Welcome Back, Funnies Fans!
Well... Is everyone still here? I trust you all survived
the calendar change without any technical hitches or glitches.
We should have known better. What is it with this Frankenstein
Fixation society has these days? Despite any minor techno-
hangups, we are in much greater danger from members of our own
odd species than from our technology. All it takes is one
fanatic who becomes disappointed when the world hasn't ended
according to his own timetable and who tries to create a do-it-
yourself Apocalypse. With the opportunists, terrorists,
fundamentalists, survivalists, and pessimists out there, a little
techno-belch about dates was always the least of our worries.
Could it be that the whole thing was really a secret plot by the
Amish trying to regain the technological advantage. Whatever the
real story is, now there are lots of folks stuck with piles of
dried beans and bottled water. If that leaves you disappointed,
look at the bright side. Now will be a great time to get a
bargain on an emergency generator now from those panicked people
who bought one "just in case."
I got lots of mail after last week's admission that I'd have
to go with the flow and admit that everyone is going to call this
the "New Millennium." While I haven't completely given up the
fight, it seems pretty hopeless. There is a feeling out there
that things were different in the old days, and people were more
inclined to listen to authority on things like this. Maybe they
were, but I have here a retrospective of the 19th Century looking
back on the events of the 1800's published in the New York Times.
And when did it come out? December 31st, 1899!
I can't speak for what happened when we went from 999 to
1,000... People weren't writing newspapers back then. They even
used a different system of numbers, still stuck with Roman
numerals. But, knowing that humans haven't changed all that
much, I have to think that they must have seen the change from
CMXCIX to just M as pretty cool.
As usual, we always have our cool friends to Thank for their
support and contributions. The folks we've heard from this week
include: Fumiko Umino, Anna Macareno, Jack Gervais, Jerry Taff,
Lydia Cheong Chu-Ling, Nnamdi Elleh, Hiroe Sugiyama, Diana Lee,
Jan Michalski, Sachiko Sumida, Carol J. Becwar, Jim & Beth
Butler, Bruce Gonzo, Kerry Miller, Joshua Brink, Shawn Mullen,
Tim McChain, R. J. Tulley, Brian Siegl, Celil Guclu and Hunter
Elliott of The DailyWav. Here's hoping that your new year is off
to a good start and that you find some good bean recipes to use
up those Y2K dried foods.
Have A Great Week,
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THE YAWN OF A NEW MILLENNIUM...
----------------------------
Suppose they gave a millennium and no one came? It's not
only Seattle that ended up cancelling "Millennium" celebrations.
Other cities around the world also drastically scaled back their
plans, as high prices, high hype and millennium apathy kept
people at home in record numbers. Free and moderately priced
events did OK, including the yearly party in Times Square in New
York. But everywhere the big, expensive bashes have gone bust as
interest in the highly promoted - and highly priced - events was
minimal.
In Paris, many restaurants closed on New Year's Eve, partly
from threats of student violence and partly because of the bad
weather that has plagued France over the past few weeks. Even
Paris' largest McDonald's will close early for the weekend.
Another party that failed to come off was Northern Ireland's
millennium showpiece -- a 1,000 pounds ($1,600 USD) per person
party for 2,000 people in Belfast's King's Hall. Promoters only
sold 50 tickets. And Brits were pretty unhappy when about half
of those who had paid for tickets to the millennium dome party in
Greenwich never received them because of an office mistake.
The commercial hype and marketing frenzy surrounding his
simple calendar flip make for some strange times. And
sociologist Bronislaw Misztal predicts they will be the subject
of studies some day. "All of this is profoundly irrational,"
declared the Catholic University professor, whose specialty is
social movements and the political and moral effects of rapid
change.
Both in the U.S. and Britain, the Blockbuster video chain
said that its survey of consumers showed that almost half planned
to stay home on New Year's Eve and watch TV.
But one millennium event that was an unqualified success was
the biggest non-event ever planned.
British comedian Griff Rhys Jones sold charity tickets for
"the best concert that never ever happened" to raise funds to
save London's Hackney Empire theater.
Well in advance, former Beatle Paul McCartney and fellow pop
stars Van Morrison and Pink Floyd promised not to turn up for the
concert that was never supposed to take place.
"I am hoping the 'Not The Millennium Event' will become a
focus for the anti-millennium feeling that is undoubtedly out
there," said Rhys Jones. (AP/Reuters)
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BACK TO THE FUTURE..
