Hi again, Fellow Journalists!
One thing about doing a column like this every week is that
it gives you a real appreciation for how easy it is for mistakes
to creep into your writing. SUNFUN certainly has the occasional
run of silly syntax or misplaced metaphor. Like the couple in
last week's Funnies that some of you noted. Yup, I was on
deadline again and should have read it over one more time before
hitting Send. So, for those of you who get the Email edition,
here is the SUNFUN, do-it-yourself error repair kit:
Espania un , s to
Writing is hard and mistakes slip by so easily - especially
when time is short and deadlines loom up. So it isn't surprising
that quite a few blunders find their way into print. Most are
just confusing or silly, but a few go to the next level and take
on a kind of grandeur.
Special thanks this week to our Special Foreign
Correspondent Fumiko Umino, Anchorman Jerry Taff, and field
reporters Laura Hong Li, Helen Yee, Tim McChain, Caterina Sukup,
Jan Michalski, Nnamdi Elleh, Howard Lesniak, Tomoko Naito, John
Wallner, Jack Gervais, Joshua Brink, Kerry Miller, Beth Butler,
Bruce Gonzo, Diana Lee. Though we've done this headline edition
a few times before, these are all new ones. I think. If not,
that would be another mistake.
Have A Great Week,
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
SO, WHAT WAS IT YOU MEANT TO SAY?
--------------------------------
PENTAGON PAYS $76 FOR SCREW
- Grand Junction, Colorado, Daily
Sentinel
OTTAWA MAY TACKLE HOMELESS
- Toronto Star headline
[ Oh, THAT'S what Canadian rules football is
about... ]
"Statistically, Don Gantz has bagged one-third of a
deer in each of the 30 years he has been hunted."
- Reston, Virginia, Times
[ Easier to carry home, too. ]
"... the money will not be going directly into the
prostitutes' pocket, but will be used to encourage them to
lead a better life. We will be training them for new
positions in hotels."
- The London Daily Telegraph in a
piece headed "Brussels Pays 200,000
Pounds to Save Prostitutes"
[ New positions? The mind boggles... ]
"At 1:54 a.m. a student was caught with possession and
consumption of an opened beer can, which violated university
rules and regulations."
- The Cambridge (Massachusetts)
Observer
[ Beer is one thing, but you certainly don't
want to mess with someone who consumes beer
cans. ]
MAN WHO SOUGHT SEX NOW IN CUSTODY
- The Declaration, Independence,
Virginia
[ Could there be enough jails? ]
"A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of
inflatable teeth, was rescued by a man on an inflatable
lobster. A coast-guard spokesman commented, "This sort of
thing is all too common these days."
- The London Times
[ Common?! ]
MEN WHO MAKE INAPPROPRIATE ADVANCES SHOULD BE EXPOSED
- Mississippi's Delta Democrat Times
"An outbreak of scabies at the Ann Lee nursing home was
contained this week after the facility and its residents
were sterilized, officials said Wednesday."
- Albany Times Union
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
MERELY FOOLISH...
--------------
HOOKED ON INTERNET? HELP IS A JUST A CLICK AWAY
- Reuters headline
[ Is that a 12-click program? ]
DUQUOIN GETS 1.02 INCHES OF RAINFALL, 5 INCHES OF LIGHTNING
11-10 Complainant reported neighbor's dog was left out
for days at a time. Complainant was concerned for
dog's well being. Located dog in question and found it
to be a statue.
- Wabasha (Minnesota) Police Report
Column
STATE SAYS COST OF SAVING MONEY TOO HIGH
COMPROMISE ON TEN COMMANDMENTS
- AP headline
[ ...Choose any five. ]
TWO DAYS ONLY, THIS SATURDAY AND SUNDAY APRIL 31ST & APRIL
32ND
- Headline of an ad for the Zangara
Auto Dealerships
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
THIS SPELLS TROUBLE...
-------------------
"A cutline under the photo that ran with the play review of
'Le Grande Guignol' in last week's issue read 'Four French
whores'... when it should have said 'Four French horrors.'"
