Hello Again, SUNFUN Fans,
It's that time of year again. Winter. Boring. Cabin Fever
time. Fortunately, we have all of last year to reflect on.
Maybe it was the end of the millennium, or just coincidence, but
wasn't it a decidedly odd year?
The U.S. Congress tried to prosecute the president and ended
up looking stupid. (The cynics among you might say, even more
stupid than usual). The Internet finally became a major part of
commerce with everything from prayer books to a Russian submarine
to human eggs for sale online. And while unemployment hit all
time lows, thousands of former Y2K consultants are even now
looking for work while dreaming of the next big scheme.
After a few years of doing SUNFUN, this was by far the
weirdest year so far. Not that I'm complaining, you understand.
The weirder it gets, the easier it will be to do these awards.
When I looked in the Oddity Awards file this year, I was
astonished to find that there were over 800 stories. Obviously,
the Oddity Award Committee had a hard time excluding so many
deserving odd people this year, but there are only just so many
awards to give out. That, and I'm sure you folks wouldn't
appreciate having to wade through a 436 page Funnies.
As usual, our Thanks go out this and every week to the
prize-winning SUNFUN staff and supporters, especially: Jerry
Taff, Diana Lee, Anna Macareno, Jan Michalski, Jim & Beth Butler,
Tim McChain, Ann Glomski, Peter Adler, John & Ellen Peterson, Bob
Martens, Ken Redmond, Joshua Brink, Larry Sakar, Jack Gervais,
Brian Siegl, Kerry Miller, and Tom Bergstrom, for use of the
phrase "Art Dude" last week. (Does that mean I owe him another
nickel?) Now the envelopes please, as we line up the contestants
for the 4th annual SUNFUN Oddity Awards.
Have An Award-Winning Week!
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===== THE ODDITY AWARD FOR: =====
WORST PERFORMANCE
-----------------
Luke Dow of Mt. Isa, Australia was just an average guy in
the audience. But that changed when a magician invited him on
stage to assist with his tricks.
After admitting to the audience that he didn't know the
magician, Dow agreed to hold a piece of paper between his hands
while the performer used a whip to snatch it away. The magician
missed, whipping Dow on the head.
Undeterred, and a really good sport, Dow agreed to hold a
balloon while the magician shot at with a pistol. With his back
turned. Aiming with a mirror.
Last I heard, Dow is recovering in the hospital from the
wound to his hand and considering a lawsuit.
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===== THE ODDITY AWARD FOR: =====
ODDEST MENU IN A COLLEGE CAFETERIA
----------------------------------
We have long suspected that the contents of those odd bits
of mystery meat in the school cafeteria were better left to the
imagination. Too much honesty isn't always a good thing.
Which makes it all the more surprising that Albion College,
a privately run, liberal arts school in Michigan hosted a special
meal featuring some really odd menu choices. Odd? How about
mealworm pizza? Or, maybe a nice slice of cricket bread?
Admittedly, those are not everyday items on the school's
menu. But they were two of the featured items at the
International Insect Food Festival held there last November. The
purpose of the festival is to help show that there is more than
one way to beat world hunger. But even some of the organizers
admitted to being grossed out at first, before they developed an
appreciation for the finer points of six-legged entrees.
"The stir fried wax worms didn't have a lot of taste," said
school spokesman Jim Klapthor, "but they make quite a popping
sound when they fry."
And how did the students react to this nightmare view of a
school cafeteria?
"You put anything on a pizza, they'll eat it. It's
college," said Gwen Pearson, a biology professor and head chef
for the feast. (AP)
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===== THE ODDITY AWARD FOR: =====
POLITICS
--------
To the city of Erie, Colorado, for it's continuing efforts
to excel in odd politics. This is admittedly one of the Oddies
most crowded categories.
Despite all of that noise in Washington last year, Erie
takes the award by a slim margin for it's former town manager,
who was devoted to the end. And even a little longer.
Leon Wurl, the former manager, was so devoted that, when he
died last year, his will specified that he should have had his
ashes mixed with blacktop and paved onto the resurfaced Main
Street. He went on the road again as part of the $6.8 million
resurfacing and renovation project he had sponsored.