------------------
The new decade has been born, now we just have to come up
with a name. It seems like every decade of the last century was
named, whether we're talking about the Depression in the
Thirties, the political craziness of the Sixties or the inflation
in the Seventies. Which leaves us with a little confusion about
what to call this upcoming "00" decade.
USA Today did a survey of over 6,000 readers recently hoping
to figure out what to call the next ten years. The outcome was a
little surprising. The most popular name for the "00's" is "The
Aughts." Which means that our new century will likely have the
same name as the first years of the old one. Aught is an Old
English word meaning zero. It's still in use in Britain but
isn't heard much in the U.S.
"It's a bit of a head-scratcher," says lexicographer Frank
Abate, chief editor of U.S. dictionaries for the Oxford English
Dictionary. "I wouldn't bet on 'The Aughts' catching on but
stranger things have happened. You just can't predict this
stuff."
"...this stuff?" Isn't it nice to hear a dictionary editor
with such a vast and prolix vocabulary? I'm surprised that he
didn't think the proposed name was totally rad.
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TIME ZONE...
---------
You must be asking by now if there was at least one place
that hasn't gotten into all the hype about the millennium, right?
We found it. The ideal place to avoid all of the Y2K frazzle was
Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.
And why was this an island of sanity in a 2000-crazed world?
Because it's 1992 there.
That's right... Because the country is almost the last in
the world to still use the old orthodox calendar as its official
time standard, the millennium is still some time in the future.
The orthodox calendar consists of twelve months of thirty days
each and one month of five days.
It's not that Ethiopia has nothing to worry about from Y2K
computer problems, it's just that they have another eight years
to solve them before they become a problem. (Reuters)
[ Why didn't we think of that? ]
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SOME THINGS DON'T CHANGE...
------------------------
One guy who believed all the Y2K hype was a 29-year-old
Italian from Florence named Andrea Scanarella. Andy was sure
that his bank would lose his money because of the millennium bug,
so he withdrew the cash to keep it safe.
Which it was - for about three minutes. That's about how
long it was from the time Scanarella left the bank until two men
on a scooter grabbed the small bag containing 11 million lire
($5,730 USD) and a cellular phone. (Reuters)
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HIGH HOLIDAYS?
-------------
British police made a peculiar pronouncement early this week
that they do not intend to prosecute marijuana smoking and other
minor drug offenses over New Year's holiday.
"Police will look at each case individually and a caution
will be an option to a prosecution," a police spokeswoman told
Reuters.
Though the move is partly to free more police officers for
security duties during millennium celebrations, it does signal a
change in attitudes in Britain.
Not that they are prepared to let major lawbreakers off the
hook. The spokeswoman said police would still crack down hard on
drug dealers. "Suppliers and dealers will be targeted in the
usual way," she said. (Reuters)
[ Maybe police are hoping that a significant
number of troublemakers won't notice it's New
Years until a few days later... ]
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WE'VE BEEN MOONED AGAIN...
-----------------------
We should all learn something about the Y2K hype and the net
from last month's other non-event, the now infamous "Millennium
Moon."
Rumors and Emails flew around the Net over the past few
weeks about how the full Moon of December 22 was going to appear,
according to the Email: "14% larger" and that the light
reflected from the Moon in this part of its orbit is "7%
stronger, making it brighter." Supposedly, it was the first time
in 133 years that this had happened.
That's more or less true as far as it goes, but it wasn't
anything like the whole story. Most people do not realize that
the full Moon is only about the same size as a U.S. Quarter (2.4
cm or 15/16") held about 9 feet (3 meters) away from your eye
(Try it!). So a 14% increase in size is almost an imperceptible
difference in diameter -- about 1/16" or 1.6 mm. Hard to see
even if you have something to measure it against. And the Moon
has been even closer to the Earth in the past, especially during
the full Moons of December 1893, January 1912, and January 1930.
"If you believe this Email chain letter about the amazing
brightness of the full Moon on December 22, next thing you'll be
sending $20 bills to some address in Burned Barn, Nebraska," said
Alan MacRobert of "Sky & Telescope magazine." MacRobert called
this "an example of the power of the Internet to spread rumors
and confusion."
