Navigation & Music Control
 [ BACK]  [NEXT]                       Issue #298 - 04/28/2002

RE-TRAINED

STEAL WHEELS ON STEEL RAILS AND OTHER STORIES

On Board Amtrak Train 8 Near Minot, North Dakota...


Howdy Fellow Passengers,
     Most of you are pretty well aware that I like trains,
especially if you've seen the previous SUNFUNs on the subject
(BASIC TRAINING!  11/09/97, BACK IN TRAINING!   04/30/2000).
     I guess you could say that I have it bad...  Railfanitis,
that is - known to the medical community as "ferroequinology
complex."  Inevitable, I suppose, considering that I grew up
within easy site of two railroads.  It is incurable, of course. 
Fortunately it's rarely terminal, except in destination cities
like Chicago.
     It starts simply enough...  You get strangely curious about
the different colors of certain diesels and rail cars and it
starts you on that long downward spiral.  Suddenly, anything that
runs on steel rails is like catnip to you.  Then you find that
the garden variety SD-40 or P42 is no longer enough, and you find
yourself on some dark street at 6AM, chugging Alcos with a turbo-
lag-smoke chaser or driving miles to some obscure rail yard that
has a working Baldwin switcher.
     There were those who thought that this disease had been
ultimately cured some years back, particularly the strain known
as steamfoamerism, which was nearly wiped out.  And doctors
thought that streetcaritis was eliminated at nearly the same
time, but it had since reappeared in a large number of far more
virulent outbreaks as lightrail syndrome.  Sufferers can rarely
contain themselves for long, particularly when faced with waiting
for a train at a crossing.  In severe cases, they do not even
wait for the red lights to flash, but stop at the first hint of a
headlight on the horizon.  Yup, it's incurable alright.  And boy
do I know it!
     Thanks this week to those who tolerate our foibles,
especially:  Carol J. Becwar, Stanley, Rosana, Jessica & Michael
Leung, Josie Tong, Jerry Taff, Jan Michalski, Tim McChain,
Charlesa Beckman, R.J. Tully, Kerry Miller, Brian Siegl, Jack
Gervais, Larry Sakar and Mark Becwar.  Even if you can't tell a
ten-wheeler from a trolley, you'll get a kick out of this week's
fun on the train.  Just as on the mainline, we're a little behind
schedule, so let's high ball.
     Have An "On Track" Week,

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     "Your face could stop a train."
                            - This eye-catching - and mildly
                              insulting - advertisement slogan
                              appeared on Amtrak billboards in
                              California, in promoting the then-
                              new Pacific Surfliner service.  The
                              contest winner received $5000
                              toward a facelift.

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DEPARTMENT OF LIKELY STORIES...
----------------------------
     A man had to attend a large convention in Chicago.  On this
particular trip he decided to bring along his wife.  When they
arrived at their hotel room, the man said, "You rest here while I
go register.  I'll be back within an hour."
     The wife laid down on the bed for a nap.  Just then, an
elevated train passed by very close to the window and shook the
room so badly that she was thrown out of bed.
     Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lay down once
again, but another train shook the room so violently, she was
once again pitched to the floor.
     Exasperated, she called the front desk, asking for the
manager.
     The manager was skeptical, but said he'd come right up.
     "Look, lie here on the bed.  You'll be thrown right to the
floor!"
     So the manager laid down on the bed next to the wife.  That
is, of course, just when the husband walked in.
     "What," he demanded angrily, "are you doing here?"
     The manager replied meekly, "Would you believe I'm waiting
for a train?"


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MISSED YOUR TRAIN?
-----------------
     You're not alone, of course.  But rare is the time when one
of the crew misses a train...

