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 [ BACK]  [NEXT]                       Issue #250 - 05/27/2001

TRADITIONAL FUNNIES

Tales Whose Time Has Come...

Greetings Friends,
     While the exact impact may vary from culture to culture, we
all feel the pull of tradition.  All of us do things certain ways
without really considering why, just because things have always
been done that way.  Of course, tradition provides us with a
connection to our world and our shared history, but such
traditions can also serve to trap us and limit what we can do. 
Most times, these traditions started with a practical or sensible
idea, but there are some of that started silly and stayed that
way.  Those are, of course, the traditions that people take the
most seriously.
     One tradition that we have always kept here at SUNFUN is
saying Thank You to all of our friends who help with Funnies.  As
much as I'd love to manufacture every story and joke you see, I
could never do this without the encouragement and contributions
of you loyal readers.  Special thanks this week to: Caterina
Sukup, radio star Helen Yee, Laura Hong Li, Jerry Taff, R.J.
Tully, Nnamdi Elleh, Bruce Gonzo, Charlie Beckman, Dan and Barb
Butler, Jan Michalski, Howard Lesniak, Tim McChain, Patsyv,
Yasmin Leischer, Annamarie Macareno and Joshua Brink.
     One reason I bring up traditions for this episode is that
this week marks the 250th weekly SUNFUN.  More than a few of you
have been on the Email version of this silly thing from the very
beginning.  Back then, I figured it would last few weeks until
the material ran dry.  I was saved by a few other traditions,
such as the tradition to give as you have received; I get back a
few stories for every one I send out, which is a great help to
everything but hard drive space.  The other thing that saves me
is the very human tendency to say or do foolish things, which
provides a great percentage of the material.  I'll leave it to
you whether that's instinct, tradition or stupidity on the hoof. 
Whatever it is, we couldn't do without it as real stories beat
made-up ones every time.
     Folks often ask why I do this crazy thing.  Over the years,
I have given varying reasons, because, frankly, I don't know
exactly why myself.  The little project seems to have developed a
life of its own over the years.  And now I have a pretty good
answer to that question; after 250 of these silly things, I can
simply say, "It's a tradition."
     Have A Traditionally Great Week,

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THE WATER BILL...
--------------
     When you contract for a service, you had better pay for it.
     That's what the Yakama Tribal Council is telling the federal
Bonneville Power Administration.  Bonneville runs many of the
dams in Oregon, dams that were, until recently, nearly empty
because of a drought.  The same dams that are now making huge
fortunes providing power to California.
     With the shadow of drought hanging over the Columbia River
valley last March, the Yakama Indians were approached by BPA to
perform a weather ceremony, which most folks call a "rain dance."
The power administration sent a letter to Yakama Tribal Council
offering to sponsor 'events directed at reducing the impact' of
the drought, which the letter called a "drought mitigation
proposal."  Naturally, no government bureaucrat is going to ask
for a rain dance.
     Whatever the climatological cotillion was called, the
Yakamas did their "drought mitigation" dance, and the rains came,
helping to refill the dams.  And, believing the he who calls the
tune should pay the piper, the Yakamas sent the government a bill
for services rendered, Re: rain.  One thing this controversy does
is define the price of precipitation - $32,900, which the Indians
say was their cost in transporting, housing and feeding the
dancers.
     "We're still trying to figure out if there's compensation
that could be provided these people who are basically traditional
people who did a service," said Yakama Tribal Council's Randy
Settler.
     The BPA does admit that rainfall increased after the March
ceremony, helping to ease the water crisis for it's Columbia
River dams.  Now Bonneville Power is afraid they will be stuck
trying to explain to Congress why it committed taxpayer money to
fund what might be considered a tribal religious ceremony.  (KATU
Ch.2, Portland, Oregon)
     [ And thereby hangs a tale: Many non-Indians believe
     that all the Indian tribes have a fairly similar set of
     traditions.  Nothing could be further from the truth. 
     As with any other group, traditions tend to reflect the
     local environment.  Some years ago, when Wisconsin was
     going through a serious dry spell, a Madison politician
     asked the local Indians if they could do a rain dance. 
     They looked at him rather perplexed, then informed him
     he was looking for some other Indian tribe.  The local
     Indians had no rain dance, for about the same reason
     that the Eskimos have no snow dance; in this area, the
     Great Spirit generally sends all the rain anyone could
     want.  And more. ]


