Hello Again, Voters...
Politics. Most people pronounce that word as if it was some
really filthy obscenity. And there seems to be an unusually high
number of people who are ready to give up on government all
together, including such former inside players like Newt Gingrich
and Ralph Reed. Odd that in times of generally good economy and
record high employment there would be so many people upset
because they can't always get their own way. So upset that they
want to take their ball and go home.
In just this last week, we've gone from four major party
candidates for president down to just two: George W. Bush and Al
Gore. Bush - sometimes known unkindly as "The Shrub" - is the
son of former president George Bush, which is guaranteed to drive
future historians crazy if he becomes president. Imagine trying
to date documents to "the Bush Administration." At least the two
Roosevelts in this century were separated by twenty-four years
and different philosophies (and different political parties).
Then there is Al Gore, who sometimes acts so much like a robot
that you expect he was created by the folks at Disney Studios.
I don't know who will be the next president, but I'm not all
that convinced it makes as much difference as the parties and
candidates pretend. We have had saints and sinners, wise men and
fools as presidents - sometimes all at the same time - but we
continue to stumble on. As much as there's a limit to how much
good a saintly president can do, there is also a limit to how
much damage a real schnook can cause (See listing under: Nixon,
Richard M.).
As usual, we have our own slate of candidates for Thank You
this week, including: Caterina & Jim Sukup, Alison M. Becwar,
Nnamdi Elleh, Bernie & Donna Becwar, Tim McChain, Bruce Gonzo,
Beth & Jim Butler, The Petersons, Joshua Brink, Brian & Anita
Siegl, Jack & Sherrie Gervais, and Kerry Miller. One thing is
sure: Everyone from rock-ribbed Republican to Yellow Dog
Democrat will admit that politics is an interesting form of
entertainment - as long as you don't have to take it too
seriously.
Have A Great Week!
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
FAR, FAR AWAY...
-------------
Though voting is mandatory by law in Indonesia, the
reclusive Baduy people of the highland jungles of west Java
won the right not to vote in the election last spring. The Baduy
religion bans politics - along with the wheel, toothpaste,
electricity, poisoning fish, and touching the breasts of a
virgin.
[ I guess it's pretty clear that the Baduy
would not be big supporters of Bill
Clinton... ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
WHY THE POLITICAL MACHINE GOT RUSTY...
-----------------------------------
When people think of politics in Jersey City, New Jersey,
they remember the good old days and people such as Barney Doyle,
who was named superintendent of weights and measures as a
political payoff by the ruling Democratic machine.
"Superintendent, how many ounces in a pound?" yelled one
reporter after Barney's swearing-in ceremony.
"Give me a break, fellows." he replied. "I just got the
job."
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
- Vice President Dan Quayle, 11/30/88
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
THE NAME IS FAMILIAR...
--------------------
At the height of last year's impeachment storm, a 48-year-
old New Orleans ophthalmologist announced her candidacy for the
Senate seat vacated by Louisiana Republican Bob Livingston. She
figured that she could win on name recognition alone. Her name?
Monica Monica.
Despite spending heavily on TV ads, she came in fourth
behind Ex-Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke, but that hasn't stopped
her. She's currently running for Congress. Her website even
shows a picture of her father [ http://www.monicasquared.com ].
I hope for her sake that she shows a little more imagination than
her parents. (Reuters)
Meanwhile, in Chicago, a 21-year-old woman named Lauryn Kaye
Valentine got herself on listed on the ballot as a candidate for
alderman - but not under her own name. Some months earlier,
Valentine had changed her name to Carol Moseley-Braun, claiming
she wanted to honor one of her heroes, the first black woman to
be elected to the U.S. Senate.
That was when former Senator Moseley-Braun called foul,
charging the candidate formerly known as Valentine with identity
theft.
The three-member Chicago Elections Board declared
Valentine's candidacy was "false and misleading," according to
board spokesman Tom Leach. The board also pointed out that
Valentine was still registered to vote under her own name, which
invalidated her election bid. (Reuters)
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
GETTING THE LAST WORD...
