Hi again, Net Friends...
It has been a rough couple of months for folks in the
digital domain. First, there was that series of "Denial Of
Service" attacks that flooded web sites and slowed net traffic to
a crawl. And there was that court decision against Microsoft,
where - surprise, surprise - Micro$oft was declared a monopoly.
I'm glad they finally got around to it, but isn't that a little
like the court officially declaring that Christmas is in
December?
It may be a coincidence, but it was just after that decision
that all those Wall Streeters who had been busy throwing money at
any company called E- suddenly got cold feet. Do you
think that someone became worried that Bill Gates would take all
his money and stick it in a mattress? A really, really big
mattress.
It has been an unusual week here at SUNFUN Central, too...
For one thing, I had to call tech support. Most of the time, I
_am_ tech support, but I ran into a configuration error that even
the usual guru-level incantations couldn't overcome. Even
reinstalling the affected programs didn't work. Sure enough, the
problem wasn't in this machine, but with a computer in Chicago
that couldn't talk nice to one in Cleveland. The positive side
of this web stuff is that we are all equal in the digital
domain... In cyberspace, no one can tell what you look like or
where you live or how much you earn. On the other hand, our very
connectedness means that you can be thrown offline by a computer
you never heard of in a place you'd never guess because of an
error that nobody knows how to fix. The wonder of the web is not
that there are occasional problems: the wonder is that it works
at all.
Thanks this week to our well-connected friends in the
digital domain, including: Rosana Leung, Fumiko Umino, Number
13,000: Ted Wilder Sr., Beth Butler, Etsuko Hori, Carol Becwar,
Jan Michalski, Laura Hong Li, Chuck Maray, Bruce Gonzo, Tim
McChain, Kerry Miller, Peter J. Adler, John Wallner, Howard
Lesniak, Nancy Wohlge, Jack Gervias, Anna Macareno, and Joshua
Brink. So, pull up your WINSOCKs and be prepared to follow
TCP/IP because we're off for a virtual trip through cyberspace.
Just remember that by reading further, you have already accepted
the terms of the software license. Mr. Gates will send you a
bill...
Have A Digitally Enhanced Week!
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
There are computer salesmen and car salesmen. They
differ only in that car salesmen know when they are
lying.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
LET'S MAKE THIS CRYSTAL (BALL) CLEAR...
------------------------------------
"Although we think highly of the capabilities of our
technical support staff, we recognize that they do
suffer from some limitations; namely, they do not
possess psychic or telepathic powers. Therefore, their
ability to help you depends a great deal on your
ability to help them."
- Excerpt from the manual for the
PlexWriter Model 8/20 CD Recorder.
(Page 56).
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
"One if by LAN, two if by C."
- Paul Revere, as quoted by [computer
expert] John Karwoski
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
PRINTER ERROR!
-------------
Two 15-year-old boys in Cyprus have apparently decided that
there is a better way to make money than by recycling cans or
delivering newspapers. They have decided to cut out the middle
man completely and just make money. So, using one of the boy's
home computer and color printer, they went into the business of
making Cypriot 10 pound notes.
"It looks like they were cashing the notes in for change
after printing them off a computer," a police spokesman told the
Reuters news agency.
Police say that they think the kids' scheme had been in
operation for about a month. They might have gotten away with it
much longer except for one shopkeeper with sharp eyes who got
suspicious. Authorities there are still deciding whether to
charge the kids with counterfeiting. (Reuters)
[ On the bright side, it's nice to know that
somebody FINALLY made a significant profit in
E-Business... ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
COMPUTER PHILOSOPHY AND THE SEARCH FOR THE ULTIMATE TRUTH...
---------------------------------------------------------
"There are no right answers to this [computer]
question, only varying degrees of wrongness"
- A systems engineer where I work
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN ONLINE TOO LONG IF:
---------------------------------------
- You keep begging your un-wired friends to get online so "we
can hang out."
- You have to get a second phone line just so you can call
Pizza Hut.
- You type faster than you think.
- At work, your boss constantly has to remind you that the
word i should be capitalized.
- You find it much more comfortable to watch TV with the sound
off and the closed captioning on.
- Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
- You know more about your chat room friends' daily routines
than you do your own spouse's.
- From constant practice, you can actually read and follow all
the names of the cast that scrolls up your TV screen at the
end of a movie.
- You find yourself lying to others about your time on-line
and, when they complain that your phone was busy, you claim
that the phone company was working on the line.