          "Looking back over my train rounding the long curve at
     the Fredericksburg, Virginia, station some years ago, my
     conductor, hidden from view, used his radio to give me the
     highball for Richmond.  I'd gone only about a mile when the
     dispatcher toned in.
          "'Stop your train, Doug.  You've left one at
     Fredericksburg.  You have permission to back up and get him
     when you get someone in position on the rear to make the
     move.'
          "'Must be quite a big VIP for a backup move,' I said.
          "'You might say that,' the dispatcher chuckled.  'The
     VIP's your conductor.  Dropped his radio on the platform
     when you started moving.  He jumped down to retrieve it, but
     found that the fall had rendered it useless and he couldn't
     run fast enough to catch up to the train.'
          "Thank heavens for toll free numbers, as my conductor
     didn't have change for the pay phone.
          "Turns out he and the radio were both broke!"
                            - Columnist and Amtrak engineer Doug
                              Riddell in "Trains Magazine"


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ME, TOO?
-------
     Conductors always try to answer questions accurately, even
the dumb questions.
     Like the conductor approached by two guys on a railway
station platform while standing next to his train.
     "Can I take this train to Boston?" asks the first guy.
     "No," answers the railroad man.
     "Can I?" asks the second guy.

  -----

     Then there's the old story about the woman who studied the
schedule board for a moment, then asked a station agent, "How
long is the next train?"
     "About 1,600 feet," he replied honestly.


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DOG ON THE TRACKS
-----------------
     In railroad slang, a "dog catch" is a replacement crew that
goes out to fill in for a train crew that have exceeded their
legal working time, but that slang might take on a different
meaning in Fairfield, Connecticut because of a small dog with big
ideas.
     Alex, a 1-year-old dog Scottish terrier burrowed under a
fence in his yard, and was discovered missing around 8:30 P.M.
one evening.  His owner, June Linsely, searched for the dog,
alerted her neighbors, and called police.
     They searched the entire neighborhood without success.
     About 40 minutes after police and neighbors gave up on their
search for Alex, a police officer showed up at Linsely's door.        
"He said, 'I think you better sit down.  Your dog is in New
Haven,'" Linsley told reporters later.
     They had never suspected that the prodigal pooch was on its
way to New Haven aboard the Metro-North 9:14 p.m. commuter train. 
A railroad carman found the dog, read his tags, and called
Fairfield police.  The dog apparently boarded the train at the
Southport station, which is near its home.  A Metro-North police
officer drove Alex back home.
          [ Everyone did agree that Alex was well-
          trained. ]


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STEAL WHEELS
------------
     At least Alex the terrier was smart about his train trip.
     In the dim bulb department we have the attempted train trip
of 22-year-old Kristopher Huie in Johnson County, Texas, about 45
miles (72 km) southwest of Dallas.
     Huie jumped aboard a stopped Union Pacific freight
locomotive and managed to start the diesel locomotive's engine. 
But then he had trouble getting the train's air brakes to
release.
     OK, here's the test...  Did he:

          A)  Realize that what he was doing was extremely
          dangerous and stupid and give up.

          B)  Look for printed instructions or an operating
          manual.

          C)  Call the railroad's dispatchers on the radio and
          ask for their help in how to steal their train.

     Easy, isn't it?  Using the dumbest possible choice, Huie
called Union Pacific's dispatchers on the train's radio, and
asked for instructions on how to release the brakes.  Not
surprisingly, they he didn't get any such help.
     A passing conductor and engineer, alerted by the radio call,
overpowered Huie and held him for the sheriff.  Huie was jailed
and faces a felony charge of theft over $200,000.
     "I asked him what he wanted to do with the train and he said
he wanted to visit his family and friends," said Sheriff Bob
Alford of Johnson County.  "I asked him where he was going and he
said, 'Wherever the train takes me.'"  (Reuters)
          [ "Straight to prison" was probably not the
          first destination that had occurred to him. ]


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DUMB & DUMBER...
-------------
     Trying to beat a million-ton train at a crossing?  That's
just dumb.  Getting hit while doing it and then driving off? 
Lucky maybe, but still really dopey.