---------------------
- On a billboard for a Houston escort service last year:
"If Bill Clinton had called us, he wouldn't
be in so much trouble now."
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
YOUR VOTE COUNTS...
----------------
At great trouble and expense, the government in South Africa
built a special polling place in a remote district known as
Lincoln Farms for the country's second all-race elections. They
did this in the name of fairness, even though there is only one
registered voter in the whole area of the Drakensberg mountains
in Free State province .
But all the preparations went for nothing when he didn't
show up to cast a ballot. (Reuters)
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
WAY OUT IN FRONT...
----------------
Former Governor Lamar Alexander wrote "Lamar
Alexander's Little Plaid Book," a paperback collection
of pithy lessons for aspiring politicians. One of his
suggestions:
"If you want to be noticed, don't ride in a convertible
with Dolly Parton."
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
PARTY OF THE LAST PART DEPARTMENT
---------------------------------
For many voters here in the U.S., the only choice is between
the Democrats or the Republicans. But if you look closely, there
are hundreds of other parties that front candidates and political
platforms. American politics has never been very kind to these
third parties, so they are often a catch-all for the lunatic
fringe. There isn't the time or space here to be comprehensive,
so I'll just list some of the more amusing entries. If you
thought the programs of the Republicans and Democrats sound
pretty bizarre on occasion, check out some of these folks...
- THE CONSTITUTION PARTY -
"What's Happening in American Politics" is their
slogan. This is the place for folks who consider Jesse
Helms a liberal. They support withdrawing from NATO,
The International Monetary Fund, The United Nations,
NAFTA, the World Trade Organization and all treaties
with those godless foreigners. The Constitution Party
also wants to force the U.N. to move out of the U.S.
These guys are so nationalistic that they don't even
like the International House of Pancakes. They also
consider nearly every federal law passed in the last
century or two to be unconstitutional. Don't ask about
their views on gun control - they're probably armed.
- THE COMMUNIST PARTY U.S.A. -
"Are you now, or have you ever been?..."
Marxist/Leninist Commies just like in the old days.
They lost most of their steam with the fall of the
Soviet Union, but these folks are still out there
pitching. Which is either taking a courageous stand or
not knowing when to quit. One thing you can say, these
are people who still want to paint the town red.
- THE EXPANSIONIST PARTY OF THE UNITED STATES -
Their goal? "A Bigger and Better U.S." Sea to shining
sea is no longer a limitation for these folks. They
promise to extend the United States to include Canada,
Mexico, the Philippines, Panama, England and so on.
Peacefully, if possible but they are not likely to let
a little gunboat diplomacy get in the way of their
vision. Manifestering destiny, anyone?
- THE GREEN PARTY -
More a loose confederation than a political party, this
is the home for the tree-hugging internationalists and
other hard-core environmental types. I checked their
political platform against the one I dug up in 1996.
They are virtually the same. That's right fans - they
recycled it.
- THE LIGHT PARTY -
Everything you wanted in a political party, and less; it's
not every political party that puts a meditation "manadala"
light show on their web page - they are New Age enough to
buy into such nonsense, but unenlightened enough to misspell
"mandala." But they do have a plan - a seven point plan
that somehow involves "the power of synergy" and "Health,
Peace and Freedom for All." I can't tell you much more
because I'd have to shell out $33.00 for the details of
their platform. The 33 clams will also get you their party
music video, "Artainment (tm) - The Next Step in Music
Television." This party sounds like Amway meets MTV with a
side order of Scientology, including the fact that it was
founded by someone calling himself "Da-Vid, M.D." They are
based in California - but you already knew that.
- THE NATIONAL SOCIALIST WHITE PEOPLE'S PARTY -
Sieg Whatever, it's the Nazis. They devote an
incredible amount of space to "that great philosopher,
Adolph Hitler" and mumbling about how the white race is
unfairly oppressed. So humorless, violent, racist and
intolerant that even Klan members avoid this crowd.
