Hello!
This week Sunday Funnies has gotten a little more in touch
with its feminine side. No, Bill hasn't gone all mushy on you --
at least not yet! He decided it was time for his better half to
get into the thick of things here at SUNFUN Central. I could say
I now have a new respect for what Bill has accomplished over the
past two years. I am just as likely to pronounce with new
understanding, "So THAT'S what keeps you in that basement office
all hours of the day and night!" As I struggled this past week
to find my funny bone and apply it to words, I remembered a line
from an old English actor: "Death is easy. Comedy is hard."
The boss asked if I would pull together some stories about
stupid criminals. It's nice to know that even though crime can
put fear into the hearts of the citizenry, the mishaps,
misfortunes and mistakes criminals make can give us something to
laugh about.
Hello's and thank you's this week to our SUNFUN friends far
and near, especially Jerry Taff, Dale Frederickson, Timothy
McChain, Laura Hong Li, Beth Butler, Eva Lu, Ellen Peterson,
Caterina Sukup and Lydia Cheong Chu-Ling. Special thanks to Bill
Becwar, the steadfast and able editor of this fine weekly. He
took a risk offering me the helm, patiently waited for me to find
my footing and graciously consented to take the job back for next
week.
Have a great week!
Carol B. 72060.251@compuserve.com Wauwatosa, WI
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JUST PLANE SENSE
----------------
Every smart crook plans his crime to the very last detail,
including how best to move the merchandise and how to elude the
authorities. Then there are the other guys . . .
Last July, the owner of a small aviation firm in Manitoba,
Canada was surprised to discover one of his small planes missing.
Before long, he found it -- circling overhead. The would-be
thief tried to land the stolen Piper Cherokee four times at the
tiny St. Andrews airport, but found the runway too short and
headed for Winnipeg's main airport. Upon landing, the nose
sustained C$4,000 in damage ( that's the plane's nose).
But our undaunted criminal had a unique plan of escape.
Police arrested him as he wrestled with a bicycle he had stashed
in the back seat of the plane. (Reuters)
[ So much for flight to avoid prosecution. ]
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FIRST THINGS FIRST...
------------------
The holdup went pretty much without a hitch. Two guys with
a B.B. gun walked confidently into a grocery store, forced the
clerk into the bathroom and ran off with their $200 booty. They
jumped into their car and took off at a good clip. Piece of
cake, right? They got four blocks before their car puttered to a
stop -- out of gas.
Giving up on the car, they walked two miles further, totally
unaware they were leading a deputy and his dog to their home
base. (AP)
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CAPTURED IN RECORD TIME DEPARTMENT
----------------------------------
It's pretty common for police to get a confession from
criminals -- in old movies, the tough detective would always say
he got the crooks to "sing." But a confession (or nearly so) in
rap is a new one.
Jason Ellis Smith, 27, of Sacramento, California was found
guilty of holding up a credit union, one of a string of robberies
police claim the "Romper Room" gang committed. Authorities
believe that the gang used the $1.5 million from these robberies
to set up a record company so they could record their own rap
albums.
But a robbery described in detail on their album, "The
Rompalation", was a surprisingly good description of an actual
crime. On making the connection, police arrested 52 gang members
on various charges. Apparently, it never occurred to the gang
members that the cops would make out the words. (Reuters)
[ Doin' the crime
Was not too bright.
Doin' the time
Ain't that a fright? ]
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A FRIEND IN NEED...
----------------
Say your friend asks you to drive her to the bank to cash a
check. She'll even pay you $10 for your trouble. No big deal.
Happens all the time.
But, suddenly your friend appears with hands and pockets
full of money. She announces that she just robbed the bank.
This happened to a woman in Oakland, California in January of
1996 and as soon as she figured out what was going on, she threw
her "friend" out of the car and left the scene.
All the robber could think to do was run down the street,
cash in both hands, desperately trying to flag down a get-away
ride. Finally, one guy saw her and pulled over. Not to offer
her a ride, but he did try to lighten her load. Seeing the money
she was carrying, he tried to rob HER.
Police showed up while the two were struggling on the ground
AND, before someone could try to rob the second robber. Police
did say this was the first robbery suspect they could recall who
got robbed during commission of the crime.
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SIDETRACKED
-----------
In 1979, British police were called to investigate a big
fight in progress at a railroad station. Seven men aged eighteen
to twenty-nine received three and four year prison sentences.