     The motorist in question, one Larry Ross, was trying to beat
a CSX freight train to a crossing in Augusta, Georgia on November
25 of last year, when his 1986 Chevrolet Caprice collided with
the locomotive.  The train dragged the car about 45 feet before
the auto dislodged and Ross sped away.
     Ross was later caught by police, and pled guilty to
hit-and-run and other charges.  He was sentenced to four years'
probation and fined $1615.
     It was the first time CSX officials had heard of hit-and-run
charges being filed in a grade crossing collision case.  Not
surprisingly, the locomotive was not damaged, and the crew was
not injured.  (Reuters)


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SONG OF THE SUBWAY...
------------------
     It's a little known fact that you have to have an official
permit to perform music in the Paris subway.  Not only that, they
actually hold auditions.  Now that's class.  One of those
performers, singing the most challenging voice parts of all, may
even have ridden that Metro train to glory.
     Frustrated French opera singer Marie-Reine Wallet,
performing to Paris underground train commuters to make ends
meet, found that it may have been the break she was looking for
all along.
     The 40-something soprano renounced her singing career after
failing to make her mark.  In a bid to get a job, she went to
university, earning a doctorate in French literature at the
Sorbonne, the French daily Le Figaro said on Thursday.
     But she took to singing Verdi and Puccini in the Metro for
some extra money and the love of her art, catching the attention
of an impresario who hired her.
     Wallet said she picked the Auber central subway station for
its superior acoustic qualities, but she also sings at the Opera
station - just beneath the main opera house in central Paris. 
(Reuters)
          [ I supposed you'd have to call that a
          professionally-trained voice. ]


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THINGS YOU CAN'T DO IN A CAR...
----------------------------
     Among the reasons trains are a superior way to commute in
big cities is the chance to make better use of the time than
watching the tail lights of the car in front.  Most people are
content to read books or newspapers, but for those with higher
ambitions, a Finnish college has just the thing: on-board
language lessons for early risers.
     The first on-train English lessons early one Tuesday morning
went well, a spokeswoman for the Riihimaki Adult Education Center
said.
     "Writing on the flipboard was a bit difficult, so we decided
teachers should prepare most of the material beforehand," Vuokko
Lyytinen from the college said.  She added that students were
also expected to do their homework.
     Roughly 30 adult students had signed up for the rolling
lessons in English, Russian and German on early morning trains
running to Helsinki from Riihimaki, about an hour north of the
capital.
     Language training courses have previously been offered on
trains in Germany and France, Lyytinen said.  (Reuters)


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NOW THAT'S SERVICE!
------------------
     Chicago's commuter train service, Metra, has been called one
of the best in the US.  Whether that is true or not, they do seem
to go the extra mile for their passengers - sometimes literally.
     Last year, when a hydrochloric acid spill from a metal
plating business prevented trains from stopping in Fox River
Grove, Illinois.  Metra had to drop off its passengers at the
next stop in Cary.
     Normally, Metra pays for buses in such circumstances, but it
took an hour for the nearest bus to get to Cary.
     So when Metra Deputy Executive Director Rick Tidwell was
awakened in bed with the call, he got up, got in his car, and
drove out to the station in Cary, not far from where he lives.
     He personally drove six passengers back to the station
parking lot, far enough from the toxic cloud to get their cars,
and in some cases he drove the passengers home, before getting
home himself at 1:30 a.m.
     "They were a little surprised, but it's not a big deal,"
Tidwell said  with a laugh.   "It was a big deal when I had to
get up at 5:30 the next morning."  (The Chicago Daily Herald)


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THE NEW AGENT...
-------------
     One of the old stories we've run across is the tale of the
small-town businessman who was appointed as ticket agent for an
interurban railway in the early 1900's.
     On his first day on the job, he noticed that all the trains
seemed to be departing about two minutes ahead of schedule.  That
would never due, of course, since people might miss their trains. 
New on the job and not wanting to get anyone in trouble, he
simply called the small town's telephone operator and asked the
time to be sure his clock was right.
     I should mention that there were no recordings back then, so
you talked to the actual switchboard operator who would give you
the time.  When the operator answered, he asked for the correct
time.  Finding that the station clock was only a few seconds off,
the new agent reset the time to the exact second.
     The next day he found that the trains seemed to be running
even further ahead, now being a full three minutes fast.  Once
again he called the telephone company, and once again he and the
operator had nearly the same time.  By the end of the week every
train through town was running over 10 minutes early, and his
clock still was perfectly set to the phone company's.
     Finally, in desperation, he called the telephone operator
again.  This time, when he asked for the time, he asked her if
she was absolutely sure of the time.
     "Oh, yes", she replied, "I know the time is correct.  Every
day on my way to work I set my watch to the clock at the
interurban station."


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© 2002 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.