- It causes an identity crisis if someone is using an Email
name close to your own.
- You would rather tell people that your bloodshot eyes are
from partying too much than from being online all night.
- Your spouse now complains that you move your fingers in your
sleep instead of talking.
- You are bothered by an annoying person offline and wish you
had your ignore button handy.
- In the morning, the first thing you do is get online before
you have your first cup of coffee.
- You don't even notice anymor wen peopl typw in n extrmly
garbld fashon.
- You dream in "text."
- You stop speaking in full sentences.
- Your spouse can only get your attention by sending you an
Email.
- Tech Support calls "YOU" for help.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
THE ROAD TO DULLSVILLE...
----------------------
One thing you can say about the Web - there's a web site for
everyone. Even people who aren't interested in much of anything.
Or maybe, it's just for people who have given up on the rat
race of trying to keep up with the latest trends and decided to
dull down. About as far from being "in and trendy" as you can
get and still be drawing breath, the website for the "National
Council of Dull Men" tells dull jokes, reviews dull books and
lists dull events for every month of the year.
"In March, we like to watch maple trees during sugaring
time. Sap dripping -- just right to watch -- the right pace, the
right suspense," suggests the site.
They also have a dull test to find out if dullness is your
natural calling, including dull questions like: "Do you like to
watch airport luggage carousels?" and "Do you like English food?"
Needless to say, the site - at
http://www.dullmen.com
- is kind of dull. (Reuters)
[ Hurry on over so you don't miss this
month's featured event - Folding Road Maps. ]
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Standard Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or
fact are always caused by transmission errors.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
WALK THE WALK AND TALK THE TALK...
-------------------------------
People talk about not understanding computers and think that it
is all some kind of secret code. And computer error messages can
be maddeningly incomplete and misleading. So here are a few
common things your computer might say and what the machine is
really trying to tell you.
When your computer says: What it really means:
-------------------------------------------------------
"Press Any Key" "Press any key you like but
nothing is going to happen."
"Press A Key" (This one's a programmers
joke. Nothing will happen
until you press the "A" key.)
"Fatal Error. Please contact "You will be kept on hold for
technical support regarding 210 minutes, only to be told
error # 1A4-FF4C5D2430E" that it's a hardware problem
and they can't fix it anyway."
"Please insert disk 11" "I know perfectly well there
are only 10 disks - I was just
testing to see if you're
awake."
"Installing program to "But we're not going to tell
C:\..." you about all those other
files we've written into
c:\windows\system and the
registry where you'll NEVER
find them."
"PPTP Configuration Error" "Yes, it is supposed to mean
'Point-to-Point Transfer
Protocol,' but it's much more
fun to think of it as what the
Plains Indians called the
bathroom."
"Formatting Drive C:..." "That'll teach you to click
"Y" when you don't really mean
it."
"Cannot read from drive D:..." "I probably could - if you put
the CD in right side up..."
"Please Wait..." "You didn't actually have a
life to get back to, did you?"
"Directory does not exist..." "... any more."
"The application caused a "Look, I don't care which one
general protection fault and you choose. You still won't
will be shut down. Choose get your work back."
Ignore or Close."
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
"Things are moving so fast in the computer industry
these days that I'm expecting that the next generation
of computers will be out of warranty before they leave
the factory."
- bbb
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
BOOK HER, DANNO...
---------------
After being insulted by someone she met through a chatroom
date, author Madelene Sabol decided to get even - by publishing a
self-published, self-help book on Internet dating called "You've
Got Male." It has been moderately successful, selling 300 copies
so far.
But now she's in some trouble with - you saw this coming -
America On Line. That's right, AOL says they have exclusive
rights to the phrase "You've Got Mail!" as issued by their
software in that distinctive, game-show-host-voice when you have
an Email. (Around SUNFUN Central, that voice is universally
referred to as "Mr. Smarmy.")
Sabol has no intention of giving in, though AOL's lawyers
have sent her a cease and desist letter, telling her to stop
selling the book and not do a second printing or she will face a
lawsuit.
"This is routine," said AOL spokesman Jim Whitney. "When we
see our trademark being used we take action. We believe when
people hear that phrase they think of AOL." (Reuters)
[ He's right - we DO think of AOL! That's
exactly what makes it such a perfect a title
for a book about calling someone who is slow
to respond, gives you no respect, is always
busy and hangs up on you at random times. ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
"The moving cursor prints, and having printed, blinks
on."
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
© 2000 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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