Greetings, Fellow Bartlett's devotees..
You often heard it said, "You are what you eat." Why you
hear it said, I dunno, since it is one of the dumbest of all
possible platitudes. Far more accurate and sensible would be
"You are what you say," since the opinions you express - and how
you express them - will always come back to haunt you. Sometimes
it seems as if the whole world follows the Miranda warning,
"Anything you say can be used against you."
As those of us who've done even a little digging into
Bartlett's Familiar Quotations know, not every famous person is
quoted quite accurately quite all of the time. It comes as
something of a shock to hear how many of the famous quotes are
misapplied, mistaken or simply made up. A number of the quips
attributed to movie mogul Sam Goldwyn, Mark Twain or even Abraham
Lincoln were likely invented to fill space by bored newsmen on a
slow day. Even Yogi Berra, baseball's most quotable word
mangler, admits that not all of the famous quotes attributed to
him (a few included below) are real. Of course, in true Yogi
fashion he announced this as "I didn't really say everything I
said."
Thanks to all of our regular SUNFUN contributors, who always
make the mail fun to read. Special Thanks this week to: Bernie
& Donna Becwar, Carol J. Becwar, Ellen M. Peterson, Jerry Taff,
Mark Becwar, Bob Martens, Helen Yee, Tim McChain, R.J. Tully,
Catherine Cassidy, Jan Michalski, Susan Will, Joshua Brink and
Charles Beckman.
Even funny quotes are serious business; the things we say
are a window onto our souls. As Voltaire said, "The road to the
heart is the ear." It's a great quote, and helps to explain not
only his philosophy but also why he flunked out of medical
school.
Have A Quotable Week,
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
"Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are
objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to
break up traffic jams."
- Mary Ellen Kelly
"People that live in glass houses should dress in the
basement."
- Austin Overstreet
"I set some records that will never be equalled. In
fact, I hope half of them don't even get printed."
- Baseball catcher and sports
announcer Bob Uecker
"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is
stand still and look stupid."
- Hedy Lamarr
"You can observe a lot by watching."
- Yogi Berra
"Comedy is the art of making people laugh without
making them puke."
- Steve Martin
"If a man watches three football games in a row he
should be declared legally dead."
- Erma Bombeck
"I'm a visionary; I'm ahead of my time. Trouble is,
I'm only about an hour-and-a-half ahead."
- George Carlin
"If you can't beat 'em, don't join 'em; find bigger and
taller friends, then beat the crap out of 'em."
- Anonymous
"Sporting goods companies pay me not to endorse their
products."
- Bob Uecker
"Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes."
- Henry David Thoreau
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no
influence on society."
- Mark Twain
"Why do people sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" when
they're already there?"
- Larry Andersen
"I don't know which is worse: that everyone has his price,
or that the price is always so low."
- "Calvin and Hobbes"
"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices
have very few virtues."
- President Abraham Lincoln
"Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded."
- Yogi Berra
"If you feel like you're under control, you're just not
going fast enough."
- Mario Andretti on auto racing
"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I
have others."
- Groucho Marx
"I hate to say it but it sure beats having to work for
a living."
- George W. Bush look-alike Brent
Mendenhall, who gave up his job in
the construction business in
Missouri to impersonate the
president, quoted in The Baltimore
Sun.
"Yesterday upon the stair I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today; I think he's from the
CIA."
- Unknown
"One thing you learn as a Cubs fan: When you bought
your ticket, you could bank on seeing the bottom of the
ninth."
- Baseball commentator Joe Garagiola
"Anyone who goes to see a psychiatrist should have his
head examined."
- (Attributed to) movie mogul Samuel
Goldwyn
"I wouldn't want to belong to a club that would accept
me as a member."
- Groucho Marx.
"We have a lot in common. I also used to be a
Cardinal."
- Joe "Ducky" Medwick, former St.
Louis Cardinals outfielder, when
introduced to Pope Pius XII
"No, it's purely voluntary."
- Sir Winston Churchill, when a
fellow Member of Parliament
demanded, "Must you fall asleep
while I'm speaking?"
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll
waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
"[In academics,] Any discipline with the name '---
Studies' is the abode of charlatans."
- Gerry Harbison
"A chicken is just an egg's way of making more eggs."
- Unknown
"Never refuse wine. It is an odd but universally held
opinion that anyone who doesn't drink must be an
alcoholic."
- P.J. O'Rourke
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a
little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor
safety.
- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790),
Letter to Josiah Quincy, Sept. 11,
1773.
"Friends are like bras, close to your heart and all
about support"
- Unknown
"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can
afford to be stupid with them."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"When a true genius appears in the world you may know
him by this sign: that all the dunces are in
confederacy against him."
- Jonathan Swift
"If I played today I'd be a million-dollar player. Is
that scary or what?"
- Baseball catcher and sports
announcer Bob Uecker
"My thanks to the Academy for the very finest, greatest
award that any actor can ever receive. The only thing
a man can say at a time like this is - I am not really
bald."
- Tommy Lee Jones, after winning the
Best Supporting Actor Oscar in 1993
"I say that if Lincoln were alive today, he would turn
over in his grave."
- President Gerald R. Ford
"The future ain't what it used to be."
- Yogi Berra
"I am free of all prejudice; I hate everyone equally."
- Famous curmudgeon W.C. Fields
"The key to success is sincerity. If you can fake that
you can do anything."
- Anonymous
"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is
already full."
- Dr. Henry Kissinger
"Here's to our wives and girlfriends... May they never
meet!"
- Groucho Marx
"Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."
- Will Rogers
"Common sense is genius dressed in working clothes."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Economics is an entire scientific discipline of not
knowing what you're talking about."
- P.J. O'Rourke
"Money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
easier to live with."
- Anonymous
"The person who says it cannot be done should not
interrupt the person doing it."
- Chinese Proverb
"I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a
success at something I hate."
- George Burns
"I'm not a good shot, but I shoot often."
- President Theodore Roosevelt
"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what
you say."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You don't have to explain something you never said."
- President Calvin Coolidge
"Buy old masters. They fetch a better price than old
mistresses."
- Lord Beaverbrook
"I lead a pretty boring life. I once met an editor
from the National Enquirer who said to me, almost
apologetically, 'I'm sorry, but we're really not
interested in you.' I'm afraid that's true.'"
- Actor John Lithgow, quoted in the
New York Daily News
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this
wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
"I watch a lot of baseball on the radio."
- Former President Gerald Ford,
describing what he does these days
"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."
- Yogi Berra, describing how to get
to his house
"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where
you're going, because you might not get there."
- Yogi Berra
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
© 2002 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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