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WHY PEOPLE FLOCK TO MONTANA
---------------------------
     The loudspeaker blares a warning: "Get out of the way! The
sheep are coming!"  And with that, hundreds of sheep run down the
main street of Reed Point, Montana while onlookers cheer and
applaud.
     "It's like the running of the bulls in Spain, only a whole
lot safer," said resident Connie Schlievert.
     It may sound strange that this town's tradition is a parody
of Pamplona's bull run, but the tradition here runs just as deep. 
About 60 miles west of Billings, this is the heart of Montana's
sheep country and the woolly beasts are a part of everyday life.
     But the tradition of the run through town got started as a
result of 1989's "Great Montana Cattle Drive," honoring the
state's other major ranching industry.  The rival sheepmen
thought they could do as well, and held a sheep drive, almost as
a joke.  To their astonishment, people came from across the
country to witness the event, and a tradition was born.  About
6,000 people took part in the festivities last September.
     "Any time you can get that many people into a town of 100,
that's pretty good," said resident Jerry Friend.
     Money generated by the sheep drive has been used by the
local community club to repair the roof of the fire station, put
an addition on the library and buy limousine rides for high
school basketball players after a winning season.
     One difference from Spain's bull run is that the local folks
advise against running along with the sheep.  The animals spook,
and have occasionally stopped cold the middle of their run.  At
least there's no danger of being gored at this festival, or
having to dodge a charging lamb.
     And the event in Spain probably doesn't feature a menu of
roast bull sandwiches.  (AP)


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MORE SHEEP THRILLS...
------------------
     For perhaps the last time, the London Society of Freemen
have exercised their traditional rights in England.  The story
goes that the Freemen of the City, an old and honorable order,
have the right to drive sheep across London bridge, which they
did recently to raise money for charity.  Lord Mayor of London
Clive Martin joined more than 400 Freemen of the City in the
sheep drive, following a tradition that has lasted nearly 1,000
years.  The Freemen were dressed in their traditional 1200's
clothing and the Lord Mayor wore his fancy dress uniform.  The
sheep wore their traditional wool coats.
     "It is a myth that the Freemen have the legal right to drive
sheep across London Bridge, but it was traditionally done to
avoid taxes and turnpikes," the Lord Mayor told reporters.
     Though the event was a great success and raised nearly
$60,000 for charity, it is likely to be the last such event. 
Police have said that they would scrap a range of such
traditional rights no longer suitable in modern times.  That also
includes the Freemen's other historic right - the right to be
hanged with a silken cord instead of a rope if they are sentenced
to death.  (Reuters)
          [ I guess the thinking on that was that you
          still go out, but you do it with a little
          class. ]


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THE LEGEND OF DEAD FRED...
-----------------------
     In last year's hotly-contested presidential elections, good
seats to political events were always at a premium.  That was
even true of the vice-presidential debates, such as the one held
at Centre College in Danville, Kentucky.  It was the biggest
event at the small school since they beat the Harvard football
team in 1921.
     But one seat was kept empty, filled only by the framed
portrait of a dead guy.  Right!  It has to be a tradition, since
it is too silly to be anything else.
     The subject of the portrait is Fred Vinson, A.K.A. "Dead
Fred," who was Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court until he
joined the choir in 1953.  The most famous of Centre College's
graduates, Vinson had attended football games and events loyally
throughout his long career in law.  Upon Fred's death, the
college alumni started the tradition of reserving a seat for him
at all college events.  (Reuters)


