FRIGHTFULLY FUNNY

Halloween - As If The Election Isn't Scary Enough

I Bid You Welcome... 
     Somehow, the famous quote from the old Bela Lugosi movie
"Dracula" seemed appropriate enough for this thing.  There was
something about even just Bela's voice that raised the hairs on
the back of people's necks.  Could it have been that audiences
were subconsciously responding to the real-life horror of
Lugosi's paralyzing fear of failure, failed marriages, suicide
attempts, diminishing career and drug addiction.  You could make
a case that the real world of Bela Lugosi was far more
frightening than anything he did on the screen.  In the end, he
ended up working with failed movie director Ed Wood, a fate worse
than dinner theater.  If that isn't being part of Hollywood's
undead, nothing is.
     We all realize that the world is a pretty scary place
sometimes.  It says something about our relatively low state of
evolution that we cannot really control our reactions to what we
know to be fake horror.  Films, spooky rides and ghost stories
produce the same "fight or flight" adrenaline rush as if some nut
really was chasing you with a chain saw.  But without the worry
of costing your insurance company money.
     "Scary but safe" themes are always popular, whether they are
roller coasters, horror movies or Stephen King novels.  There is
a strange pleasure in being frightened, so long as we know that
nothing bad is happening.  At most amusement parks, you are far
more likely to be injured in traffic on the way to the park than
on any of the "scary" rides, which have nearly the same safety
record as elevators.
     It would be frightening to try to put this out without help
from our friends and contributors, who this week include:  Bernie
& Donna Becwar, Jerry Taff, Tim McChain, Rosana Leung, RJ & Mike
Tully, Jan Michalski, Susan Will, Alison Becwar, Carol J. Becwar
and Joshua Brink.  Thanks to all of you.  And in case you feel a
sudden need to be frightened while sitting in complete safety,
the daily newspaper is proof enough that you can be really scared
with the lights on.
     Have A Ghostly Week,


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     "I don't know why they love him so much but I don't
     think there is anything unhealthy with people's
     obsession with this guy.  They just love being scared."
                            - Actor Anthony Hopkins on fans'
                              reaction to Hannibal Lecter, the
                              character he has portrayed in three
                              movies.

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DISNEYLAND OF THE UNDEAD...
------------------------
     It may be appropriate to say so, but plans to make part of
the real Dracula's old homeland into a modern amusement park
honoring the "Count" have risen from the dead.
     Despite recent rumors of financing problems and the drop in
international travel, Romania said in early July that it was
going ahead with a Dracula theme park in Transylvania.  Besides
the money problems, there has been local opposition from groups
worried that its kitschy attractions will be out of keeping with
the medieval surrounding of the area.
     Critics, including the U.N. cultural body UNESCO, say the
$30-million park, featuring a ghost castle with torture chambers,
kitschy attractions and restaurants serving "scary meat jelly,"
would kill the medieval spirit of the 13th century area and
damage a forest reserve that is home to ancient oaks.  Critics
also point out the park would be far from any big city or
international airport, which could hinder its success.  The
amusement park is expected to feature a "vampirology" institute,
a golf course, a Gothic castle wired with spooky effects, a zoo,
horseback riding, shops and restaurants serving gory dishes - all
encircled by a miniature train line.  It's as if Charles Addams
built Disneyland.
     Unless someone drives a stake through their plans, Romanian
officials hope to start construction soon on the park on a
hilltop near the medieval town of Sighisoara 180 miles (290 km)
from Bucharest.  Government promises of around 3,000 new jobs in
the park have won over many locals, hit hard by unemployment. 
But some fear the provincial town's morals will be eroded.
     "This place will be invaded by those who practice satanic
rites and by drugs.  I already saw satanic graffiti in our
cemetery," local Lutheran priest Hans Frolich said.
     "What could children see in such a park?  People who sharpen
their teeth and drink blood or some crazy guys clad in bed sheets
and posing as ghosts?  It's ridiculous," Frolich said.
     Sighisoara was the birthplace of the 15th century Romanian
count Vlad Tepes, or Vlad the Impaler, thought to have inspired
Irish author Bram Stoker's famous Gothic novel "Dracula."  While
he was pretty horrible, he was a Prince, not a count.  And he did
not have a movie-style spooky castle.  That the historic Drac
seems to have spent much his time coming up with novel and unique
ways to kill off his many enemies doesn't seem to discourage
anyone about the project.  It might even encourage them, you
might say.
     The location and design of the park is, scarily enough,
solely in the hands of business consultants and accountants from
the international firm of PricewaterhouseCoopers.  Under the
deal, they would also make arrangements for funds worth $100
million for the project.  (Reuters)


