Greetings SUNFUNers,
There's no sense denying it - it is cruel to laugh at
someone else's embarrassment. So, now for the show of hands -
who of you out there hasn't done it?
Right... Now that we've established that even the kindest
of us will laugh at another's embarrassment, we can appreciate
just how funny those embarrassing situations can be.
In my family, people still tell the story about my
grandfather and the storm windows - a truly embarrassing tale
that must have happened the better part of 70 years ago.
Living in Wisconsin, one of the standard seasonal jobs then
was putting up the storm windows every Fall. In those days,
storm windows were large wood and glass outer panes that had to
be hung on from the outside - at least 5 feet high and between
three and four feet wide (1.6 x 1 to 1.3 meters in metricland).
This was a pretty substantial hunk of glass and wood to haul up a
three story ladder to the top of their house on 56th Street in
Kenosha. And - this being during the Depression - those windows
would have been pretty expensive to replace, too.
Putting the storm window in place involved shoving it ahead
of you up a ladder, lifting the window over your head and then
hooking it into position. Parts one and two went fine, but as
Grandpa lifted the heavy pane overhead, that was the exact moment
his suspenders popped from the strain, dropping his pants around
his ankles.
So there he was, twenty-five feet in the air, holding an
expensive glass window, and without his pants. And also with the
neighbor, Mrs. Renzoni, literally on her knees, helpless with
laughter and with tears running down her face she was laughing so
hard.
Grandpa did the only sensible thing, which was kick off the
pants and hang the window, before descending in his drawers to
recover his wayward trousers. All to the accompaniment of the
neighbor lady's laughter.
So much for the dignity of work, I guess. And it took Mrs.
Renzoni about a week to catch her breath, too.
Thanks this week to our friends, in front of whom we are
rarely embarrassed: Rosana & Stanley Leung, Jerry Taff, Eva Lu
Yu-Hwa & Tiffany, Chuck Maray, Kerry Miller, Jack Gervais, Ellen
Peterson, Jan Michalski, Susan Will, Tim McChain, Bernie Becwar,
Carol J. Becwar and Charles Beckman. You folks are the best.
OK, I think I've gotten through this essay on embarrassment
without any major mortifications - Just as long as I don't put up
any storm windows while wearing suspenders.
Have A Shockless Week,
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
THE MAIL OF THE SPECIES...
-----------------------
A London lawyer received a particularly intimate compliment
from his girlfriend via Email recently. She wrote at some length
about the parts of their time together she especially enjoyed.
Exactly what she wrote is more detail than necessary for this
family publication.
And that would have been enough, I suppose, except that the
lawyer, one Bradley Chait, an employee at the Norton Rose firm in
London, just couldn't resist sharing the graphically explicit
complement with some of his closest friends.
Chait forwarded it to six of his pals late last year, adding
the slightly male macho message "now that's a nice compliment
from a lass, isn't it."
Whether it was or not is now irrelevant, counsellor, as the
message, with the Norton Rose name attached, spread across the
world and has been read by at least 30 million people by now.
Norton Rose firm superiors said the young lawyer would be
disciplined, but not fired. (Reuters)
[ And the firm now has the cleanest bathrooms
in England... ]
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THE KEY FACTS...
-------------
"There was an unexpected knock on my door, and
like I always do I first checked the peephole and
asked, 'Who's there?'
"'Package delivery, ma'am. I have a package that needs
a signature,' a male voice replied.
"'Where's the package?' I asked suspiciously. The
deliveryman held it up. You can't be too careful these
days.
"'Could I see some ID?' I said, still not convinced.
"'Lady,' he replied wearily, 'if I wanted to break into
your house, I'd probably just use these.' And he held up
the keys I had left dangling in the door."
- From the Women's Forum
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IT A BAD AD...
Public school officials in Washington, DC raced to fix a
typographical error in an anti-truancy advertisement that was
splashed on city buses after finding a rather obvious grammatical
mistake, sending the district's education system to the back of
the class.
All 75 buses carried flashy signs which read:
"Go To Class -- It' A Blast!"
"The 's' was left off the contraction," public schools
spokeswoman Denise Tann said. She added that the copy had been
sent to the printer spelled correctly but that the error in the
subsequent proof had been overlooked. (Reuters)
[ D+ - Needs more effort ]
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A CAPITOL MISTAKE...
-----------------
It is rare that a major newspaper in any country prints a
howler like this.
One of China's major newspapers had a hot story on
discontent in American politics, and they went with it. Big
mistake.
But it was a great story from their perspective: The U.S.
Congress wants new building, threatens to leave Washington. The
June 3 report by the Beijing Evening News quoted Speaker of the
House Dennis Hastert as saying about the domed, 209-year-old U.S.
Capitol:
"Don't get us wrong: We love the drafty old building. But
the hard reality is, it's no longer suitable for a world-class
legislative branch. The sight lines are bad, there aren't enough
concession stands or bathrooms, and the parking is miserable."
Others in the story said Congress might move to Tennessee or
North Carolina if it didn't get a new building with a retractable
dome.
Unfortunately, the article was from the satirical weekly
"The Onion" and was a deadpan spoof of the way many U.S. sports
teams threaten to leave cities in order to get new stadiums - a
joke for which the Beijing paper was obviously culturally
unprepared. The report in the Evening News, which didn't credit
The Onion, included a graphic from the paper's Web site showing a
proposed new U.S. Capitol equipped with skyboxes and a
retractable dome.
Told the story came from the Onion and was not true, the
editor, Mr. Yu Bing demanded, "How do you know it isn't true? We
would first have to check that out. If it's indeed fake, I'm
sure there will be some form of correction."
The Evening News eventually acknowledged its mistake when
contacted by foreign reporters, though it hasn't told its
readers. (Reuters/AP)
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AND THEY'LL HAVE FUNDS, FUNDS, FUNDS...