Erie, you recall, had been a previous contender for the
politics prize when a dog named Jake received 34 votes in the
mayoral election there in 1994. (AP)
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===== THE ODDITY AWARD FOR: =====
Strangest Patent of 1999
------------------------
In application number 06090838 to the Japanese Patent
Office, House Foods of Japan nearly caused an international
incident and incited ethnic tensions around the globe.
What did they do that was so bad?
They applied for a patent where one of the claims was that
they invented curry. This came as quite a surprise to the people
of India, who have been eating curry since before Japan was
united as a country in the mid-1600's.
An Indian newspaper had claimed that, under World Trade
Organization rules, House Foods might be able to claim royalties
on all curry and curry products entering Japan. The Indian
government viewed the application as "a matter of concern", the
Independent newspaper of India said.
It was just a misunderstanding, according to House Foods.
"The product we are trying to get a patent for is a type of
food additive that has gone through our special cooking process,"
Yoshihisa Iwata, a spokesman for the company told Reuters.
That's something of a relief to Indian people. Not that
they ever believed that the Japanese had the right recipe.
"If you ask me, I would say Japanese curry isn't even
curry," said the owner of one Indian restaurant.
[ He's right. Japanese curry only makes your
mouth feel like it's on fire. Real Indian
curry can remove the enamel from you teeth. ]
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===== THE ODDITY AWARD FOR: =====
MOST UNUSUAL USE OF A COMMERCIAL COSMETIC
-----------------------------------------
Presented to the Dallas Zoo, for their ongoing efforts to
save endangered species by whatever method they can make work.
Of particular note is their advanced work in encouraging the
endangered Texas ocelot to breed in captivity. Only about 100-
200 of the cat species remain in the wild.
But that may change now that zoo researchers have discovered
the scent that drives female ocelots wild (or should that be
wilder?) -- Calvin Klein's Obsession for Men cologne. Reacting
much the same way that domestic cats do around catnip, the big
cats rolled and rubbed themselves against the spot where the
scent was applied, according to Dallas Zoo research curator Dr
Cynthia Bennett.
Zoo researchers have contacted Calvin Klein Cosmetics about
the findings, Bennett said.
"I think they were grateful we weren't trying it on
vultures," she said. (Reuters)
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===== THE ODDITY AWARD FOR: =====
WORST GRAFFITI ARTIST
---------------------
Awarded to Manhattan obstetrician Dr. Allan Zarkin, who
allegedly liked the job he did on one woman's caesarian section
so much that he signed it. With his scalpel. In letters three
inches (7 CM) high.
According to witnesses of the procedure at New York's Beth
Israel Medical Center, Dr. Zorro (sorry, Zarkin) etched his
initials, "AZ," into the skin of new mother Linda Gedz as she lay
sedated last Sept. 7. Gedz has sued Zarkin and the hospital for
$5.5 million.
Zarkin is also being investigated by the Manhattan district
attorney's office, and has agreed to suspend his medical practice
pending the outcome. (Reuters)
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===== THE ODDITY AWARD FOR: =====
ODDEST NEWSPAPER LISTING FOR A CLASSIC MOVIE
--------------------------------------------
"Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills
the first woman she meets and then teams up with three
complete strangers to kill again."
- TV listing for the movie, The
"Wizard of Oz," in the Marin County
(California) newspaper.
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===== THE ODDITY AWARD FOR: =====
MOST UPLIFTING GRAFFITI
------------------------
Most graffiti is just vandalism and not very funny at all.
But folks in one rural Kansas town have been pretty amused by the
unknown artist who spray painted the town water tower last
summer.
Residents of the town of Agra got a good laugh when they saw
that someone had added the letters "V" and "I" ahead of the
town's official name, making it viAgra, as in the drug.
"Mostly people are laughing about it and joking about it,"
said Becky Stegmaier, a waitress at a nearby diner. "I don't
think anybody is mad, except maybe the mayor. They just painted
the water tower this summer."