The reason for the brawl? One of the men threw a french fry at
another while they waited for a train.
[ The things that set some people off... ]
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CLUES FROM THE CLUELESS...
-----------------------
Some robbers finish the job and disappear into thin air.
Others don't. Back in 1988, a 24 year old man held up a service
station in Flint Township, Michigan. He fled the scene with $70
and vanished -- at least until he was traced by police. While
robbing the station he wore his high school varsity jacket with
his name embroidered on the back, leaving little doubt of his
identity. (Booth News Service)
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NOW WHERE DID I PUT MY ... OH NO!!!!
--------------------------------
Did you ever notice that things usually go wrong when you
are in a hurry? Kevin Stanley Stokes, 25, was in a big hurry
after he robbed a Cadiz, Kentucky grocery store of $170 at
gunpoint. He almost kicked himself when he tried the door handle
on his car and discovered it was locked and the keys were
dangling from the ignition. Instead he kicked out the car's back
window but by the time he got into his car, police were on the
scene.
[ There are a few key points to remember in
any basic robbery. ]
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HABIT FORMING
-------------
In February, two Fort Lauderdale, Florida boys, ages 15 and
14, appeared before Judge Larry Seidlin for car theft -- their
25th car theft in two years. As they left the courthouse and
pooled their funds, they discovered they did not have enough for
bus fare home. So they stole car number 26 which they crashed
into a fence soon after.
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THE UPS AND DOWNS OF A LIFE OF CRIME
------------------------------------
Jurors were about ready to deliberate a burglary case when
the defendant, Steve Silvas, suddenly jumped up and ran from the
courtroom. He caught the bailiffs flat-footed and even hit one
of the officers before he escaped into the hallway. But the
bailiffs were finally able to catch up with him. Instead of
sprinting for the stairs, he was caught waiting patiently for the
elevator! The verdict was no surprise -- guilty. (L.A. Daily
News)
[ You can run, but you cannot ride. ]
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VERY POPULAR? OR JUST VERY CAREFUL?
------------------------------------
Usually the motives behind stealing something are pretty
clear:
1. Steal money to buy what you really want
2. Steal something you can sell to buy what you really want
3. Steal something that you really want.
An Indianola, Mississippi man chose the third option and he
was charged with doing it three times. When police caught up
with him, the man had in his home 3,000 condoms stolen from a
local medical clinic, with more in his pockets.
[ And just as he was looking for his little
black book! ]
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BURGLING 101
------------
Let's see now. Glass cutter, check. Pry bar, check.
Flashlight, check. Escape route, check. Alternate escape
route... Oops.
Surprised while burgling a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a
thief fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot wall,
dropped down and found himself in the city prison.
[ Jumping to the wrong conclusion? ]
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NOT ME, MORON!
-------------
"NOBODY MOVES!!" yelled one of the two gun-toting robbers
who entered a Michigan record store.
But someone did move, so the would be-bandit shot him.
Unfortunately, it was his partner.
"I [was] a little nervous," the trigger-happy thief later
admitted to police.
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THE RULES...
---------
Here's the way a robbery is supposed to work:
1.) enter, preferably using some disguise so that you
won't be recognized,
2.) use some threat to extract the money,
3.) run away,
and finally,
4.) hide.
Pretty simple, right? But for some reason, many felons just
don't get it. Daniel Christian Bowden certainly didn't.
A former military policeman at Fort Belvoir, Virginia, he
allegedly robbed the bank at that Army post of nearly $5,000.
For some reason, he didn't think it was necessary to wear a
disguise. But even that wasn't quite as silly as his attempt to
deposit the stolen money in his own account at the same bank
shortly afterwards.
Bowden was quickly recognized and arrested.
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HANGING IN THERE TO MAKE THE MARRIAGE WORK
------------------------------------------
A little nagging has its place in any marriage (right,
Bill?), but sometimes it goes a little too far. Hungarian Jake
Fen desperately wanted to end his wife's nagging and thought
scaring her would certainly change her ways. He rigged a harness
and pretended to hang himself. When his wife saw him, she fainted
(that'll teach her, he thought). A curious neighbor then walked
in on the scene, saw two "dead" people, and decided to loot the
place. Unfortunately for her, Mr. Fen still had one good scare
left. He kicked the intruder as she walked out of the house with
their possessions and she dropped dead of a heart attack.
Happily the Fens reconciled and were little worse for wear.
[ Moral: Watch your back. Dead men can kick
tails. ]
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