides the floor show, it was refreshing to find at
     least a few taxpayers with no hidden assets. ]


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     According to an estimate done in September of 1998, the
     national debt - the amount the U.S. government owes -
     was about $5,523,268,000,000.  Which would mean that
     each American citizen owed just under $21,000.

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DEEP IN A VAT OF TROUBLE...
------------------------
     Another tax protest last fall involved the chefs of Paris,
who are upset about the high Value Added Tax (VAT) the French
government collects on restaurant meals.
     The reason the chefs are so upset?  Traditional French Cafes
and Bistros pay as much as 21% in value added tax, while fast
food restaurants, such as McDonald's, pay only 5.5%.
     French Finance Minister Dominique Strauss-Kahn expressed
sympathy for the complaints but said that a tax reduction should
be considered only within the context of an overall European VAT
review.
     So, last October, hundreds of professional chefs in their
traditional tall, white hats descended on Paris.  They marched on
the National Assembly building, yelling protests and abuse and
banging their cooking pots.  When the culinary protestors found
their way blocked by riot police with helmets and shields, the
oven masters pelted the cops with eggs and flour.  (Reuters)
          [ They were not, however, able follow through
          on the plan to brown the police in a medium
          oven for 20 minutes with an orange sauce
          glaze. ]


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BON VOYAGE, FRANCE, HOLA, ESPANIA!
---------------------------------
     While it isn't usual for the very rich to do some "tax
shopping" by choosing what country to live in based on the local
tax breaks, it is a pretty unusual move for a local government. 
But that is just the situation in the small village of Eyne
(currently) located in southwestern France.
     Eyne is heavily in debt and tired of being ignored by the
government in Paris, so they have made it known that they are
looking for a better deal.  These French folks are right on the
border with Spain, and they have made serious overtures to the
Spanish government about the conditions on the other side of the
line.
     "We demand to return to the situation previous to the Treaty
of the Pyrenees," said mayor Alain Bousquet, complaining that
Eyne was getting no help from the French state or the European
Union.
     Even if both governments would allow the switch, it would
likely be quite a strain on the village's 84 residents; no one
there has spoken Spanish in day-to-day life since the treaty was
signed - in 1654.
          [ It's true, the government in Paris had been
          ignoring the village.  For one thing, folks
          in Eyne were quite surprised to hear that
          there was no longer a King of France to
          complain to. ]


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     "But in this world nothing is certain but death and
     taxes."
                            - Benjamin Franklin

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EXPLAINING GEO-POLITICS IN TERMS OF TAXES...
-----------------------------------------
     Many people - including some in the U.S. government - were
taken by surprise by the dramatic events in Pakistan last year. 
In short order, the president that had provoked an atomic face-
off with neighboring India was booted out of office by the
military, and has since been found guilty of terrorism and misuse
of public funds.
     The reason?  How about taxes?
     Well, maybe not just taxes, but the tax situation certainly
didn't help former Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif much. 
The former P.M. had once said in a televised address about high
tax rates that it was the patriotic duty of his countrymen to
"eat grass" so that more money would be available for defense
spending.
     At the same time, Sharif was promoting such vital defense
projects as an exclusive, 52-room ski resort in the northern Swat
valley.  And his family's business, the Ittefaq Group, was listed
as Pakistan's fourth largest industrial company, worth an
estimated $217 million USD.
     Also worth noting is the fact that, for the last year
records are available, Sharif paid only $58 in taxes. 
(AP/Reuters)
          [ That's guaranteed to make you popular with
          the folks at home, isn't it? ]


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     "A taxpayer is someone who works for the federal
     government but who doesn't have to take a civil service
     examination." 
                            - Ronald Reagan

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WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE?
--------------------------
     A couple of official rulings on deductions from New Zealand
last year make you wonder just what the tax folks there have on
their minds.
     First, New Zealand's Inland Revenue Department allowed a car
dealer to deduct $1,060 USD from his tax liability because of the
special expenses involved in one auto sales promotion.  It was,
you could say, an unusual deal.  While most of us might expect an
extended warranty or some free car washes, buyers at this car
dealership were given a fully-paid brothel visit as part of their
purchase.
     This was about the same time, in what we'll have to consider
a related development, that media reports set off a scandal about
tax write-offs.  A local New Zealand newspaper went through
thousands of pages of official documents filed by the Inland
Revenue as part of a parliamentary inquiry into whether the tax
inspectors are disallowing too many deductions.  What was far
more interesting were the deductions that were allowed.
     By official decision, prostitutes in Kiwiland are allowed to
deduct items such as bubble bath, dairy whip, condoms, lingerie
and other see-thru garments from their income tax.  That's not to
say that the tax department doesn't have very strict rules.  It
must be shown that these are legitimate business expenses and not
simply for personal entertainment.
     "Ordinary stockings are not tax deductible but patterned
stockings used for work are," the New Zealand Post reported in a
front page expose.
     In addition, the newspaper found that the ladies of the
oldest profession are listed on tax documents under a number of
official job titles.
     "It is acceptable for sex workers to describe their
occupation as contractor, consultant, commission agent or
receptionist," the government reported.  (AP/Reuters)


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YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK...
------------------------
     Fort Worth, Texas, often called "Cowtown," rounded up a
small herd of Longhorns and began hiring cowboys to drive them
through the town's historic Stockyards District.  Not for any
real purpose, but just to amuse the tourists.  The slightly bored
cow hands drive the cows first up the street, then back down
again.
     "I don't care what people say, we're still a cow town, and
we should have cattle that people can come and see," City
Councilman Bill Lane explained.
          [ And this costs how much? ]


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BUGGED BY HIGH TAXES?
--------------------
     With gasoline here in the U.S. at $1.50 or so a gallon
(about 35 cents a liter), many Republican leaders have been
blaming President Clinton for the high prices.  (If you've been
keeping score, that means that the only things left that the
Republicans have NOT blamed on Clinton are: El Nino, the high
cost of bowling shoes and the sinking of the Battleship Maine in
Havana harbor in 1898.)  Anyway, our European friends think our
complaints about "high" gas prices are pretty funny, especially
since they pay even more for auto taxes than the $5 - 6 per
gallon fuel price common in most of Europe.
     And even being the leader of the country doesn't get you
anywhere with the tax man.  Take the case of German Chancellor
Gerhard Schroeder:  he uses a government-provided limousine for
his daily trips to Berlin on official business.  But he has to
pay the government 686 marks ($340) each month for that benefit
because the heavy, bullet-proof limo is considered a luxury
automobile under German law.  For private trips to his weekend
home in Hanover, the Chancellor would have to pay even more.
     To get around this tax bite, Shroeder has taken to using his
wife's Volkswagon for all but official trips.  More than a few
Germans have been amused by the sight of their portly, "large-
economy-size" chancellor squeezing in and out of the little VW.
     Even funnier is the fact that it means that Germany's leader
shows up driving himself in a little econo-box, while his
bodyguards follow behind in the bullet-proof, chauffeur-driven
luxury limousine.  (Reuters)


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