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     "He's not really stupid; he's possessed by a retarded
     ghost."
                            - Unknown

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BADDEST OF THE BAD
------------------
     The scariest movie villain of all time?  There certainly
have been some skin crawling baddies over the years.  But in a
recent survey of moviegoers, recent talent won out.  Hannibal
"The Cannibal" Lecter has been voted the best guy in cinema
history, according to an Internet poll of more than 17,000 film
fans.
     As played by actor Anthony Hopkins' in an Oscar-winning
portrayal, the serial killer with a taste for human flesh beat
"Star Wars" basic black bad boy Darth Vader and "Psycho" killer
Norman Bates (and his mother) to claim the title.  Alan Rickman's
Sheriff of Nottingham from "Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves" took
fourth place.  A spokesman for www.only-movies.com, the Web site
that carried out the survey, said it was Hannibal's wit which
made him so appealing.
     "People love Hannibal's one-liners," he said.
     Unlike the Oscars, being dead is not a limitation in this
poll: the oldest villain to make the top 30 was Max Shreck's
Nosferatu in the 1922 movie of the same name.
     Other classic baddies included Christopher Lee's 1958
Dracula and Richard Widmark's nasty Tommy Udo in the 1947 film
"Kiss of Death."
     The nightmarish Child Catcher from Disney's "Chitty, Chitty,
Bang, Bang" made an appearance in 25th place and the shark from
"Jaws" was at No. 30.  It probably did not help that the shark's
real name is "Bruce."
     Oscar-winner Kevin Spacey was the only actor to make two
appearances on the list, for his roles in the "Usual Suspects"
and "Se7en."  (Reuters)


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     "People underestimate what it takes to be a good movie
     corpse, how hard it is to lay there and appear not to
     be breathing."
                            - Actor-turned director Burr Steers,
                              on playing one of the slackers
                              killed by Samuel L. Jackson in
                              "Pulp Fiction." 

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KING OF ALL FEARS
-----------------
     Stephen King writes spooky gothic novels that have had many
folks looking under the bed or in the closet for weird, obsessed
clowns.  So what scares him?
     King confessed to reporters "There are some very specific
things I am afraid of.  I am terrified of spiders.  Snakes don't
bother me.  But I hate bugs.  Closed in places don't bother me. 
Heights do."
     King ranks as one of the world's most popular novelists,
having sold more than 250 million copies of such horror classics
as "Misery," "Carrie" and "Salem's Lot."  After producing over 25
books in the past quarter of a century, he has never suffered
from writer's block - the fate of the hero in his book "Bag of
Bones."
     "There are probably critics out there who wish I had a
little more writer's block.  But I have been very fortunate in
that I have been able to entertain myself."  Then he added with a
cackle of delight: "If I think I have written something that
scares the hell out of people, I am delighted."  (Reuters)
     [ "My secret is that I have the heart of a small boy. 
     I keep it in a jar on my desk."  -  Stephen King ]


