On the Job

Getting the Interview...

Hello again, all!
     It has been a really busy couple of weeks here, as it has
for all of you, to judge from the Email.  Christmas is rushing up
on us very quickly, and it never quite seems like we're
completely ready.  Well, maybe this week...
     We've all (well, almost all) been to job interviews at some
time in our lives.  It is never that much fun, and you usually
leave second-guessing about what you should have said or
shouldn't have said.  Recently, a business magazine questioned
executives of some major American corporations about what happens
during job interviews, and got some really surprising results. 
But I'm sure that no one here has ever volunteered to have the
company logo tattooed on themselves to get a job, right?  Well,
hope not, anyway.
     Special thanks go out this week to: Caterina Sukup, Bob
Martens, Kerry Miller, Dale Frederickson, Carol Becwar & Hong Li
for your contributions.  As always, I appreciate the material
help, and these things appear in later editions.  Now, on with
the show!
     Have a great week and good holiday cheer...


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MOST UNUSUAL EXPERIENCES DURING THE INTERVIEW -
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  *  A job applicant challenged the interviewer to arm wrestle.

  *  The interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could
     listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.

  *  One candidate fell and broke arm during interview.

  *  Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to
     eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's
     office.

  *  A candidate explained that her long-term goal was to replace
     the interviewer.

  *  One candidate said he never finished high school because he
     was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

  *  A balding candidate excused himself and returned to the
     office a few minutes later wearing a hairpiece.

  *  An Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his
     loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his
     forearm.

  *  Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for
     advice on how to answer each interview question.

  *  A candidate brought large dog to interview.

  *  One applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being
     interviewed standing up.

  *  Candidate fell asleep during interview.


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SOMETIMES THE JOB CANDIDATES ASKED REALLY UNUSUAL QUESTIONS -
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  *  "What is it that you people do at this company?"

  *  "What is the company motto?"

  *  "Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"

  *  "What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

  *  "Why do you want references?"

  *  "Do I have to dress for the next interview?"

  *  "Will the company move my rock collection from California to
     Maryland?"

  *  "I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"

  *  "Does your health insurance cover pets?"

  *  "Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"

  *  "Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"

  *  "Does your company have a policy regarding concealed
     weapons?"

  *  "Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"

  *  "Why am I here?"


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AND SOMETIMES THE JOB SEEKERS JUST VOLUNTEER INFORMATION:
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  *  "At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or
     shocking."

  *  "I feel uneasy indoors."

  *  "Sometimes I feel like smashing things."

  *  "Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars."

  *  "I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington."

  *  "I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel
     movement."

  *  "I get excited very easily."

  *  "Once a week, I usually feel hot all over."

  *  "I am fascinated by fire."

  *  "I like tall women."

  *  "Whenever a man is with a woman he is usually thinking about
     sex."

  *  "People are always watching me."

  *  "If I get too much change in a store, I always give it
     back."

  *  "Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct."

  *  "I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker."

  *  "I never get hungry."

  *  "I know who is responsible for most of my troubles."

  *  "If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival."

  *  "I would have been more successful if nobody would have
     snitched on me."

  *  "My legs are really hairy."

  *  "I think I'm going to throw-up."


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THINGS NOT TO PUT IN A RESUME COVER LETTER -
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  1. "I'm really keen to work for you - I hear the drugs are good
     here."

  2. "I regret that I have no references.  Unfortunately every
     company I have worked for has since closed down."

  3. "I'll kill myself if I don't get a job."

  4. "I know where you live."

  5. Any sentence beginning with "I was recently acquitted."

  6. "I'm really tall, so I think I'd be well suited to this
     job."

  7. Happy faces.

  8. "By the way, I understand that you have unmarried
     daughters."

  9. "My turn-ons include..."

 10. "I'm confident that I'll get this job.  God told me."

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