Hello again, friends,
You know, sometimes the research for this SUNFUN thing can
be just as funny as the material found. Take the example this
week, where I want to gather some material on the Director of
Communications for Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien.
Francoise Ducros was quoted in papers worldwide after her
reaction to President Bush's speech - "What a moron" - was heard
by a reporter. Relations between the U.S. and Canada have been
strained lately over a number of things, including Cuba, Iraq and
fishing rights. Bush made no public comment about the
controversy. But we do suspect that it isn't just Bush's
crummy French that leads him to refer to the Canadian chief as
"Mr. Cretin." And, according to Canadian media reports, White
House officials privately refer to the 68-year-old Chretien as
"dino," short for dinosaur.
OK, so the flap with Canada is tolerably funny. What was
even better was the search for "moron" on the web search engine
Yahoo in looking for the quote to get all the names and dates.
Yahoo, which spends more space advertising its own extra-cost
services than found pages these days, put this plug for its own
genealogy site at the head of the list:
Find Ancestors and Create a Family Site! - Find your
Moron ancestors now. Search the search.ancestry.com
Sorry, Yahoo, I am painfully aware of those few of my moron
ancestors, thank you.
Friends we heard from this week include: Eva Lu Yu Hwa,
Jerry Taff, Bernie & Donna Becwar, Joshua Brink, Kerry Miller,
Jan Michalski, R.J. Tully, Naomi Ogawa, Susan Will, Tim McChain,
Charles Beckman and Kenn Venit. Thanks for all the kind
contributions and help, folks!
Another story I wanted to follow up on this week was New
York City Mayor Bloomberg's public announcement of a campaign to
make the city a quieter place to live. The mayor has designated
24 places in the city as too noisy. This may be the long awaited
explanation why New York is known as "the city that never
sleeps." Of course not - it's too noisy.
Initial results were discouraging. The city is apparently
so noisy that no one heard the announcement.
Have A Great Week,
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ELECTION FINAL - FINALLY...
------------------------
When Republican Dolores "Dee" Honeycutt and Democrat R.J.
Gillum, who tied 107-107 for an open seat on the Esmeralda,
Nevada County Commission, they decided to settle the matter
strictly according to the state law.
They drew cards for it.
Only in Nevada.
And if someone bet on the outcome, they were in for a
surprise; each pulled a jack.
"Unbelievable," Gillum said.
But leave it to Nevada lawmakers to have considered even
that possibility, so Gillum's jack of spades beat Honeycutt's
diamond.
In Nevada, the Legislature decides the outcome of statewide
or multiple-county general election races that end in a tie. All
others are determined by the luck of the draw.
"What you've got is Nevada political poker," state archivist
Guy Louis Rocha said.
Rocha said he knew of at least two other races in recent
times that had been decided by chance alone: a 1972 election in
Gabbs that ended with a coin toss, and a Eureka County Commission
race settled by draw of the cards in 1982. The Eureka County
candidates back then both drew eights, forcing a second draw
because no one had thought to specify which suit would prevail.
(AP)
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AND, Florida again. You knew it had to be Florida.
Fulfilling its destiny to have the ugliest election system
this side of a banana republic, a judge's review of 137 contested
ballots Friday in a disputed sheriff's race didn't change the
outcome _ the winner again slid by five votes ahead.
Circuit Judge Michael Miller found four additional valid
votes - two each for Sheriff Dennis Lee and Republican John
Braxton. Because each picked up two votes, Lee's slim victory
was undisturbed.
Miller also dismissed Braxton's allegations of fraud and
negligence. Lee, the Democrat, was certified the winner two
years ago, in the wildly mismanaged 2000 election. No exception
to the rule here; one of the ballots for this race was found
lodged in a voting machine months after the election. (Reuters)
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THE PRINTS OF WHALES...
--------------------
"Michigan Studies Weekly" is a paper put out for grade
school kids in that state - a kind of localized weekly reader
distributed to 462 teachers statewide as a teaching aid.
And that's a fine idea, except that the publication should
do just a little more fact checking. Teacher Deb Harris of
Muskegon, Michigan was reading an article on the Great Lakes to
her fourth grade class when she found a howler of a mistake. The
article talked at length about the whales of Lake Michigan.
The article read: "Every spring, the freshwater whales and
freshwater dolphins begin their 1,300-mile migration from Hudson
Bay to the warmer waters of Lake Michigan."
Whales? There are no whales or dolphins anywhere on the
Great Lakes, of course.
It gets worse. Harris called Utah-based Studies Weekly
Inc., which puts out the teaching aid, but she said an editor
stood behind the story.
"I've lived here all my life _ there are no whales in Lake
Michigan," Harris recalled telling the editor.
A retraction was later posted on the company's Web site with
an explanation that the false information came from a different
Internet site intended as a joke.
"We at Studies Weekly want this to be a lesson to you," the
apology said. "Not all Web sites are true, and you cannot always
believe them. When researching, you should always look for a
reliable site that has credentials (proof of truthfulness)."
(AP)
[ Can you spell 'embarrassing?' Good, I knew you
could. ]
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CLASS CLOWNS...
------------
Finally, a class where clowning around is encouraged.
Hundreds of wannabe funnyfolk assembled in New York recently
for a one-hour primer on the do's and don'ts of clowning.