- THE PANSEXUAL PEACE PARTY -
The PPP supports total sexual freedom which (according
to them), will bring about harmony, enlightenment and
world peace. Right... Just like all those frat
parties in the 1960's. That's not much of a plan to
run the country, but I'll say this, their platform sure
sounds like a fun weekend. TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!
- THE SOUTHERN PARTY -
If at first you don't secede, then try, try again.
Forget the Civil War - sorry, "The War for Southern
Independence." Let's go back to the 1850's and see if
we can get it right this time. This group is
registered in nine southern states and seeks nothing
less than to separate the Confederate States of America
from the Union. You'd think that losing a war once
would be enough, right? They claim not to be anti-
anybody, but they have about the same support base
among Blacks as the Nazis.
- THE ROYALIST PARTY OF THE UNITED STATES -
Their goal is quite simple: "The establishment of a
royal monarch (i.e. king or queen) as the head of the
state for the United States of America." They give all
kinds of reasons why they think this would be a good
idea. And who do they want to park on the throne?
Good royals who are willing to switch countries are
awfully hard to find these days. The Royalists suggest
Princess Madeline of Sweden - she's third in line for
the Swedish throne so not likely to be otherwise
occupied. The fact that "Queen" Maddy was born in 1982
and isn't out of high school yet is not considered a
serious handicap.
[ This is a joke, right? ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
"A society that will trade a little liberty for a
little order will lose both, and deserve neither."
- Thomas Jefferson
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
AND WE'LL HAVE FUND, FUND, FUND...
-------------------------------
It takes money to run for office these days. Lots of money.
Tons of money. And one of the best money raisers of all time is
Texas Governor George W. Bush. Of course, it doesn't hurt that
he is running as a Republican - widely viewed as the party of the
rich. Nor does it hurt that a great many of his friends are oil
billionaires. But with all of those contributors, there are
certainly a few mistakes waiting to happen.
And happen they did, as the Bush campaign mistakenly listed
John Breaux of Louisiana as a major supporter of the Republican
party. A report filed with the Federal Election Commission
listed Breaux as having donated $1,000 in its latest financial
disclosure statement.
That would be especially odd, because John Breaux happens to
be the Democratic Senator from Louisiana. The Bush Campaign
apologized for the error, but it still left some ruffled
feathers.
"We're pretty angry, it's caused no end of problems," said
one official in Breaux's office. (Reuters)
Not to be outdone, the Democrats made a blunder of their own
sending a request for a contribution to Al Gore's presidential
campaign to his Republican opponent, George Bush inviting Bush to
serve on the Democratic steering committee.
"Gov. Bush certainly appreciates the vice president's
invitation to serve in his steering committee. But he'll
probably be steering in another direction," a spokesperson said.
But maybe the oddest fund-raising blunder was made by the
Democrats when they sent a request for donations to the "Clinton
Legal Expense Trust" to Dr. Bernard Lewinsky.
Yup, Lewinsky -- He's Monica's father - and not a very
likely contributor to Bill Clinton. (Reuters)
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
FLOOR FIGHT...
-----------
State senators in New Mexico are itching for a fight. Not
that they want to fight anyone themselves. They want their
governor, Republican Gary Johnson, to take on ex-pro wrestler and
current governor of Minnesota Jesse Ventura. Governor Johnson is
avid skier and accomplished tri-athlete, who begins each day at
dawn with an intense workout.
The bill passed by the Senate proposed that, if the New
Mexico governor wins, the desert state would get "all 10,000 of
Minnesota's lakes." If Ventura wins, snowy Minnesota would get
10,000 New Mexico sand dunes to spread on its highways.
Johnson was dubious. "Aren't I going to get killed?" he
asked.
Ventura, Minnesota's governor, wasn't amused.
"His reaction was, surely the New Mexico Legislature has
something more important to do than promote wrestling matches,"
said his spokesman, John Wodele. (AP)
[ "Our governor can beat up your governor."
Yes, that does sound about the maturity level
of many politicians... ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
© 2000 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
![[ BACK]](btn_rwdr.gif){kind=small}
![[NEXT]](btn_fwdr.gif){kind=small}