Greetings, World Explorers!
It's one of humankind's most basic questions - just where in
the heck are we? OK, so it's not quite as basic as "Who am I?",
"What's for dinner?" or "Do you share my drive to procreate?,"
but we'll have to handle those questions at some future time,
thanks. The need to know the answer to the where question is
deep within our souls. I figure that it must be deeper within
women's souls than men's, though, because the female of the
species will stop and ask for directions rather than just pushing
on until completely, hopelessly lost. You'll note, for example,
that all of the world's great explorers since ancient times have
been male. To the end of his life, Columbus believed he'd landed
in India. Of course, he never asked.
I am convinced the American schools continue their futile
attempts at teaching geography only in order to protect
mathematics from being the school course we remember the least
about. For having such a large country and being so involved in
the world, Americans are famously rotten at geography. We have,
in surprisingly many cases, bombed and/or invaded countries that
most Americans couldn't locate on a map. The suspicion exists
that we might even have invaded the wrong country on occasion.
Suspicion exists that the invasion of Grenada back in the Reagan
years was actually supposed to be an invasion of Canada. You
know how easy it is to get those two confused. Good thing we
haven't had any late problems with either Austria or Australia,
isn't it?
Certainly, you think I'm exaggerating. I only wish I was.
My friend Stanley certainly doesn't think so... Stan was born in
Hong Kong, and got a transcript from graduate school at the
University of Wisconsin that gave his place of birth as "Hong
Kong, Japan." Another friend told someone at a party that she
was from Taiwan, and the person immediately started talking about
"The King and I," which, of course, takes place in Thailand.
Speaking of practical geography, the SUNFUN clan covers a
pretty wide range of territory, and we're happy you're all here
every week. Thanks this week to our friends: Eva Lu Yu Hwa &
Tiffany, Jerry Taff, Carol J. Becwar, The Peterson's, Paul Roser,
Rosana & Stanley Leung, Tim McChain, Charles Beckman, Wallace
Adams, Jack & Sherri Gervais, John Giove, Antonia Chan, Jan
Michalski, Mike & RJ Tully, Anna Macareno, Len Garver, Bruce
Gonzo, Kevin Marks and Kerry Miller. And now, from approximately
Kenosha to Kuala Lumpur: my world and welcome to it.
Have A Well-Located Week,
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A QUESTION OF BALANCE?
---------------------
"I was discussing how strange it is that the North
pole is covered by 15,000 feet of ocean, an area
completely surrounded by land, where the South pole is
a land mass covered with ice and completely surrounded
by water.
"Why," I asked, "would all that glob of land be
gathered at the South pole and not the North?"
[She answered] "That's easy. Gravity."
- ABC Newsman Hugh Downs, on a
geographic discussion he'd had with
a friend.
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Eau, Canada?
-----------
Canada is that large blob of North America roughly between
Portland, Maine and Anchorage, Alaska. I say that for the
benefit of those American citizens who may be reading this who
don't know much about our neighbor to the north. It is a tribute
to the Canadians that they find this all pretty funny, to the
point that there is a popular segment on the comedy show "This
Hour has 22 Minutes" called 'Talking to Americans'. In it, they
ask Americans on the street some question about Canada. These
started out fairly straightforward, but Rick Mercer, the dizzy
inquisitor has gone further and further into absurdity. It's a
Canadian thing, I guess.
Among the memorable geo-oddities they've captured in the
past couple of years:
- Governor Tom Vilsack of Iowa congratulating Canada on
adopting the U.S. 24-hour clock instead of metric 20-hour
clock. ("The one they use in France," he was told).
- A Harvard professor and students signing a petition to stop
the hunting of seals in Calgary, and not one, but two,
Princeton professors stating that they are strongly opposed
to the hunting of polar bears in Toronto.
- Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee congratulating Canada on
building a dome to prevent the Canadian Parliament building
from melting, which he was told was a giant igloo made
entirely of ice.
- Al Gore responding to the question of whether he would
continue the U.S. presidential tradition of visiting
Toronto, the capital of Canada, as his first official state
visit. (Al should've known: it's Ottawa.)
- George W. Bush responding very enthusiastically during the
campaign to the endorsement by Canadian Prime Minister "Jean
Poutine." The reporter used the name "Jean Poutine" two or
three times. Like Gore, Bush didn't bat an eye, but went on
to say, "I appreciate his strong statement. He understands,
I believe, in free trade. He understands I want to make
sure our relations with our most important neighbor to the
north of us is strong, and we'll work closely." ("Poutine,"
by the way, is a French-Canadian dish of French fries,
cheese and gravy. The current head Canuck is named Jean
Chretiene. )
The Canadians also got loads of laughs hearing Americans
give their opinions on such topics as: demanding that the
Canadian government stop the traditional Canadian practice of
placing senior citizens on northern ice floes to perish,
designating the Woolly Mammoth as an endangered species in
Labrador and the culling of the caribou herds in Vancouver by the
traditional practice of pummeling them with Tim Bits (which are
Canadian donut holes - no kidding).
Some Americans also agreed on camera that it was pointless
for Canada to have a Navy since it has no access to the ocean,
while others said that Canada could always keep its ships in
American ports. ("We're on the same side, aren't we?"). And,
after the election debacle in the U.S., many Americans agreed
that their country might be better off adopting the Canadian
system of voting, which is to place either a pine cone or a piece
of birch bark in a box.
