Greetings, Great Thinkers,
Everyone has a little philosophy in them... How else would
we manage to get through the day? Not that most of us know what
we really want. It's probably better that way. The famous
philosophers write books that are extremely hard to understand,
except by other philosophers. The rest of us just make it up as
we go along. You've probably heard the old saying, "Enjoy life
-- this is not a dress rehearsal." But be careful, too. Your
sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
In the fallout of the recent political scandal here in the
U.S. there was more talk of ethics and philosophy than we've
heard in years. Everyone had an opinion of what was right and
what was wrong. Politicians discussing ethics? Now there's a
concept! Isn't that a little like a group of armed robbers
discussing what to do about violence in the media?
Hellos and Thank You's to our wise friends and worthy
contributors, this week including: Jerry Taff, Carol Becwar,
Yuhwa Eva Lu, Jack Gervais, Timothy McChain, Sylvia Libin He,
Stan Leung, Fumiko Umino, Laura Hong Li, Kerry Miller, Lydia
Cheong Chu-Ling, Caterina Sukup, Naomi Ogawa, Sue Yan, Dave
Draeger, John Wallner, The Peterson's, Dick Ginkowski, Akiko
Inagaki, Paul Roser, Peter Adler and Hiroe Sugiyama. Now, as
we grow older, it becomes more and more important to face each
day with the wonder of a child, as if we were seeing the world
for the first time. Of course, this gets easier as senility
sets in.
Have an Enlightened Week,
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THE PEACE PRIZE...
---------------
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and
visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene
and quiet it would be, until the looting started.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
THE FIRST LAW OF PHILOSOPHY
---------------------------
For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite
philosopher.
THE SECOND LAW OF PHILOSOPHY
----------------------------
They're both wrong.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
OF MICE AND MEN (AND WORMS)
---------------------------
The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second
mouse that gets the cheese.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
ON GETTING THE LAST WORD
------------------------
"God is Dead"
- Frederick Nietzsche (1885)
"Nietzsche is Dead"
- God (1900)
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PHILOSOPHY 101...
--------------
"To be is to do." - Descartes
"To do is to be." - Plato
"Do be do be do." - Sinatra
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"The gods too are fond of a joke."
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
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THE ETHICS TEST....
---------------
It is time to elect a world leader, and your vote counts.
Here are the three candidates:
Candidate A: A wealthy career politician, he associates with
political hacks and consults with astrologers.
He's had two mistresses that we know of.
Already physically weak, he chain smokes and
drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B: Has already been kicked out of office twice. He
is overweight, smokes heavily, sleeps until
noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart
of brandy every evening. In addition, he
suffers from untreated clinical depression.
Candidate C: Is a war hero decorated for bravery. He's a
semi-vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks only an
occasional beer and is single, but has a long-
term relationship with his fiance.
Which of these candidates is your choice?
The results later in this week's Funnies...
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People are more violently opposed to fur than to
leather because it's much safer to harass rich women
than motorcycle gangs.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
THE PHILOSOPHERS SPEAK...
----------------------
The problem with so many great thinkers is that their
thoughts are so far from everyday experience that it's hard to
figure out just what they mean. Maybe the answer is to take a
cross-section of people and ask them all the same question.
Something simple, like: Why did the chicken cross the road?
----------
BUDDHA: In asking this question, you deny your own
chicken-nature.
STEVEN KING: Something horrible was chasing it.
MADONNA: Sex.
MAHATMA GANDHI: It was a non-violent protest.
MARTIN LUTHER KING: It had a dream.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
CARL VON CLAUSEWITZ: Even a chicken must do something bold to
defeat its enemies.
JOHANN VON GOETHE: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
BILL CLINTON: I did not, and I repeat, I did not have sexual
relations with THAT chicken.
DARTH VADER: It could not resist the power of the Dark Side.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the
road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of
reference.
DAN QUAYLE: I don't know...
SIGMUND FREUD: The fact that you are at all worried about the
chicken crossing the road reveals your underlying
sexual insecurity.
OLIVER NORTH: National security was at stake.
CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been
naturally selected in such a way that they are now
genetically disposed to cross roads.
CLINT EASTWOOD: It felt lucky.
JULIUS CAESAR: To come, to see, to conquer.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road?
Did she cross it with a toad?
Did she carry any load?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why she crossed it, no one told!
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road; it
transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
K'UNG FU-TZU (Confucius): Crossing the road increased the
chicken's harmony with the universe.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken
crossed the road, and there was rejoicing.
KARL MARX: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
SIR ISAAC NEWTON: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest.
Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
AGATHA CHRISTIE: Oh, that is a mystery!
GEN. GEORGE PATTON: Because the chicken had the guts to do it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone
before.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
NIKE: Just do it!
WERNER HEISENBERG: By observing the chicken, we changed the
nature of the chicken-road system. So we can never be
certain which side of the road the chicken was on.
RUSH LIMBAUGH: To get to the RIGHT side of the road.
RAYMOND CHANDLER: It was a dark night. Darker than most. And
as lonely as a spinster on Saturday night. A night
that had the power to hide a thousand crimes. Nobody
witnessed the chicken crossing the road, and the
chicken wasn't talking. But that's how the game is
played.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
"Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how
you take it."
- Irving Berlin
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THE ETHICS TEST RESULTS...
-----------------------
Candidate A: Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B: Winston Churchill
Candidate C: Adolph Hitler
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WISDOM FOR AN AGE OF WISE GUYS...
------------------------------
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you
tried.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- Life's briefest moment is the time between reading the sign
on the freeway and realizing you just missed your exit.
- No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is
winning.
- You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
- A clear conscience is usually a sign of a poor memory.
- After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said
than done.
- Always remember that one effective way to deal with things
that want to eat you is to taste terrible.
- The light at the end of the tunnel is usually a sign that
says "No Exit."
- If you must choose between two evils, choose the one you've
never tried before.
- Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.
- Change is inevitable... Except from vending machines.
- Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
- If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of
payments.
- Everybody repeat after me... We are all individuals.
- Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
- Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.
- Half the people you know are below average.
- If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not the
sport for you.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
I'D WALK A MILE FOR A PHILOSOPHER...
---------------------------------
Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his
shoes. Then it's pretty safe, since you're a mile away
AND you have his shoes.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
"In the end, everything is a gag."
- Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)
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© 1999 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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