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YOU SAY TOMATO...
--------------
     Besides bull fights, machismo and rain on the plain, Spain
is widely known as the home to a wide variety of odd local
festivals.  The town of Bunol in the Valencia region is known for
its unique festival in celebration of the tomato called the
"Tomatina."
     While some of Spain's quirky local festivals have had
difficulty lately from animal rights people, the Tomatina is
probably safe for now.  Opinions vary on how this traditional
festival got started in the 1940's - some say it was two rival
bands of youths, or a protest against some incompetent musicians,
or even a political action against an unpopular mayor.
     Whatever the case, the main part of the festival consists of
people lining up on the streets to toss ripe tomatoes at each
other.  In the most recent Tomatina, 20,000 people took part
hurling an estimated 100 tons of salad fixings around the town -
enough to leave folks wading knee-deep in squashed tomatoes. 
(Reuters)
          [ And a sociologist somewhere is bound to
          remark on the continuing cultural influence
          of the Three Stooges. ]


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MORE RUST FROM THE FORMER IRON CURTAIN
--------------------------------------
     Isn't it amazing how the silliest things can become a
tradition if you do them long enough or often enough?  And, while
television isn't all that old, it has developed quite a set of
traditions.  Just think of all of the really awful old TV shows
that have been made into even worse movies...  But, I digress.
     Naturally, with all of the changes in the former Soviet Bloc
countries, traditions and viewing habits there have changed
dramatically.  To celebrate the fall of communism, viewers in the
Czech Republic were recently treated to a rerun of the TV
traditions of the Soviet-era, as the modern array of Western-
style soap operas, talk shows and commercials were replaced by
Czech TV of the 1960's.  A hint - it isn't exactly the Brady
Bunch.  Broadcasting of that era had a decidedly Bolshevik bent,
as viewers were treated to the old "all-propaganda, all the time"
format.
     Replacing "Baywatch" and the local version of "Wheel of
Fortune" were such collectivized gems such as:  "Festival of
Political Songs," "Russian Lectures" and a feature movie called
"A Skirt, But a Green One."  The film tells the tale of "a
secondary school student who resisted her parents and gave up the
love of a boy to be able to join military university."  Another
Soviet-era movie, "He Who Searches Finds" revealed the shocking
story of "abuses blocking the development of socialist economy in
a washing machine company."
     And instead of commercials to fill up the viewing day, shows
were bridged by "pauses" with silence and a camera focused a
still picture.  That was another tradition of the iron curtain
era; even in the perfect socialist states, viewers still had to
take a potty break now and again.  For the event, Czech TV
revived a break picture that had been used often enough to become
a local tradition itself - a kitschy shot of wallpaper featuring
a drawing of playful kittens.  (Reuters)
          [ I'll leave it to you to decide if the
          better bathroom break is quiet commie kittens
          or crashing capitalist commercials. ]


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BOOM!  ANOTHER TRADITION SHOT...
-----------------------------
     As we have seen, just because something has been done long
enough to make it a tradition doesn't protect it from the
shifting sands of modern regulation.
     For nearly 150 years, the firing of a brass cannon has
marked the start of races in Britain's Cowes Week yachting
regatta, but not anymore.
     The races, a major social event and a popular tourist draw,
are held on the Isle of Wight off of England's south coast.
     Local authorities notified race organizers before the start
of last year's race that they were investigating the health risks
of the cannon firing.  They claim the blasts are a potential
source of noise pollution and would prefer that the race be
started some other way.  Naturally, the council's interference
angered the event's organizers.
     "It is bureaucracy gone mad," said Stuart Quarrie, director
of Cowes Combined Clubs.  "In the last year, we have had only one
call from a woman who asked if we could make the shots a bit less
noisy because she was watching the racing and they made her
jump."  (Reuters)
          [ Bureaucracy gone mad?  I thought that was
          next week... ]

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© 2001 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.