[ The moral: beware of reporters asking odd questions -
especially if they smell of Moulson and back bacon... ]
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Vatican City is the smallest country in the world, with
a population of 1,000 and a size 108.7 acres.
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THE BEST OF TIMES, THE WORST OF TIMES...
-------------------------------------
A recent study sought to rank the world's cities for quality
of life. The survey covered 218 cities and took into account 39
factors that govern the quality of life, including political,
economic and environmental factors, personal safety and health,
education, transport and other public services.
By this measure, the world's best cities are: 1.) Vancouver,
2.) Zurich, 3.) Vienna, 4.) Bern, 5.) Sydney, 6.) Geneva, 7.)
Auckland, 8.) Copenhagen, 9.) Helsinki and 10. Amsterdam.
For those of you who thought that the armpit of the universe
title would go to either Jersey City or Gary, Indiana there's
good news. Here are the world's worst cities: 1.) Brazzaville,
2.) Pointe Noire, 3.) Baghdad, 4.) Khartoum, 5.) Bangui, 6.)
Luanda, 7.) Ouagadougou, 8.) Kinshasa, 9.) Bamako and 10. Niamey.
These garden spots ranked high in crime, poverty, political
instability, lack of transportation and disease. (Reuters)
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BY ANY OTHER NAME...
-----------------
Cities around the word have often adopted simplified
versions of their names for the tourist trade, including Munich
(they say, Muenchen), Vienna (Wein), Bombay (Mombai) and
Cleveland (The Mistake by the Lake). But one city that has
really benefitted from the simplification is Krungthep Mahanakhon
Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Ayutthaya Mahadilokphop Noppharat
Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan
Sathit Sakkathatthiy a Witsanukam Prasit.
Most times, folks just use the alternate name, "City of Wild
Plums" or Bangkok, the capital of Thailand.
Since its founding 220 years ago by King Rama I, few have
bothered to use the long-form name, though the country's tourist
board recently erected signs with the complete moniker for photo
purposes. Really big signs. One benefit of the long name is
that it is a good substitute for dental floss.
The "real" name, often used officially as "Krungthep," means
"City of Angels, Great City of Immortals, Magnificent City of the
Nine Gems, Seat of the King, City of Royal Palaces, Home of the
Gods Incarnate, Erected by Visvakarman at Indra's Behest."
(Reuters)
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China has more English speakers than the United States.
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THROUGH THE DOOR, BUT STILL LOST...
--------------------------------
Door County, Wisconsin has loads of scenery, but not much
imagination.
The small county currently has two Cherry lanes, two Cedar
lanes, six School roads, three Deer Trail roads, six Elm roads,
four Gardners, two Ledges and eleven different thoroughfares with
Maple in the name. There are also six Town Line roads and
several Church streets. The similar names have developed over
time as local villages in the mostly rural county approve names
without checking to see if they are already in use. The similar
sounding names have been a nightmare for emergency vehicles and
tourists alike. Because of this, the county board has been busy
renaming streets and roads with abandon.
Will it fix the problem? Some residents don't think so.
Especially since the board renamed Lautenbach Road - the only one
in the county - as Monument Bluff Road. There's already a
Monument Point Road in Egg Harbor, which is, as they say, just
down the road.
And the folks on Elm Road just hate the new name - Dutch Elm
Road. They complain that it makes the road sound like it was
named for a tree disease. (Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel)
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"I cannot conceive of anything more ridiculous, more
absurd, & more affrontive to sober judgment than the
cry that we are profiting by the acquisition of New
Mexico and California. I hold that they are not worth
a dollar."
- U. S. Senator Daniel Webster, 1848
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"There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a
rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure."
- Ross MacDonald
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MORE ODD NAMES...
--------------
The intersection of Cherry Road and Cherry Lane in Door
County may be funny, but how about some of the other geographical
oddities awaiting us across the US? For example, there's the
intersection of Grinn Drive and Barret Road in West Chester,
Ohio. Visitors to the area often stop to get a photo of
themselves at the intersection of Grinn and Barret. That
intersection was recently singled out as the funniest in America,
but it had some pretty silly competition, such as:
- Bland Street and Gore Road in Pueblo, Colorado.
- Ho Road and Hum Road in Carefree, Arizona.
- Antonio and Banderas in Rancho Santa Margarita, California.
And,
- Hickory Avenue and Dickory Avenue where they intersect with
Dock Street in Harahan, Louisiana. (Reuters)
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THE WIZ ODD OF OZ...
-----------------
Folks from around the world send questions to the official
Sydney site for the 2000 Olympics, and it made a couple of things
pretty clear. One is that many people have some weird ideas
about Australia. But the good news was that not quite all of
them were Americans. Here are some of the classic questions that
were asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site,
and the supplied answers (where appropriate):
Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin
to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes?
(Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being
held in Sydney.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde...
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the
railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles across the desert, so
you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in
time for this October...
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia?
(Sweden)
A: And do what?
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay night-clubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Yes. At Christmas.
Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
Australia? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all
year round? (Germany)
A: Another blonde?
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing
between Austria and Australia.
Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make love
outdoors? (Italy)
A: Yes. Outdoors.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No. Everybody stinks.
Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages,
and most national parks...
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it
rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this
question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ
drops any lower...
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...
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© 2002 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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