All will show off their newly acquired funny business
including Groucho impressions, bizarre walks and strange dance
steps at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on Nov. 28. Though
fooling around is encouraged, it's not like these cutups aren't
concentrating on their craft.
"You've actually got to take this seriously," said Dennis
Keough, 60, of Garden City, after completing his class at "Clown
Camp"
After encouraging one group to move around like a school of
fish, Robbins told them, "We're showing you this so you won't
flounder!"
Ba-dum-dum. But seriously, folks - what should a clown do?
Dress comfortably. Ignore hecklers. And most importantly,
hit the bathroom before getting zipped into your suit.
And the list of clown no-nos?
No clowns smoking cigarettes. Or clowns sipping coffee. Or
clowns chewing gum. (AP)
[ Imitations of Penneywise the Killer Clown from
Stephen King's "It" are also out. ]
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WHEN MODERN TECHNOLOGY IS A PAIN IN THE...
---------------------------------------
In the past, we have done a SUNFUN on bizarre and
unnecessary product warnings. But maybe there should be a list
of warnings that should have been given, as well.
Take the case of the 50-year-old British scientist widely
reported this week who used his laptop computer in exactly the
advertised manner - holding it on his lap.
The previously healthy father of two remembered feeling a
burning sensation after he had been writing a report at home for
about an hour with the computer on his lap.
He noticed a redness and irritation the following day but it
wasn't until he was examined by a doctor that he realized how
much damage had been done. The high-tech device was hot enough
to produce second-degree burns on his... let's just say a part
of him where burns are particularly embarrassing.
In answer to the obvious question, by the way: Yes, he was
fully dressed at the time, and not using the laptop in any - ahh
- creative way.
Claes-Gorn Ostenson, of the Karolinska Institute in Sweden,
wrote on the case in a letter published in Britain's The Lancet
medical journal. He noted that the computer manual did warn
against operating it directly on exposed skin but said the
patient had lap burns even though he had been wearing trousers
and underwear.
"This...story should be taken as a serious warning against
use of a laptop in a literal sense," he added. (Reuters)
[ And next time computer makers talk about a
hot new technology, we'll assume they mean it
literally. ]
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MORE HIGH-TECH HIJINKS...
----------------------
It wasn't exactly the mother of all hacks to steal Saddam
Hussein's Email. Not only didn't it take the CIA, it didn't even
take much imagination.
Brian McWilliams, a free-lancer who specializes in Internet
security, says he hardly needed high-level hacking skills to
snoop through e-mail addressed to Saddam.
While doing research one night in October, the New Hampshire
resident clicked on the official Iraqi government Web site,
http://www.uruklink.net/iraq.
The site has been offline lately, but, at the time, it
included links that allow visitors to send e-mail to Saddam and
allowed users of the government-controlled site, which is hosted
in Dubai, to check their own accounts.
That mail-checking feature caught McWilliams' eye. On a
whim, he typed in the address for Saddam, "press@uruklink.net,"
using "press" for president, and tried "press" again as a
possible password.
He was in.
McWilliams quickly discovered two things: whoever was
supposed to be checking this mail was months behind and even
being a vicious and ruthless dictator who shoots people for any
offense won't protect you from spam. The version of webmail
software used by the Iraqi ISP is known to have several security
holes - but the patches available for them do not appear to have
been applied.
Among the hundreds of messages marked as unread in Saddam's
inbox were several junk e-mails and messages infected with
computer viruses.
Believing in fairness, McWilliams said he e-mailed Iraqi
officials about his actions and recommended that they change the
password, but heard nothing back. He changed the password
himself before publishing the article, just to prevent any
backlash. The password eventually was changed again, but no one
ever contacted McWilliams.
"I never heard a peep," he said.
[ We can only hope that Saddam is pinning his
hopes on Iraq's high-tech expertise... ]
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THE WEEK'S WEIRDEST QUOTE:
-------------------------
"Psychologically, you could consider this a reunion
tour because I've managed to find enough pieces of my
mind in order to be with you here tonight."
- Singer AXL ROSE during a Chicago
performance of the reconstituted
Guns n' Roses, quoted in the
Chicago Tribune.
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THE WEEK'S STUPIDEST ACTION:
---------------------------
Matt George, 21, or Yacolt, Washington, was only trying to
kiss his new pet - something he told friends he had done many
times before.
George was showing friends the rattlesnake he had caught on
a recent trip to Arizona. Holding the 2-foot snake behind the
head, he kissed it.
"I said, `OK, man, you're being stupid, put it away,'"
recalled Jim Roban. "He said, `It's OK, I do it all the time.'"
Then he kissed it again.
Only this time the snake kissed first.
After George lost consciousness, he was flown by helicopter
to a hospital in Portland, Oregon, were his condition has now
been upgraded to serious. (AP)
[ The producers of the hit movie "Jackass"
are said to be interested in the story for
their upcoming sequel, "Jackass II: Still
Stupid." ]
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HU'S WHO - AGAIN...
----------------
As soon as the news hit about 59-year-old Hu Jintao taking
over as Party Secretary in China, the same thought occurred to
hundreds of us. This version by playwright James Sherman will
probably end up as the definitive one. It is a supposed dialog
between George Bush and National Security Advisor Condoleezza
Rice:
HU'S ON FIRST
By James Sherman
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new
leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in
the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader
of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of
milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at
the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the
phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe
we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East.
Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
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© 2002 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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