HUMOR ME!

Jokes: Practical, Impractical and Other

Hello again, Humorists
     What is humor?  We all know what's funny, at least to us. 
But what makes other people laugh?  A fair number of eminent
psychologists have written extensive treatises on humor.  These
treatises are generally so boring and unfunny that probably the
only person who ever got all the way through them was the proof
reader.  And that reading only with the likely help of a little
80 proof.
     The majority of comedians tend to come from sad and
desperate circumstances.  That they spring from the same soil as
mobsters, religious leaders and petty crooks surprises some
people.  Most folks don't realize that humor is a weapon, and an
extremely powerful one, at that.  Joking is a way of getting by
in a grim and dangerous world.  We saw a perfect example of this
last Fall.  After 9-11 last September, our humor responses seemed
to shut down and contributions to SUNFUN dropped to nearly
nothing.  But, as soon as people began to get their minds around
the event, a vast flood of silliness started to flow.  People
came to terms with even that horrible event by joking about it. 
Whether or not laughter really is the best medicine, jokes are
more than just diversions, they are our link to sanity.
     Pretty boring, right?  Darn!  Another treatise down the
toilet...
     People who bring us joy are far beyond value.  Some of the
folks who've shared with us this week include: Rosana Leung, The
Petersons, Jerry Taff, Carol J. Becwar, Joel & Kirsten Conrad,
Kerry Miller, Tim McChain, Charles Beckman, Wallace Adams, Brian
Siegl, Yasmin Leischer, Jan Michalski, Peter J. Adler, Jack &
Sherrie Gervais, Joshua Brink, Bob Martens and Anna Macareno. 
Thanks to all of you for the joy and laughs we've shared.
     The link between jokes and magic is undeniable.  Both seem
to produce something out of nothing and both a joke and a magic
trick work because of a certain amount of misdirection; you
shouldn't see what's about to happen until the surprise ending. 
Both also give us the illusion that it is possible to control
some tiny part of the universe and make it work just for you.  We
have to keep joking in this silly, stupid and unfair world. 
People who fail to laugh are in big trouble, and end up finding
other, less acceptable, ways to express their rage.  For me, I'll
take funny every time.  If, as Freud suggested, anger turned
inward is depression and anger turned outward is aggression, then
humor is anger turned sideways and painted a funny color.
     Have A Funny Week,


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STILL LAUGHING?
--------------
     Joking may be good for you, but maybe it's possible to take
even that too far.  As an example, I give you 59-year-old Juergen
Olschewski.  Okay, just once.  Take my Olschewski... please.
     No one can say that Juergen isn't a guy who enjoys a good
laugh.  That would be fine, except that his neighbors apparently
don't.  Or, at least, don't enjoy Juergen's laughter.
     Olschewski was recently forced to move out of his apartment
in the working class district of Wedding because he "violated the
rules" by laughing loudly.  "You have been charged with violating
the rules: causing disturbing noises through loud laughter," his
eviction notice said.
     "We've had too many complaints," an agency spokesperson
said.  (Reuters)
          [ We have yet to see if Juergen gets the last
          laugh. ]


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BUSINESS ETHNICS
----------------
     Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist from
the Midwest was fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants,
shops, signs and banners.
     He turned a corner and saw a building with the sign "Moishe
Plotnik Chinese Laundry."
     "Moishe Plotnik?" he wondered.  "How does that fit in
Chinatown?"  So he walked into the shop and saw just an average
Chinese laundry.  He could see that the proprietors were clearly
aware of the uniqueness of the name as there were baseball hats,
T-Shirts and coffee mugs for sale, all emblazoned with the logo
"Moishe Plotnik Chinese Laundry."
     Selecting a mug, he took it to the cash register.  Behind
the counter was an elderly Chinese gentleman who thanked him for
his purchase in a lilting Chinese accent.
     The tourist asked, "Can you tell me how this place got a
name like "Moishe Plotnik Chinese Laundry?"
     The old man answered smiling, "Ahh... Everybody asks. 
Moishe Plotnik is name of owner."
     Looking around, the tourist asked, "Is he here now?"
     "Yes, right here," replied the old man.  "He is me."
     "Really?  How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"
     "So simple," said the old man, clearly enjoying telling his
story.  "Long time ago when I come to this country, I stand in
line at Documentation Center.  The man in front of me is a Jewish
gentleman from Poland.  The clerk looked at him and say, 'What
your name?'"  He say, 'Moishe Plotnik.'
     "Then she looked at me and said, 'What's your name?'  I
answer with my Chinese name and she wrote on the immigration
form.  Ever since I am Moishe Plotnik.  Some funny name, but very
good for business.
     "I don't quite understand how that made your name Plotnik,"
said the tourist.  "What is your Chinese name?"
     "Sam Ting," said the owner, smiling.