Actually, the mayor isn't all that mad, but he says that the
town will probably not spend the money to repaint the tower,
which would cost about $1,200. (AP)
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===== THE ODDITY AWARD FOR: =====
GETTING AHEAD IN YOUR CAREER
----------------------------
Actors love being on. They all find it hard to give up the
excitement of the stage, no matter how old they are. But age
catches up with us all and most have to quit eventually.
But not Del Close. The well known local actor and veteran
of the Second City comedy troupe, who died in March at age 64,
even figured a way to get on stage after his death.
Close willed his skull to the Goodman Theater, to be used in
any production that requires a naked noggin. Of course, like all
good actors, Close had a specific dream role in mind. He
specified in his will that it could be used to play the court
jester whose skull is unearthed in Hamlet, leading to the lament:
"Alas, poor Yorick." But he admitted that he would accept any
role the theater offered. Or rather, his skull would.
Robert Falls, artistic director for the Goodman, promised
to find at least one part for the skull each season. (AP)
[ I just want to see how they credit THAT in
the programs! ]
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===== THE ODDITY AWARD FOR: =====
THE STAMP OF (DIS)APPROVAL
-------------------------
Awarded to the U.S. Postal Service for their erosion of
education.
It took millions of years for the waters of the Colorado
River to wear away the Grand Canyon - one of America's most
spectacular sights. It was even featured on a new 60 cent
international stamp. One with the printed legend: "Grand Canyon,
Colorado."
Right river, wrong state. The Grand Canyon is in Arizona.
The Postal Service was in the process of printing an order
for nearly 101 million stamps of the natural wonder engraved with
the faulty wording when it had to throw them out and start over
with the correct state. (Reuters)
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===== THE ODDITY AWARD FOR: =====
HISTORICAL IRONY
----------------
To Frank Dennett of Nottingham, England. After vandals
repeatedly stole the string from the longbow on the life-sized
statue of Robin Hood in front of Nottingham Castle, Dennet worked
with an arms manufacturer to make a "string" of special steel
wire. It is believed that the wire will be more thief-resistant.
That is itself an irony, given the Robin Hood was best known
as a thief. But, even better is that Frank Dennet happens to be
the (retired) Sheriff of Nottingham. (Reuters)
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===== THE ODDITY AWARD FOR: =====
LACK OF VISION
--------------
Cheryl Burnham, 39, who works at a clerk in a juvenile
facility in Los Angeles, pled no contest to felony grand theft
and found herself facing as much as four years in prison. She
was lucky and got only 30 days after agreeing to counseling and
to pay back nearly $100,000.
Her crime? She rang up a $120,000 phone bill on her
employers phone by placing over 2,500 calls to a psychic hotline
in the Dominican Republic. (AP)
[ I'd have thought the psychics should have
seen that coming... ]
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===== THE ODDITY AWARD FOR: =====
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
---------------------
Just recently, there have been quite a few stories in the
media about the anti-technology "neo-Luddites." Those are the
folks who think we should abandon all technology and go back to a
simple way of life. No matter how many of us have to die us
disease or starvation to make that possible. Now it gets worse -
- we are also being attacked by humorless, politically-correct
"neo-Fudd-ites."
The Canadian Broadcasting Standards Council met last year to
consider a complaint about the Bugs Bunny cartoons shown on
Canada's Global Television. A woman had written accusing the
cartoon character of making a deeply misogynistic comment (in a
cartoon made in the 1950's). Pretty ironic for a character who
some have accused of being a transvestite. Bugs is clearly more
in touch with his feminine side than most males, cartoon or not.
But it was a bad year for traditional humor all around, as
the Colchester Borough council in Southern England suddenly
became outraged at the way Punch and Judy behave and banned the
battling puppets because they "promote domestic violence." You'd
have thought that someone might have noticed that before in the
300 years the shows have been running in England.
But I digress. Back to the woman who was bugged by Bugs.
How bugged?
"Televising this anti-woman cartoon demands that you
personally offer a televised apology to woman viewers of Global
Television," wrote the complainant.
The general position of the council was that, while they
respect her position and lack of humor, they didn't agree with
her and thought she'd made a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
[ That's all, folks! ]
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© 2000 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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