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 [ BACK]  [NEXT]                       Issue #024 - 01/26/1997

The Big Cheesy!

Cheeseheads Win in New Orleans!

Hello Again, All!
     Well, by this time, we know if the Packers have won the
Super Bowl.  Those of you who have known me for some time know
that I'm not much of a sports fan.  Even a dozen years working
right next to the sports department at Channel 12 hardly taught
me a thing about the game.  And at our house, the TV is on for
all of the Packers games, but I'm not often watching it.  It's
Carol and the kids who do most of the cheering here.  So I hope
you don't think I being a fair weather fan to turn over this
edition of SUNFUN to Packers stuff.  I try not to get caught up
in the hype of what has most often been so boring that it is
usually the Stupor Bowl, but it is something special when the
Pack is playing so well.  It might be a once in a generation
event.
     The Packers' fans are legendary in their support of the
team, even here in the Midwest, where long-term support of even
losing teams is a tradition.  Just ask our friends to the south
in Chicago, where the Cubs won their last world series about the
same time that the President of the US started riding to his
inauguration in a car, instead of by horse.  The fans from other
teams just can't believe how crazy the Green Bay fans are.  For
some of the away games, the fans go to Lambeau Field (the Packers
home field) and watch the game on TV.  Even when it's -10F and
snowing.  Remember, it's an away game - there is just the empty
field!  Of course, there isn't that much to do in Green Bay.
     Those of you from outside of this area might think that it's
strange that a city of only 96,000 people can have a national
team with a 60,000 seat stadium.  Now what's even stranger is
that the stadium is filled completely for almost every home game. 
For the game against Dallas earlier this month, there were only 5
unused tickets!
     This week, special thanks to Helen Yee, Peter Adler, Kerry
Miller, Junji Taniguchi, Dick Ginkowski, Dale Frederickson,
Caterina Sukup & Bob Martens.  Thanks always for the
contributions that keep me going when the writers block hits! 
Now, break out the beer, the green chips and the cheese heads
and...

     Go Pack!

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First, a contribution from our friend, Helen Yee:


  Packer joke to pass along:


     What's the difference between a Packer fan and a jackass?

          ----

     The Illinois border.  


  [I guess that one COULD work either way, Illinois folks...]

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Another joke from Helen (and one that won't upset the Illinois
folks quite so much)...

     A Packer fan at the SuperBowl has the worst seat in the
stadium, way far up nose-bleed seats. During the first half, he
used his binoculars to see if there would be any vacant seat
closer to the field.
     He spotted one empty seat right on the 50-yard line. By the
2nd quarter, he wandered over and ask the Packer fan seated next
to the empty chair if it would be alright to sit next to him.
     The Packer fan said, "Sure. No problem. That was my wife's
seat, and she couldn't make it."
     "These are great seats. Couldn't another family member used
the ticket?" the man asked.
     The Packer fan replied, "Nope. They are at her funeral."    

          :) Yee Packer

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The Few, The Patient...

     Want to get a season ticket for the Packers?  You'll have to
get on the waiting list.  Strange as it might sound for a town of
less than 100,000 people, the line is a very long one.  Green Bay
Packers fan Tim Thompson is 14,253rd on the team's season ticket
waiting list, but he's patient.

     "God's on the list, but he's only around 12,000th. There's
no jumping the line here. This is Green Bay."

     At the current rate of about 35 new season ticket holders
each year, Tim should get his tickets just in time for the 2404
season.

     Steve Gay, another patient Packers fan sums it up.

     "The Packers are like your children. You don't love them
because they're good. You love them because they're yours."

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The bets are on...

     It's traditional at mega-sports events for the governors of
the states supplying the competing teams to wager on the outcome
with some locally famous product.  Super Bowl XXXI will be no
exception.  Gov. William Weld of Massachusetts (home of the New
England Patriots) is betting 31 Boston cream pies and 31 roast
turkeys that the Pats will beat the Green Bay Packers.  Wisconsin
Gov. Tommy Thompson's bet: 31 wheels of cheese and 31 pounds of
bratwurst.

     [ Cholesterol is one thing we seem to share! ] 

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A little too sure...

     The Kansas City Chiefs appear often in the NFL playoffs. So
often that it seemed safe for a local pizza shop to mail 20,000
coupons offering free pies as a promotion if the Chiefs failed to
qualify this season.  But fail they did.  At least 30 people have
claimed their freebies so far.  The shop owners are hoping the
coupons expire before the remaining 19,970 recipients show up. 