- California State University at
Chico's student newspaper, the
Orion
"Auditions for the musical 'The Little Shop of Whores' will
be held on Saturday, July 5 at Hilbert."
- Chilton, Wisconsin, Times Journal
[ Ah, the dangers of filing your story by
phone... ]
SUMMER SCHOOL BOOSTS SCRORES
[ Any guess which news writer needs to boost
his scrore? ]
DAMN CONSTRUCTION 92 PERCENT COMPLETE AT BRUSHY CREEK
"An open house is scheduled for Dec. 12-13... a live
flamingo guitarist will play both days."
- Virginia Wine Gazette
[ Giving us the bird, eh? ]
"We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we
stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police
Force.' This was a typographical error. We meant of course
that Mr. Nicolme is a detective in the police farce."
- From The Derby (England) Abbey
Community News
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
READ NO FURTHER...
---------------
WIFE STABS HUSBAND AFTER HE BRINGS HER BOUQUETS
- Reuters headline
"Located in University Health Services, the Blue Bus
clinic offers free sexually transmitted disease to
students."
- University of Wisconsin-Madison
Badger Herald
BUTTS SLAMS BEER ADS FEATURING ANIMAL SEX
- UPI headline
PARTY TIME AT SEWERAGE TREATMENT PLANT
"In addition to the cookout, the event will include
guided tours of the plant, a moonwalk and pony rides
for the children, a dunk tank and a disc jockey."
[ Dunk Tank?! ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
THANK YOU MR. OBVIOUS...
---------------------
Sometimes headline writers are clearly straining to sound
profound with a really obvious truth. The results are almost
always pretty silly:
POLITICS ARE INEVITABLE IN CAMPAIGN SEASON
- New York Times
[ No kidding? ]
RETIREMENT WILL BE CHEAPER IF YOU SPEND LESS
- Gary Klotts Syndicated Financial
Column
THE WORD 'GUILTY' UPSETS DEFENDANT
- over a story about a man charged
with making bombs who said the word
"guilty'' violated his religious
beliefs, in the Seattle
Post-Intelligencer
SLOW, POORLY PLAYED GAMES DON'T MAKE COMPELLING TV
- USA Today
UNNECESSARY WORRY CAUSES UNNECESSARY WORRY
ELIZABETH DOLE HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO RUN AS A WOMAN
CRITICS SAY SUNKEN SHIP NOT SEAWORTHY
- Alexandria (Virginia)
Times-Dispatch
[ At least, not anymore... ]
CHAMBER ELECTS OFFICERS: WILL SPONSOR CHRISTMAS PARADE
"The Inola (Oklahoma) Area Chamber of Commerce will sponsor
the annual Christmas Parade to be held probably sometime in
December."
[ Of course, they might decide to hold the
Christmas Parade in July when the weather is
better. ]
DEAD-BEATS CONTRIBUTE TO POVERTY
- AP headline
EXPERT: IGNORANCE MAY WORSEN SITUATION
- UPI headline
STUDY: DRINKING, FAINTING CONNECTED
- AP headline
[ They're still working on studying that
falling down and throwing up part... ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
PROBABLY NOT THE BEST WAY TO PUT THIS...
-------------------------------------
QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED
LEWINSKY GETS BROAD IMMUNITY
- Fort Lauderdale's Sun-Sentinel
ANTIQUE STRIPPER TO DISPLAY WARES AT STORE
[ Put it on! Put it on! ]
AIRLINE TRAVEL SAFER DESPITE MORE ACCIDENTS -- REPORT
- Reuters headline
[ So to be even safer we need to cause MORE
accidents? ]
CHARGES FILED IN FLA. ELECTROCUTION
- AP headline
[ Would I be right in guessing that they're
accused of battery? ]
"Most residents had only the clothes on their backs; one
woman could not even grab a diaper as she fled her
collapsing house. Her 1-year-old was naked from the waste
down."
