Hello, folks:
A little different format again this week for Sunday Funnies
- a kind of 'variations on a theme' joke. I wanted to see just
how far we could take one idea. Not all of the jokes will be for
all of you (how many Kafka fans are there, anyway?), but this
sounded like a fun thing to try. I hope you agree! Besides, it
was a busy week here at the Becwar house and the other ideas I
had for this week kind of fizzled out(!). So, this is what we're
stuck with. Now, without further delay - Let there be light
bulbs...
Have a good week,
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Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to
relate to the experience.
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Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 50. 50? Yeah, 50! It's in the contract.
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Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has to really WANT to change.
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Q: How many software engineers does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
A: Can't be done; that's a hardware problem.
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Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a
feature.
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Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to replace a dead light
bulb?
A: 2. One to hold the bulb and one to knock it in with a
hammer.
-----
Q2: How long will it take?
A2: Hard to say... It depends on how many dead bulbs
they've brought with them.
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Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T
on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own
revolution.
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Q: How many Politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild
civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Q: How many Italian governments does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: Nobody knows. Italian governments don't last as long as
light bulbs.
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Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by
itself.
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Q: How many database programmers does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: Three:
- One to write the light bulb removal program,
- One to write the light bulb insertion program, and
- One to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure
nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same
time.
----------------------------------------
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it.
A2: None. Zen masters carry their own enlightenment.
----------------------------------------
Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about
how good the old light bulb was.
----------------------------------------
Q: How many surrealist painters does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the
bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
----------------------------------------
Q: How many [IBM] Technical Writers does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: 100. Ten to do the actual replacement, and 90 to write
document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent
Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state
only, ``This page intentionally left blank,'' and 20% of the
definitions are of the form ``A <...> consists of sequences
of non-blank characters separated by blanks.''
----------------------------------------
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's what graduate students are for.
----------------------------------------
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
----------------------------------------
Q: How many football players does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: The entire team. And they all get a semester's credit for
it.
A2: Fifteen. One to hold the bulb, the other fourteen to rotate
the ladder.
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Q: How many Franz Kafka's does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
A: None. There never was any light bulb.
----------------------------------------
Q: How many Harvard grads does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
A: Just one. He holds the bulb and waits for the world to
revolve around him.
----------------------------------------
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assure the press that everything possible is
being done while the other screws the bulb into the water
faucet.
A2: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
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Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday. What kind
of answer did you have in mind?
----------------------------------------
Q: How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light
bulb?
A: None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
----------------------------------------
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to
give it a surprising twist at the end.
----------------------------------------
Q: How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You cannot change a light bulb. By its nature it will go out
again.
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Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.
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Q: How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: To get to the other side.
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Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle...
and one to change the bulb.
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Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "It's out?? Sell my G.E. stock NOW!"
----------------------------------------
Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Depends on what you want to change it into.
----------------------------------------
Q: How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: ``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light
bulb?
A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
----------------------------------------
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
A: In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician
can change one light bulb.
If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more
simply watches he/she do it, then k+1 mathematicians will
have changed the light bulb.
Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers,
n mathematicians can change a light bulb.
Bibliography:
[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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© 1996 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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