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THE GOOD BOOK SAYS...
------------------
     Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday
School.
     "Well, mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind
enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of
Egypt.  When he got to the Red Sea he had his engineers build a
pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.  Then he
used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. 
They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and saved the
Israelites."
     "Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?"
his mother asked.
     "Well, no, mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did,
you'd never believe it."


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     The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
     is to forget it once.

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JUST WEIGHT 'TIL YOU GET HOME...
-----------------------------
     The father was doubtful of his son's sudden interest to
become Charles Atlas.  Nevertheless he went with the teenager to
the sporting goods store to look at weight-lifting equipment.
     "Please, Dad," begged the boy, "I promise I'll use them
every day..."
     "I'm not so sure, Danny.  You may lose interest before
long," his father was quick to point out.
     "Ahhhh please, Dad?"
     "Besides, it's quite an expense," the father added.
     "I promise, Dad, I'll use them...."
     Danny finally won, and his Dad paid for the equipment.  As
the father was leaving the department, he heard his son call
out... 
     "What!  You mean I have to carry this stuff to the car?"


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A BIRD IN THE HAND...
------------------
     A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.
The audience would be different each week, so the magician was
able to do the same tricks over and over again.  There was only
one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and
began to understand how the magician did every trick.
     Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the
show: "Look, it's not the same hat"  "Look, he is hiding the
flowers under the table"  "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of
Spades?"  The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it
was, after all, the captain's parrot.
     One day the ship had an accident and sank.  A fate would
have it, the magician found himself on a piece of wood in the
middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course.  They stared at
each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.  This went on
for a day and another and another.
     After a week the parrot said: OK, I give up.  Where's the
boat?"


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THE BLONDE LEADING THE BLONDE?
-----------------------------
     Most of the blonde jokes are just stupid.  Yes, I do
understand that this is the point, but what I mean is that the
majority are stupid enough not to bear repeating.  Here's one
that's a cut more clever than most:


     A blonde drives to a gas station and has her tank filled up. 
While doing this the clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back
seat of the car.
     He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back
seat?"
     The blonde says, "I found them.  I asked myself what to do
with them but, I haven't a clue."
     The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to
the zoo."
     "Yeah, that's a really good idea, " says the blonde and
drives away.
     The next day she is back at the same gas station.  The clerk
sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.  "Hey,
they're still here!  I thought you were going to take them to the
zoo!"
     "Oh, I did," says the driver, "and we had a swell time. 
Today I'm taking them to the beach."


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THE TRUTH WILL OUT...
------------------
     "My name is Billy.  What's yours?"  asked the first boy.
     "Tommy", replied the second.
     "My Daddy's an accountant.  What does your Daddy do for a
living?" asked Billy.
     Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
     "Honest?" asked Billy.
     "No, just the regular kind.", replied Tommy.


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THAT'S OUR POLICY...
-----------------
     Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the
insurance company.
     Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured
for fifty thousand and I want my money."
     The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. 
Insurance doesn't work quite like that.  All the insurance
company can do is to figure out the value of what was insured and
provide you with a new one of similar value."
     There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like
to cancel the policy on my husband."


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SCIENTIFICALLY TESTED...
---------------------
     What is the world's funniest joke?  Up until now, there has
been endless speculation.  On the old Monty Python TV show, they
had a skit about a joke that was so funny it caused instant death
to anyone that read it.  Of course, they never actually revealed
the joke, which was not only funnier, but probably kept their
ratings higher.
     Now, thanks to scientific testing by the British Association
for the Advancement of Science, we know beyond a doubt which joke
is the funniest.  The Laugh Lab project was created by Dr.
Richard Wiseman of the University of Herfordshire.  In an
experiment lasting three months, the BAFTAS asked thousands of
people to rate various funny stories on their humor potential. 
The BA says that this joke was the most popular among 10,000
submitted, being chosen as the best by 47 percent of the 100,000
people from more than 70 countries who took part in the survey. 
See what you think:


          Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping
     trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.  Some hours
     later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
          "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you
     see."
          Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
          "And what does that tell you?"
          Watson ponders for a minute.  "Astronomically
     speaking, it tells me that there are millions of
     galaxies and potentially billions of planets. 
     Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. 
     Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter
     past three.  Theologically, it's evident the Lord is
     all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
     Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day
     tomorrow.  What does it tell you?"
          Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. 
     "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."


  The jokes can be seen, made and rated on www.laughlab.co.uk. 

          [ Prof. Wiseman may be the first researcher
          to find a legitimate way to get the
          government to fund funny business. ]


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