Something to keep in mind when we start getting those
panicky Emails for the so-called "planetary alignment" coming up
in May of 2000. Probably from the same folks who sent you the
Nostradamus predictions about the world ending early last
September because of last summer's comet and solar eclipse.
[ The world did end then, didn't it? ]
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THIS THING JUST STARTED AND WE ALREADY HAVE THE BLUES
-----------------------------------------------------
Usually, we associate the blues with sadness and
introspection. But that's not what the Brand Futures group at
advertising agency Young & Rubicam forecasts.
According to them, we'll be seeing blue everywhere in the
new decade, as advertisers hop on board to project an "integrated
and rewarding experience."
Many hot products seem to be following this trend, from
Apple's new blue iMac computer to Pepsi-Cola's new, blue soda
cans and even American Expresses new "Blue Card" credit card.
"Though there is some debate over what color or colors
consumers will most associate with the year 2000 and beyond, our
research shows that the clear front-runner is blue," the market
researchers announced.
Of such predictions are marketing geniuses born.
No doubt, it will still be the same old blue jeans, blue
computers, blue cola cans, blue pills. No different from the red
or white ones that preceded them.
And that is progress?
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OUR KEY PEOPLE
--------------
Designated drivers are commonplace as we move into the new
millennium, whether we will be at the big public celebrations or
small private parties. But who do we trust with the keys?
The big beer company, Anheuser-Busch conducted a recent poll
to see who you in the driving public would hand the keys to when
you've had a bit too much.
When asked to select an "ideal" designated driver from a
list of celebrities, most people chose Academy Award-winner Tom
Hanks as their No. 1 choice among men with 43% saying he was the
ideal designated driver. ABC's news anchor Diane Sawyer won the
most votes among female celebrities. (CNN)
[ I tried to find out how many of these
people saw the movie "Bonfire of the
Vanities," in which Hanks played a wealthy
socialite who helps to cover up a hit and run
accident. Not many, judging by how much
money it lost. ]
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CIVILIZATION SAVED AT LAST!
--------------------------
We didn't need to fear anything from Y2K. It was never the
threat to civilization that people thought. Why? Because steps
had been taken at the highest level to be certain that
civilization would survive.
No, it's not a secret government program involving men in
black and secret military bases. And it isn't a secret program
funded by private grants to major universities, either. It was
MTV.
Yes operator, I said MTV. The cable music people. The
folks who brought us Kurt Cobain and Metallica. That MTV.
The cable company said that it had selected six human beings
to stay in a specially prepared "millennium bunker" deep under
the New York Times building in New York City. In the three
former tornado shelters, the "bunker-nauts" were to stay safe
until New Year's Day, no matter what apocalyptic events happen in
the world outside.
MTV officials said that it wants them there in the event of
any civilization ending events, so they could re-populate the
world and assure the cable company of a future audience. More to
the point, they have equipped the underground bunker with video
cameras so we can all look in and piped in MTV programming to
entertain the six residents. (AP)
[ There are two ways of looking at this...
If the worst had happened, the world would be
repopulated by folks who think that Michael
Jackson seems pretty normal. But maybe even
more scary is releasing six people who have
spent the last week doing nothing but
watching MTV. ]
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APOCALYPSE? YOU BET!
--------------------
It's easy for anyone to claim that the world will end in a
short time. These claims have been around for generations. But
when someone is willing to back up their claim with real money,
then maybe we have to pay some attention.
So we here at SUNFUN took note recently when the big British
bookmaker William Hill reported a rise in the number of people
betting that the world will end.
Apparently inspired by Y2K fears and the total eclipse in
England last summer, dozens of Armageddon bets are being received
every month.
[Last February] "One man placed one pound (1.6 dollar) on a
1,000,000:1 bet on the world ending on August 11, 1999, at 12.50
p.m., while we gave another odds of 6,666,666-1 that it would end
at 6:00 p.m. on the sixth day of the sixth month this year," said
William Hill company spokesman Graham Sharpe.
The company also reported that they are regularly asked to
quote odds on the end of the world.
Other odd bets they have accepted? William Hill is also
offering odds of: 100,000,000:1 on civilization being destroyed
by mass suicide and 500,000:1 on Armageddon by alien invasion.
Floods are 100,000:1, asteroids 50,000:1, famine 25,000:1 and war
1,000:1. (AFP)
[ One question. If the world does end, just
how are these folks going to collect their
winnings? ]
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© 2000 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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