Hello Friends!
I've mentioned in the past how sometimes events in everyday
life inspire what goes into Funnies... Over the last week or
two, I've been impressed over and over just how idiotic people
can be.
Case in point - we had very heavy rains over the past 24
hours (as I'm writing this), and there are literally hundreds of
cases of people driving into deep water, even when they could
only see the very top of the roof of other cars in the water
ahead of them. Even when the road signs were only half visible.
In some cases, they even moved road barricades set up by the
police to drive down a road that was under a couple of yards (or
meters) of muddy water. Of course, earlier in the week, I'd had
TWO separate run-ins with the counter help at McDonald's. Is it
just me, or does it really seem that alot of McD's counter help
is from the shallow, weedy end of the gene pool?
It's enough to make me think that maybe the real genius of
the human race is being able to re-invent stupidity in ever newer
and more inventive ways. They ought to give awards for that, in
fact. Someone once said that when you make something idiot
proof, human nature will supply better idiots.
Anyway, Thanks go out this week to a number of clever
people: Howard Lesniak, Peter Adler, Ellen Peterson, Libin He,
and Beth Butler. Those were some of the smart folks, now some of
Sunday Funnies Aca-Dummy Award Nominees...
Have a great week!
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
JUST A PEDESTRIAN ON THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY...
-------------------------------------------------
One computer store clerk sold one of those "Everything
you need to get up on the Internet" packages to a customer,
and was surprised when the customer came back the next day.
Holding up the phone wire connection and modem, the customer
asked, "Where do I put this?"
"Into your computer," said the clerk.
"What? I need a computer?!," the customer asked.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
SHOW ME THE MONEY!
-----------------
A cab driver from Copenhagen, Denmark by the name of
Jorgen Gilberg picked up what he thought was a wonderful
fare. His elderly customer asked to be taken to Vatican
City in Rome, Italy - a 1,300 mile (2,100 km) trip.
But it was only at the end of the ride that the cab
driver asked about how the elderly man was going to pay him
for the $3,750 fare on the taxi meter.
"I could hardly contain myself when he said the Pope
owed him money," said Gilberg.
The man said the pope owed him over $7,000 but later
admitted that "the voices in his head might have mislead
him." The cab driver had to be satisfied with a short tour
of the Vatican before driving the man back to Denmark.
(Detroit News, The Arizona Republic)
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT DOPE?
----------------------------------
Rosie Lee Hill of Pensacola, Florida called police to
complain that she had been cheated. She claimed that a drug
dealer had sold her fake crack cocaine for $50, but that it
tasted like baking soda. She wanted the police to test the
drugs for her.
It was, in fact, real cocaine and Hill was arrested for
possession.
"I guess stranger things have happened, but I have not
seen them," said Jerry Potts, assistant police chief
(Reuters, AP).
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
THERE WILL BE A SHORT DELAY...
---------------------------
On June 9, a robber in Fort Lauderdale, Florida told a
bank teller he had a bomb and he wanted money. The teller
said he had to wait. He did, for 20 minutes. By the time he
got the money and walked out of the bank half the police
department and several TV camera crews were calmly waiting
for him at the front door. He was arrested without a
struggle.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
LIGHTS, CAMERA, HANDCUFFS!
-------------------------
Nearly four thousand criminals wanted by authorities in
the Boston area received invitations to be extras for the
filming of a movie. Over fifty star-struck fugitives were
arrested when they showed up for the filming, never
suspecting that the 'movie' was a production of the Boston
Police Department.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
EVER GET A TASTE FOR SOMETHING?
------------------------------
A man took two hostages in Edinburg, Texas during a
bank robbery and during negotiations with police demanded
... a shrimp cocktail with saltine crackers and a bottle of
water. He surrendered as soon as he finished the food (UPI).
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
A LIKELY STORY...