L.A. VOTERS APPROVE URBAN RENEWAL BY LANDSLIDE
LESS FORMAL ORTHODOX CHURCH SOUGHT
- AP headline
[ Wouldn't that be an un-orthodox church? ]
URINE-BOTTLE BILL WHIZZES THROUGH OREGON HOUSE
- AP / Portland Mail-Tribune
SCHOOL SAYS BOY IN DRAG CAN'T BE QUEEN
- Reuters headline
[ I get the feeling that they may be too late
for that. ]
FEDS STEP UP LAUNDERING CRACKDOWN
- AP headline
[ No starch! We really mean it this time. ]
PATIENT AT DEATH'S DOOR -- DOCTORS PULL HIM THROUGH
BLIND WOMAN GETS NEW KIDNEY FROM DAD SHE HASN'T SEEN IN
YEARS
LINGERIE SHIPMENT HIJACKED -- THIEF GIVES POLICE THE SLIP
23 BUST OUT OF CROWDED WOMEN'S JAIL
[ Did they give police the slip, too? ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
MORE TRUE THAN THEY MEANT...
-------------------------
Whatever the cause, some mistakes seem to contain their own
hidden truths:
AMTRAK WILL BE ON OWN BY 20003
GAS COMPANY BEHIND BEAN SUPPER
- Lowell News-Press
GIRL KICKED BY HORSE UPGRADED TO STABLE
- Wellington, New Zealand
20-YEAR FRIENDSHIP ENDS AT ALTAR
HALF OF U.S. HIGH SCHOOLS REQUIRE SOME STUDY FOR GRADUATION
LAWYERS GIVE POOR FREE LEGAL ADVICE
[ I guess you get what you pay for... ]
NEWT GINGRICH NAMED HOOVER FELLOW
- AP headline
[ I guess it's official - He still sucks. ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
TAKE TWO...
--------
Sometimes your convinced that one reporter hears another in
the hallway. Whatever it is, there is a certain journalistic
deja vu to some articles:
THE PRINCE OF WAILS
- headline over a story about Prince
Charles in the Washington Post
Outlook section
THE PRINCE OF WAILS
- headline over a book review of
"Last Train to Memphis: The Rise of
Elvis Presley," in the Washington
Post's Book World section, same day
----------
NEW "CANDIDE" LOW-VOLTAGE VOLTAIRE
- USA Today
HIGH-VOLTAGE VOLTAIRE
- New York Times, same day
----------
SPANISH ENTREPRENEUR OFFERS SIESTAS
- AP headline
MEXICO DOES AWAY WITH SIESTA BREAK
- AP headline later the same day
----------
UGANDA FACING CONDOM SHORTAGE
- AP headline
UGANDANS ENJOYING THE GOOD LIFE
- AP headline later the same day
[ Maybe a little too much? ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
THE CONTINUING SEARCH FOR THE MEANING OF LIFE...
---------------------------------------------
MARCH PLANNED FOR NEXT AUGUST
[ But what's in March, November? ]
DEFENDANT'S SPEECH ENDS IN LONG SENTENCE
POLICE DISCOVER CRACK IN AUSTRALIA
SCOTTISH SCIENTISTS PLAN SEARCH FOR LAZINESS GENE
- Reuters headline
[ Someday. When they get around to it. ]
FLAMING TOILET SEAT CAUSES EVACUATION AT HIGH SCHOOL
[ Yup, that'd do it. ]
THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE DISCOVERED DRIVING TAXI
- Reuters headline
[ Ex-TV star steamed about being found out. ]
POLITICAL APATHY GROWING, POLL SHOWS
- UPI headline
[ Yeah, but who cares! ]
RADIOACTIVE TUMBLEWEEDS ON RISE
- AP headline
[ I think I saw that movie! ]
STIFF OPPOSITION EXPECTED TO CASKETLESS FUNERAL PLAN
MANY ANTIQUES SEEN AT D.A.R. MEETING
WEEKLY SEX MAY PREVENT COLDS AND FLU -- STUDY
- Reuters headline
[ Thank you, Dr. Ruth! ]
HERSHEY BARS PROTEST
COUNTY OFFICIALS TO TALK RUBBISH
[ Pretty typical for politicians. ]
POTATO, DANCING RAISINS CUT A DEAL
- AP headline
[ Maybe we can't have peace in the Middle
East, but at least we have this... ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
© 2000 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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