     [ The worst part for them is, Wisconsin makes most of the
     pizza cheese in the US. ]

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One Dedicated Fan - 

     There's a guy in Appleton, Wisconsin who may hold claim to
being the world's most dedicated fan.  In fact, he's only missed
6 Packer's home games since he started going - in 1927.  Mel
Knoke, a retired lumber company executive in his mid 80's, has
even starred in a commercial for the NFL that will air during the
Super Bowl.  But he has to admit that the NFL's 'Feel the Power'
slogan sounds silly to him.  

     "What does it mean? Well, don't ask me. Ask anybody else."

     And his stardom has been strange in other ways. 

     "At church, everywhere I go -- the Rotary -- everywhere --
they address me as the 'Feel-the-Power-Guy.' Almost everywhere I
go, instead of saying, 'Hello, Mel,' people say 'I feel the
power!' It's kind of ridiculous.

     "The Christmas cards we got this year," he said. "Instead of
saying 'Merry Christmas,' they say 'I Feel the Power!' "

     Though failing eyesight a broken hip have made it hard for
Mel and his wife to get around, you can be sure that they'll be
there in New Orleans for the Super Bowl this Sunday.  Brian
McCarthy, a spokesman for NFL Properties, said the Feel the Power
spot staring Mel Knoke is definitely going to air during the
game. Likely audience: about 800 million people around the globe. 
Not bad for a guy who started by buying a season ticket to watch
the team on a muddy lot behind the high school in 1927.

     "Eight hundred million!" Knoke said upon hearing the news.
"Boy, oh boy oh boy. That's a hell of a lot of people."

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You May Think That Packer Fans Are Really Crazy - But here's what
a guy did to get tickets to the Super Bowl LAST YEAR, when the
Pack wasn't even playing... 

     Fred Flores of Gilbert, Ariz., wanted to go to the
Super Bowl in the worst way. Bad enough to do something crazy.
     Local radio station KGME (1360 AM) sponsored Dumb Human
Tricks for Super Bowl tickets and received only four entrants.
Flores covered himself in peanut butter and placed chicken
feathers and wore giant chicken feet. But to add the finishing
touch, Flores jumped head first into a truck with 2,000 pounds of
cow manure. . . twice.

     "I didn't want to tell him, but he could have won without
the manure," said judge and radio personality Tim Liotta.  "The
peanut butter and the feathers were pretty good."

     Flores didn't mind at all.

     "It was worth it all the way," Flores said. "I'll do it
again.  It was beautiful."


   [ Ah, The sights, sounds ... and smells of the Super Bowl ] 

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The Frozen Tundra: A Packer Fan Story -

     "We all remember the Monday Night Game against Washington in
the 1980's. My friend Ken and I were lucky enough to get tickets
for the game. He picked me up and we headed for Lambeau field.
Just north of the truck scale in the northbound lane of Highway
41 our car conked out. We tried everything to get it going with
no luck. We were outside kicking the tires and lo and behold
someone Ken knows stops behind us and  offered us a ride. We
though that this was great. When we got to the field I ran to the
service station across from the field to use the phone to call
the police about the stranded car. They told us that as long as
it was off the road and we arranged for towing that we would be
all right.  They seemed to be most concerned about whether we
made it to the game. I told them that we were lucky and someone
picked us up.  They advised us that if we needed they would have
run a squad out to pick us up! They wouldn't want us to miss the
game! Now I'll bet you $100 that you won't get that treatment in
San Francisco or Dallas."

     --Bob Gebheim

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What do you call 53 guys watching the Super Bowl?

    The Dallas Cowboys!

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OK, for those of you who have been very patient with all of the
sports coverage here on SUNFUN - on to the other event of the
week... 

-------------------------

What's the difference between OJ and Bill Clinton?

    At least OJ admitted that he cheated on his wife!

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Heaven's Clocks

     A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. 
Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says "I'm
not very busy today, why don't you let me show you around?" 

     The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts
the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course,
the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria
and finally, they come to a HUGE room full of clocks. 

     The guy asks, "What's up with these clocks?"

     St. Peter explains, "Everyone on earth has a clock that
shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out
of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged." 

     The guy thinks this makes sense, but notices that some of
the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why is that? 

     St. Peter explains, "Every time a living person tells a lie,
it speeds his clock."

     This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around
the room before leaving and notices one clock in the center of
the ceiling. On this clock, both hands are spinning at an
unbelievable rate.

     So he asks, "What's the story with that clock?"

     "Oh, that," St. Peter replies, "That's OJ Simpson's clock.
We decided to use it as a fan."

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© 1997 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.