--------------
In Sao Paulo, Brazil, Carlos Gomes had the brilliant
idea to open a bank safe by filling it with gas and lighting
it. He got just a little more than he bargained for. The
explosion was so powerful that it blew the roof off the
building, sending Gomes flying through the air. Police
officers arrested the injured Gomes as he was trying to get
away. When questioned about the incident, Gomes said, "...
the explosion took place while [I] was frying a steak in the
kitchen." (Reuters)
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
SAFE! WHAT SAFE?
----------------
Police arrested two burglars in Sioux Falls, South
Dakota after spotting a large safe sticking out of the trunk
of their Honda Prelude getaway car (Reuter).
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
GEORGIA ON MY MIND...
------------------
The German paper, "Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung"
reported that there was a large amount of cheering from the
crowd in Atlanta during the opening ceremonies of the
Olympics last year when the team from Georgia was
introduced. That's Georgia, the former Soviet Republic.
Apparently, many people in the Atlanta crowd thought the US
state of Georgia had a team of its own.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
AND BE SURE TO LET US KNOW IF YOU DIE, TOO...
------------------------------------------
From an internal memo sent by the mail room at one company:
"... notify the Mail Center via email if you have moved,
changed your name, or ceased working here."
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
SEA! SPELLING IS REELY INPORTENT...
--------------------------------
A gang of marijuana smugglers in El Paso came up with a
fool-proof way to get past US Customs. They copied the name
and design of a well-know gas trucking company. They even
rigged the propane gas truck with hidden pipes so that a
convincing amount of propane would come out if any of the
valves were opened. And they weighted the truck with just
enough marijuana to make the truck seem to be loaded.
The whole scheme might have worked - if they had
spelled the name of the gas company right on the side of the
truck. (Deseret News).
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
LEAVING YOUR FINGERPRINTS AT THE SCENE
--------------------------------------
A really competent robber in Chicago was trying to
impress his victims with how serious he was. In holding up
the Pekin Cleaners, he was armed with a sawed-off, 12 gauge
shotgun, and he even opened the gun to show that it was
loaded.
Unfortunately, on closing the gun, it went off, causing
the thief to lose part of his little finger. Not seeming to
notice - or maybe in shock - the gunman grabbed a small TV
set and $10 before running off.
Police said that they were able to get a good
fingerprint from the detached digit (Los Angeles Times).
[ Police fingered the thief soon after. ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
AND CALL ME IF YOU DON'T GET THIS MESSAGE...
-----------------------------------------
At a well-known company, the mainframe computer had to
be serviced one morning and people were advised not to log
on until told otherwise.
Around 2 p.m., the systems administrator was surprised
to see that people were just sitting around the office not
working. When he asked what was going on, one of the
secretaries told him that the office workers were waiting to
be told that it was OK to log back on to the computer
system.
"But I sent everyone an E-mail saying it was okay to
log on!," He replied.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
IT REALLY, REALLY WORKS!
-----------------------
A 21 year old genius named R.C. Gaitlin walked up to
two Detroit patrol officers who were demonstrating their
squad car computer equipment to neighborhood children. When
he asked how the system worked, the officers asked him for a
piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's
license, they entered it into the computer, and moments
later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the
screen showed that Gaitlin was wanted for armed robbery in
St. Louis, Missouri. (Deseret News)
[ Warning - he should almost be out by now... ]
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
A RUNAWAY RUNWAY?
----------------
A Continental Airlines pilot mistakenly landed a Boeing
737 plane on the wrong runway near Corpus Christi, Texas.
The jet landed on a runway which has been closed since 1958
and is more than 4 miles away from the runway the pilot was
supposed to use at Corpus Christi International Airport. The
landing strip the pilot used is about 3,000 feet (1,000
meters) shorter than those used in modern airports.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
HAVING A REALLY HOT TIME DEPARTMENT...
-----------------------------------
Two true geniuses tried to steal valuable copper wire
from the electric company in Almaty, Kazakhstan in the
former Soviet Union. They might have been more successful
if the wire they were trying to steal wasn't already part of
the electric power grid and wasn't carrying 10,000 volts at
the time.
Neither of the thieves had to be arrested, at any rate.
--:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)-----:-)--
© 1997 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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