Hello again, all!
One of the joys of doing this as a regular column is hearing
from all of you folks, and getting all those great jokes and
novelties. Thanks for all of the neat items everybody! I save
them up here at SUNFUN Central, and when a file gets enough
goodies in it, out it goes. I am currently working on a couple
of collections, including a 'Words' and a 'Driving' compilation.
I also have a 'Sex' file building up, but I am a little worried
about releasing that one. It's just that some of that stuff is
SO funny - a little into the 'PG'-Rated pile, though.
Last week's Sunday Funnies on stupid crooks brought a
response from my old friend, Dick Ginkowski: "You forgot the time
when I was a cop that some idiot tried to rob a bank with six
police recruits in the line behind him." I have to admit that I
had forgotten about that one, but I did remember about the time
that Dick stopped a particularly silly driver and arrested him
starting with the words, "You have the right to remain stupid..."
And the time that a defendant who was fighting being put in an
insane asylum did very well defending himself in court until he
jumped up on the table pretending to be a dog and started
_barking_ at the judge. Thanks for the reminder, Dick!
Thanks also go out this week to Kerry Miller, Paul Roser and
Bob Martens. Now I've gone on long enough... Time for the funny
stuff! Oh, yes, I usually do stop here to tell you what the
topic of the week is about, don't I... This week, Sunday Funnies
looks at math and science.
Have a great week!
DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION ---
Students never fail exams in one part of the State of Nevada -
the local School Board in Clark County decided that the
traditional grading systems were too hard on the students, so
they developed a new system that avoids all references to grades.
It also avoids all references to common sense. Those students
scoring top marks are described as "extending", those not quite
so successful are "developing". And those who can't make even a
D- are "emerging".
[Sounds like the School Board is 'Emerging - ' ]
-SOCIOLOGY DEPARTMENT (Math division)---
After applying some simple algebra to some common phrases and
cliches, we can reach a new understanding of the secrets to
wealth and success. Try this...
- Knowledge is Power
- Time is Money,
and, as every engineer knows:
- Power is Work over Time.
So, substituting algebraic equations for these bits of
wisdom, we get:
K = P (1)
T = M (2)
P = W/T (3)
Now, do a few simple substitutions:
Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:
K = W/T (4)
Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:
K = W/M (5).
Now we've got something. Expanding back into English, we
Knowledge equals Work over Money.
What this MEANS is that:
1. The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and
2. The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.
Solving for Money, we get:
M = W/K (6) : Money equals Work Over Knowledge.
From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as
Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.
What THIS MEANS is that:
The More you Make, the Less you Know.
Solving for Work, we get:
W = M K (7) : Work equals Money times Knowledge
From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge
What THIS MEANS is:
The stupid rich do little or no work.
Working out the possible implications of this breakthrough is
left as an exercise for the reader.
A DIFFERENCE IN APPROACH ---
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician all attend a
convention at some hotel. A fire breaks out while everyone is
asleep. The engineer wakes up, smells the smoke, gets up, runs
to the closet and using some tape and the little rolls from a few
hangers, makes a hose which he attaches to the faucet and sprays
the room with water. All of the engineer's possessions are wet,
but at least he is safe.
The physicist wakes up, smells the smoke, quickly pulls out
pencil and paper, writes a few equations down, then rushes into
the bathroom to fill a cup of water. He then throws the cup of
water at the exact spot in the room to put out all the flames.
He is safe, too.
The mathematician wakes up, smells the smoke, thinks for a
minute, then rushes into the bathroom. He fills a cup of water,
lights a match, and drops the match into the cup. Seeing that
flame was extinguished, the mathematician proclaims, "Ah! A
solution exists." Then he goes back to sleep.
DEPARTMENT OF CHEMISTRY ---
Willie was a Chemist,
But Willie is no more,
What Willie thought was H20
BIOLOGY DEPARTMENT ---
British researchers have developed an artificial foot for use in
testing shoes. Not just any foot: this one sweats. "How people
perspire varies tremendously with factors such as their level of
fitness," said Peter Laight, who led the development team. The
artificial sweat can be measured in four different spots to help
develop better shoes. (Reuter)
[Test the new gym shoes? No sweat!]
THE ENGINEER AND THE PROGRAMMER -
A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on an
airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if
he wants to play a fun game. The Engineer says he just wants to
The Programmer persists and says that it's a really easy game. He
explains, "I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer
you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question and if I don't know the
answer I'll pay you $5."
Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't
know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I
pay you $50!" That gets the Engineer's attention, and he agrees
to the game.
The Programmer asks the first question, "What's the distance from
the Earth to the Moon?" Then the Engineer doesn't say a word and
just hands the Programmer $5.
Now, it's the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer, "What goes
up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The programmer
looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer,
looks through all his references and after an hour wakes the
Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes
the $50, turns away and tries to return to sleep.
The Programmer, a little upset, asks, "Well, what's the answer
to the question?" Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his
wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to
© 1996 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.