SPIN CYCLE

Politicians Do Their Best - And that IS Scary

Greetings Fellow Voters,
     It's only a couple of weeks until election day (he said with
some relief).  Here in Wisconsin, we have a first-rate scandal
going, with various members of the legislature charged with using
state-paid employees on government time to get themselves
re-elected.  Well, in Wisconsin this is a scandal.  In Illinois,
that would be about average.
     Making things worse, we have a governor who is so far behind
in the polls that his attack ads against his opponent have been
getting really nasty.  So far, the only things he hasn't blamed
on his challenger are the Haymarket Riots of 1886 and the War of
Austrian Succession.  But the current governor remains a dozen
points behind in the polls.
     And he has real reason to be worried.  Recently, our
conservative Republican governor was in the small town of
Hartford, Wisconsin, a berg he once represented as state senator. 
And Hartford is about as Republican as a town can get.  But even
though the trip was well-publicized in advance, there weren't any
big crowds to greet the governor.  No bands, no banners, and not
even a reporter from the local weekly newspaper.  Still worse,
there weren't even any protestors, as if everyone has given up on
his campaign, even the opposition.  I do hope the gov has that
resume ready...
     And we hear from Florida that the millions of dollars and
embarrassing media coverage since the debacle of the 2000
presidential election has completely eliminated hanging chad. 
That doesn't mean that the recent primary balloting wasn't a
flop, though.  Politicians there promise to fix the mess by the
November ballots, even though they haven't made much progress
over the last two years.  On the bright side, election monitors
from the Washington-based Center for Democracy will watch over
the election on November 5th in Dade County.  The organization
has previously sent monitors to elections in El Salvador, Panama,
Honduras, Nicaragua, Poland and Russia, among other countries. 
So they are well-suited to the problems of emerging democracies
like Florida.
     Thanks this week to our regular SUNFUN friends and
contributors, and a few of the irregular ones as well.  Folks we
want to thank this week include:  Helen Yee, Caterina Sukup,
Jerry Taff, Tim McChain, Carol J. Becwar, RJ & Mike Tully, Mike
Fagan, Bruce Gonzo, Kerry Miller, Susan Will, Jan Michalski,
Charles Beckman, Bob Martens and Joshua Brink.  Whatever you
think of the current slate of candidates, remember to vote in the
upcoming election.  This is, after all, the only circus around in
which you get to select the clowns.
     Have A Non-Political Week,


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     "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the
     whole government working for you."
                            - Will Rogers (1879-1935)

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AHEAD ON POINTS...
---------------
     One politician who obviously doesn't have much worry about
being re-elected is Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein.  Besides
controlling all of the media and politics of the country, he
didn't have to worry much about campaigning against the
opposition.
     He was the only candidate on the ballot.
     Izzat Ibrahim, Mr. Hussein's second in command, said 100
percent of the 11,425,638 people who voted, representing a 98.2
percent turnout, chose to endorse Mr. Hussein.  Voting is
compulsory for all Iraqis over 18, and the ballot on Tuesday gave
them a choice between ticking a box marked yes and a box marked
no.  Voting no on such a ballot is generally regarded as unwise,
especially in a country that does not have secret ballots.
     The United States government has its own idea about the
vote, saying it lacked any credibility.
     "It is not even worthy of our ridicule," said the State
Department spokesman, Richard A. Boucher.
     In theory, the vote gives So Damned Insane the presidency of
Iraq for another seven years, unless something major happens. 
(AP)


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     "While you are away, movie stars are taking your women. 
     Robert Redford is dating your girlfriend, Tom Selleck
     is kissing your lady, Bart Simpson is making love to
     your wife."
                            - Clueless Iraqi radio announcer,
                              Baghdad Betty, trying to demoralize
                              US troops during the Gulf War.

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A REAL NOBODY DOES SURPRISINGLY WELL...
------------------------------------
     For all of you who think that a big name or big money are
the only ways to do well in politics these days, there is an
answer.
     Nobody.
     And in Nevada, you can vote for nobody with that state's
unique "none of these candidates" ballot option.  This used to be
regarded as something of a joke by candidates in the state.
     Not anymore.
     Not after "none" defeated everyone in a September primary
vote except state Sen. Joe Neal, who will face Republican Gov.
Kenny Guinn in the November election.  Neal won with 36 percent
of the votes cast, followed by "none" with 21,311 votes, or 24
percent.  Former topless dancer Barbara Scott ran third with 21
percent.
     "It's just an embarrassing thing for candidates," Neal said
Wednesday.  "Like for me, when you're trying to make a
difference, and you have to look back and see if 'none' is going
to beat you."
     No other state has such a voting option, which was enacted
in Nevada in 1975.  Since then, periodic attempts to get rid of
it have failed.  "None" can't actually win a race, but it did
come in first in congressional primaries in 1976 and 1978.  It
also finished ahead of both George H. Bush and Edward Kennedy in
Nevada's 1980 presidential primaries.  "None" has never finished
first in a general election.  (AP)
     [ Not yet, anyway.  Think about it...  Would you want
     to show up for the inauguration as governor knowing
     you'd been defeated by "none"? ]


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     "Honest businessmen should be protected from the
     unscrupulous consumer."
                            - the late Lester Maddox, then
                              governor of Georgia, on why his
                              state should not create a consumer
                              protection agency.

