Hello Again Fellow Duffers,
In many primitive societies, there are traditional
festivities that involve men gathering together and standing in a
grassy field while beating the ground rhythmically with sticks.
Needless to say, the names of these events vary from culture to
culture. In our part of the world, the name for this ancient
ritual is "golf."
Golf has been popular for centuries, originating in Scotland
as a substitute for war. It was moderately popular until 1457,
when it was banned by King James II, supposedly because it was
keeping to many of his soldiers away from archery practice. The
tradition of skipping work to go golfing is far older than most
people realize. Of course, the surest way to make something
wildly popular in Scotland is for the English to say they don't
approve (this also helps to explain the Scottish affinity for
kilts and haggis). Unlike sheep guts for supper and skirts for
men, though, the Brits themselves became so enamored of the game,
that James II's grandson IV threw in the golf towel by repealing
the ban in 1502. By that time, he had taken up the game himself.
Addictive, isn't it?
Needless to say (but I will anyway, or this introduction
will run way too short), the British Empire spread the game all
over the world back in the days when the sun never set on it.
The empire, that is, not the game of golf. This either heralded
the coming of advanced civilization or started the country club
snobation of the world, depending on your point of view. Some
people blame the upscale nature of golf for spreading such
undemocratic sports anomalies as sky boxes and valet parking
along with exclusive clubs. Worth noting for link snobs is that
golfdom's holiest of holies, the St. Andrew's course in Scotland,
is a public course where anyone with a few bucks can play.
The game of golf has been wildly popular for many decades,
leading to links in some pretty unlikely places. Up near the
Arctic circle, local rules allow the game to be played in the
snow with neon-colored balls, red-dyed snow marking the greens
and rules that cover events like losing your ball to a polar
bear.
I mention this because it will be useful for you golfers the
next time someone accuses you of being nuts for playing because
the weather isn't great.
About par for the course is saying Thanks to all the folks
who help make this thing work. High up on the leader board this
week are: Jan Michalski, Jerry Taff, R.J. Tully, Tim McChain,
Kerry Miller, The Leung Family, Shawn Mullen, Susan Will, Carol
J. Becwar, Caterina Sukup, Helen Yee and Charles Beckman. Many
people it seems, take up golf to get some balance in their lives
and to learn to relax. That does seem to work, too. I have
often noticed that the man who takes up golf to get his mind off
his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.
Have An Above Par Week,
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
If you watch a game, it's fun; if you play it, it's
recreation; if you work at it, it's golf.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
MOST DANGEROUS GAME...
-------------------
Plans for a unique golfing experience are being discussed
between the Asian countries of Thailand, Cambodia and Laos. The
proposed 27-hole course would have 9 holes in each of the three
countries.
"We will issue a certificate of play to those golfers who
fly from all over the world to play golf there, just like other
world famous golf courses do," said Somsak Thepsutin, a cabinet
minister in charge of tourism. The proposed site is in Ubon
Ratchathanee province's Chong Bok town, 400 miles northeast of
Bangkok, next to Laos' Champasak province and Cambodia's Prea
Vehear mountain.
One small fly in the ointment remains; the site between the
countries is littered with the leftovers of various wars and
border conflicts of the past few decades, including thousands of
land mines.
"Yes, the area is booby-trapped, but it is a piece of cake
for the three countries to solve," Somsak said. (Reuters)
[ They are planning a 27-hole course - but
there might be more, depending on how
efficient their bomb disposal is... ]
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"Golf is a good walk spoiled."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910), U.S. author
and humorist.
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A REAL WATER HAZARD...
-------------------
Golfers always joke about staying away from the water hazard
that eats balls. But in one of Australia's most exclusive
tropical resorts, golfers are taking the course's "water hazard"
warnings far more seriously these days.
The reason is that several crocodiles have staked their
claim to the waterholes of the Sheraton Mirage golf course at
Port Douglas in far north Queensland state, resort spokesman Greg
Finlay said.
But resort staff said the small crocodiles, about three feet
in length, are moved before they get too big and that golfers are
warned of the actual water hazard.