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COLD COMFORT
------------
     When you think of a setting for horror, places that come to
mind are Transylvania, the castles of Germany or maybe the Paris
Opera House and its associated sewers.
     But you probably don't think of Nederland, Colorado.
     That may be something the residents of that small town are
working to change, as they hosted a little event in March called
the "Frozen Dead Guy Festival."
     The festival honors dead resident Bredo Morstoel, who passed
on in his native Norway in 1989.  How he became the famous Frozen
Dead Guy and the most famous "resident" of the Colorado town is a
story worthy of Stephen King.  Or, at least, Larry King.  If you
think his name is pretty weird, the story is even zanier.
     After Bredo kicked a dozen years back, his devoted grandson
Trygve Bauge shipped the body to Colorado and preserved it in a
makeshift cryogenics laboratory in a shed in his backyard. 
Trygve was trying to preserve his ancestor for a day in the
future when granddad could be thawed out and brought back to
life.
     So far, the story is fairly straightforward.  It may be
weird to be living with a grampsicle, but not entirely
unprecedented.  But Bauge, who had never bothered to become a
legal U.S. resident, was eventually deported.  That's when the
city fathers - and city mothers - learned of the odd
preservation.  For some strange reason, when Bauge blew town, he
left grandpa on ice in the shed.  Shocked, the town leaders
quickly passed a law preventing anyone else from freezing a dead
body.
     The frozen Morstoel was of course "grandfathered" under the
law and his remains have not been disturbed.  So why the party?
     "We needed a winter festival," said Teresa Warren,
president-elect of the Nederland Area Chamber of Commerce.  "It's
an opportunity to laugh at ourselves." 
     Nederland is near Eldora Ski Resort and local businesses
have been trying to figure out a way to get skiers to stop and
spend a little money in town instead of just passing through, she
said.
     Yup, just like with the Dracula Park thing in Transylvania
and Stephen King's massive book contracts, it all comes down to
money in the end.
     Besides the coffin race the town offered tours of the shed
where grandpa is still preserved at minus 109 F.  Other events
included a pancake breakfast and a "grandpa look-alike contest." 
The contestants were not required to be frozen, though.
     A portion of the proceeds of the event go toward keeping
Moerstel's body frozen, Warren said.  (Reuters)


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     "I couldn't believe they were laughing. I find that
     very spooky." 
                            - Actor Ralph Fiennes discussing a
                              preview audience's reaction to a
                              scene in his new movie, "Red
                              Dragon," in which his character
                              tortures a tabloid journalist. 
                              More amusing is that this quote
                              comes from the New York Post - a
                              leading tabloid.

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TV, OR NOT TV, THAT IS THE QUESTION...
-----------------------------------
     Some people collect stamps or butterflies, but not Sandra
McKee of Waxahachie, Texas.  She says that she has lost count of
how much she has spent on memorabilia from the 1960s comic horror
TV show "The Munsters."
     Now she and her husband, Charles, are spending $250,000 to
build a 5,800-square-foot, Victorian-style house to replicate the
creepy home shown on the program.
     From video clips and photos acquired from "Munsters"
collectors around the country, the McKees are painstakingly re-
creating the home inhabited on TV by Herman, wife Lily, Grandpa,
cousin Marilyn and young son Eddie.
     Sandra McKee, 44, owns copies of all 70 episodes of the
sitcom, which is about a family of odd, Gothic characters headed
by Herman, played by the late actor and children's author Fred
Gwynne as a lookalike of Frankenstein's monster.
     McKee, a retired insurance agent, has made a "Munsters" fan
out of her husband, who went along with building the two-story,
5,800-square-foot house. The frame home has arched windows, 10-
foot ceilings and sits on 2 acres.
     Some months back, the actor who played the 10-year-old Eddie
Munster flew in from Las Vegas at the McKees' invitation to
inspect the house. 
     "I think it's going to be fabulous," said Butch Patrick, 48,
who said he plans to host a Halloween party there some day. 
(Reuters)
     [ That little kid in the old TV show is 48 now?  THAT
     is scary! ]


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     "From ghoulies and ghosties and long leggety beasties
     and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord,
     deliver us!"
                            - Scottish saying

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