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AM I BLUE...
---------
     You may have never seen, or even heard of, Montana's
Libertarian candidate for the Senate, but you would instantly
recognize him on the street.
     He's blue.
     Now, while you might be wondering why someone would run a
Smurf for Senate, the real story is that Stan Jones, a 63-year-
old business consultant and part-time college instructor, started
taking colloidal silver in 1999 for fear that Y2K disruptions
might lead to a shortage of antibiotics.  This was a concoction
he made himself by electrically charging a couple of silver wires
in a glass of water.  Colloidal silver dietary supplements are
marketed widely as an anti-bacterial agent or immune-system
booster, but some consider it quackery.
     Jones didn't think it was crap.  Not until he went
Technicolor, anyway.  Now he spends more time explaining his odd
skin tone than his tax policies.  It is one thing for a
politician to be a man of color, but this is pretty bizarre.
     "People ask me if it's permanent and if I'm dead," he said. 
"I tell them I'm practicing for Halloween."
     He does not take the supplement any longer, but the skin
condition, called argyria, is permanent.  The condition is
generally not serious.
     Jones is one of three candidates seeking to unseat
Democratic Sen. Max Baucus in November.  The others are
Republican state Sen. Mike Taylor and Green Party candidate Bob
Kelleher.  (AP)
     [ So far as we could find out, the other candidates are
     not nearly as colorful, though you can see how much of
     a boost some green dye would be for Mr. Kelleher. ]


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     "I love California.  I grew up in Phoenix."
                            - Former vice-President Dan Quayle

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MAD SCENE...
---------
     There are many serious candidates for office whose speeches
are better for insomnia than all the Sominex in New York state.
     And then there was Seattle mayoral candidate Jim "Davy Jones
XLV" Guilfoil, who ran a comical attempt to become leader of the
Emerald City in 1998.
     Calling himself "the only candidate to admit he's a pirate
at heart," the bearded Jones campaign posters featured him in
17th Century buccaneer garb, right down to the gold earring.  The
only thing missing was a parrot saying "Lower Taxes" at every
opportunity.
     Started as a joke by the Seafair Pirates Plank Party (Motto:
"If you don't like us, take a walk."), Davy Jones filled out the
slate of five "serious" candidates and six fringe candidates. 
Seattle is perhaps the only town in America where the mayoral
candidates could be their own football team.
     Campaign pledges?  Jones had them for sure, calling his the
potholes, privies, parking and patronage campaign.  His plans
advocated filling street potholes with recycled Christmas
fruitcakes and settling a debate about where to put public
toilets in the downtown area by mounting porta-potties on wheels
and towing them through town.
     He also promised to improve police officers uniforms by
adding sashes and daggers to their standard kit.
     He only got 650 votes in the primary, but has promised to
run again in the future.
          [ " Politics is the entertainment branch of
          industry."  Frank Zappa ]


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     "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings
     take dream."
                            - George W. Bush, during a campaign
                              speech in LaCrosse, Wisconsin

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A VOTE FOR INSANITY...
-------------------
     Jim "Davy Jones XLV" Guilfoil has nothing on these folks. 
And, so far as can be determined, they are serious, though
seriously weird.
     We are talking about Britain's Loony Party, the country's
official lunatic fringe, which recently held their political
caucuses in the Dog and Partridge Pub in Yateley, southern
England.  It was what you might call an unconventional
convention.
     With a full name of The Official Monster Raving Loony Party,
this group of political outsiders has been bringing flamboyant
madness to Britain's political scene for almost 20 years.
     Friday saw a 'cabinet' reshuffle.  "That basically consisted
of us all standing in a cabinet and being shuffled.  It fell to
bits so now there's a cabinet split," leader Alan "Howling Laud"
Hope said at the convention, where he is also the landlord of the
pub.  It would hardly surprise anyone to hear that there's
drinking involved with all of this.
     The Loony Party - called "Official" to distinguish it from
what they call the "unofficial loony" ruling Labor and opposition
Conservative and Liberal parties - was founded by the late David
"Screaming Lord" Sutch in 1983.
     Intending to rattle the self-importance of mainstream
parties, one-time rock musician Sutch appeared in his trademark
top hat and leopard-skin coat in 39 elections, and lost them all. 
But he delighted a British public increasingly disillusioned with
politics, adopting unlikely policies and the slogan: "Vote for
Insanity -- You know it makes sense!"
     Current policies adopted by the Loonys included improving
rail safety by tying a cushion to the front of trains and
teaching paintball in schools.
     Though the Loonys are proud of their tradition of "a giant
step backward for mankind," some of their zany proposals have
made it into law.  Lowering the voting age from 21 to 18,
legalizing commercial radio in Britain and the abolition of dog
licenses were Loony policies that made sense to others.
     Not that it has made them any more serious about current
political debates, such as the one over whether England should
join the Euro and abolish the pound sterling.
     "We're not going to join the euro," Seerius said, referring
to the debate.  "We're going to invite all the other countries to
join the pound."  (Reuters)


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     "Giving money and power to Government is like giving
     whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."
                            - P.J. O'Rourke

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