------------------------------------
Over the last couple of elections, the ability of the
Republican party to collect money has been pretty amazing. Of
course, some are embarrassed now that it has come out that a fair
chunk of President Bush's election war chest came from a little
Texas company called ENRON, but even that isn't the whole answer
for their success.
No, the real secret seems to be that they try to collect
from as many sources as possible any way they can.
And so, we have Covina, California City Council member Tom
Palmeri, who was pleasantly surprised in March when he was named
a California Republican of the Year. What made it such a
surprise is that Palmeri is a Democrat.
"I think it's just fabulous that they bypassed (Republican
gubernatorial candidate) Bill Simon," Palmeri said. "I haven't
been a Republican since Reagan's first term in office" (in 1980).
The National Republican Congressional Committee, which
raises money for Republican congressional candidates, gave
Palmeri the honor. They also sent him a certificate and listed
his name along with 161 other honorees in a Wall Street Journal
advertisement. Not that the fancy award was free.
"All I keep getting is this bill for $150," he said. "And
they'd like me to use my credit card." (AP)
-------------------
That wasn't the only, Uh, ** Unusual ** invite to give 'til
it hurts that the Republicans have sent out recently. In another
case, an Ohio man was invited to a $2,500-a-plate fund-raising
dinner where he'd get to meet President Bush.
The invitation, complete with a personalized letter from
Vice President Dick Cheney, was sent to Robert Kirkpatrick, and
asked Kirkpatrick to "join the president and Mrs. Bush for a
private dinner in Washington, D.C." on June 19.
Unfortunately, Kirkpatrick will be unable to attend - for at
least the next 2 years, with time off for good behavior.
Mr. Kirkpatrick is a resident of the Belmont Correctional
Institution in eastern Ohio, and was sentenced last year in
Canton to nearly three years for drug possession and escape.
"I'm going to tell him that I'd be happy to attend, but he's
going to have to pull some strings to get me there," Kirkpatrick
said. (AP)
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FANS WHO WORK WELL UNDER PRESSURE...
---------------------------------
And now, the world's most embarrassing TV ratings.
Japanese soccer fans, gripped by their team's tense World
Cup match against Russia on Sunday, apparently held off on trips
to the bathroom until halftime.
During the match, which ended in Japan's first ever World
Cup victory, water use was measured to be well below normal,
Tokyo's metropolitan water authority said.
But at halftime there was a massive increase in demand, most
likely due to synchronized toilet flushing across the capital,
home to more than 12 million people.
"Demand for water suddenly leaped during half time and after
the match was over," said a spokesman at the Tokyo water office.
"Of course, we don't actually know what people were using
the water for, but the period of high demand was very short, so
we imagine it was for the toilet." (Reuters)
[ You might say they were flushed with pride
at the win. Ouch! ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
MINOR TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES...
----------------------------
A public transit bus in Maryland was the latest in a series
of such vehicles to suffer an embarrassing breakdown.
Now, we'll admit that it is an embarrassment any time a bus
breaks down, but this goes far beyond the usual minor flubs.
For one thing, the cause of this breakdown was that the bus'
two right wheels fell off.
No injuries were reported when the bus, carrying 16
passengers, lost both of its right rear wheels Wednesday. One of
the 200-pound wheels rolled onto a grassy embankment; the other
fell over next to the bus.
Even that might not be quite so mortifying if it was the
only problem of the kind. It isn't. It is, in fact, the 18th
such incident in less than a year, frustrating officials who
thought they had solved the problem.
After the accident, Transportation Secretary John D. Porcari
ordered every Maryland Transit Administration bus reinspected -
AGAIN - before being allowed back on the streets.
Wheels have fallen off 18 MTA buses in less than a year.
Injury claims have been filed by 44 passengers and 10 drivers.
Runaway wheels have struck vehicles and, in one case, a natural
gas tank, which ruptured. (AP)
[ "You mean the model cement won't work?" ]
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SPORTS SHORTS...
-------------
In 1999, Oklahoma State guard Doug Gottlieb suffered a
particularly embarrassing public lapse in a game in Lawrence,
Kansas.
After the partisan Kansas crowd started howling and poking
fun at Gottlieb during the nationally-telecast ESPN game, he and
his teammates finally noticed that the basketball star had played
nearly half the game with his shorts on backwards.
With 12:40 left in the first half, Oklahoma State called a
timeout and Gottlieb's teammates stood around him in a tight
circle in front of the bench while he turned his shorts around.
The crowd roared, then the game went on. (AP)
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TIGHT FOCUS...
-----------
If you're a crook, it pays not to focus too much on the
details and keep a slightly more general view.
That's the mistake that got a car thief in Idaho Falls,
Idaho. The man was careful enough to wipe away his prints after
breaking into a vehicle where he stole cigarettes, a lighter and
some candy.
The detail the crook missed was that the car happened to be
an unmarked police car, complete with lights, radio and shotgun.
And a police uniform jacket laying on the back seat.
The car thief also missed the fact that the driver of the
car, Lt. Royce Clements, was watching him from 15 feet away (5
meters).
Lt. Clements arrested the embarrassed suspect before he
could even leave the scene. (ABC)
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PLAY IT AS IT LIES
------------------
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to
preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon,
I want you all to read Mark 17 for next week."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon,
the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how
many had read Mark 17. Many hands went up.
The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen
chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of
lying."
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
DO THEY GIVE A HOOT?
-------------------
"Each evening bird-lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting
like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him. For
several months, Tom and his feathered friend hooted back and
forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation." Just as he
thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies
communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.
"My husband spends part of his nights calling out to owls,"
she said.
"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "My husband does, too."
In a few seconds, they started to laugh.
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© 2002 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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