"Crocodiles eat the equivalent of a chicken a day, so
although there's plenty of birds around the resort to feed them,
there is still some danger," Finlay said. (Reuters)
[ And be extra careful reaching for that ball
in the rough, mate. Unless you want to be
known as "Lefty." - Club pro Steve Irwin ]
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THE RULES OF GOLF
-----------------
Forget what the PGA says. They're just interested in the
legal aspects of the game. These are the real rules:
LAW 1: No matter how badly you are playing, it is always
possible to play worse.
LAW 2: If you really want to get better at golf, go back
and take it up at a much earlier age.
LAW 3: If you habitually slice the ball, the way to make
your drive go perfectly straight is for the
fairway to curve the way you have always hit the
ball.
LAW 4: Your best round of golf will be followed almost
immediately by your worst round ever. The
probability of the latter increases with the
number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 5: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into
play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of
the universe and should be cut down.
LAW 6: Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth
bad shot is actually the beginning of the next
group of three.
LAW 7: The shortest distance between any two points on a
golf course is a straight line that passes
directly through the center of a very large tree.
LAW 8: Never buy a putter until you've had a chance to
test throw it.
LAW 9: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified
he deems himself as an instructor.
LAW 10: Palm trees look nice but eat golf balls.
LAW 11: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain
the way it works against you?
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be
bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a
group you accidentally hit into will consist of a
football player, a professional wrestler, a
convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some
similar combination.
LAW 13: No matter how well you think you are doing, the
last three holes of a round will automatically
adjust your score to what it really should be.
LAW 14: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
LAW 15: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid
only until the sunset of the same day.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
THE BOUNCE RULE RULES...
---------------------
In May, 1998 at Beaver Brook Golf Course in Haydenville, MA,
Todd Obuchowski was credited with a hole-in-one on a par 3 hole
after his tee shot went over the green and onto a highway, hit a
passing Toyota driven by Nancy Bachand, ricocheted back to the
green, and rolled into the cup. At least eight golfers witnessed
the shot.
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adw-Bk27.e2!_golf_spor_joke_.txt
THE REVENGE OF THE CATTY CADDIE...
-------------------------------
Golfer: Think I'm going to drown myself in that lake.
Caddie: Think you can keep your head down that long?
Golfer: Do you think my game is improving?
Caddie: Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.
Golfer: Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?
Caddie: Yes... Eventually.
Golfer: You've got to be the worst caddie in the world.
Caddie: I don't think so, sir. That would be too much of a
coincidence.
Golfer: Please stop looking at your watch all the time.
It's too much of a distraction.
Caddie: That's not a watch, it's a compass.
Golfer: How do you like my game?
Caddie: Very good, sir, but personally I prefer golf.
Golfer: Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddie: The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day.
Golfer: That can't be my ball, it's too old.
Caddie: It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.
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"I'll take the 2-stroke penalty, but I'll be damned if
I play it where it lies"
- Professional golfer Elaine Johnson,
after her shot ricocheted off a
tree into her bra.
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BYE-BYE BIRDIE...
--------------
When does a pro golfer hate having a birdie? When it is the
kind pro golfer Brad Fabel had at the Players Tournament in Ponte
Vedra, Florida in March of 1998.
Fabel made a three-putt bogey at the par-3 17th hole after a
large bird picked up his ball in its beak and dropped it in a
nearby water hazard.
"I've played a lot of golf but I've never seen that happen,"
Fabel said. "It was funny, but it was a little distracting.
Distracting enough that Fabel missed the second round cut by
one stroke - on account of a bird. (Reuters)
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THAT'S HOW THE GAME IS PLAYED...
-----------------------------
A bum asks a businessman on the street for a dollar.
"Will you buy booze?" the executive asks, to which the bum
replies, "No, I don't drink."
"Will you gamble it away?"
To which the bum replies, "No, I don't believe in gambling."
"Will you make bets at the golf course?"
"No, I don't play golf," the bum replied.
"Will you come home with me," the businessman asked, "so my
wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink, doesn't
gamble and doesn't play golf?"
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
© 2002 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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