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 [ BACK]  [NEXT]                       Issue #248 - 05/13/2001

MOTHER KNOWS BEST

Mom's the Word As We Look At Our Female Parents

Hi, All!
     Politicians love to spout praises to motherhood and the
flag, but especially to motherhood, probably because even they
had mothers.  It is one of the universal truths that everyone has
a mom, though, with modern technology, I begin to wonder if that
will always be true.  In theory, it may be possible some time in
the future to have a baby without having to be pregnant. 
Personally, I think that would leave the kids pretty bad off. 
After all, how would moms learn to come to grips with all of the
challenges of child-rearing.  And fathers would be just as bad
off, having never had to learn to come to grips with a pregnant
woman.  Yes, it would even leave the politicians worse off. 
Fortunately, nobody cares about them.
     This Sunday is a day we set aside to honor our mothers for
their hard work and sacrifice.  While days to honor mom date back
centuries and are common from Afghanistan to New Zealand, Julia
Ward Howe was the first to suggest the idea of an official
holiday in the U.S.  Later, Anna M. Jarvis (1864-1948) conducted
a one-woman campaign for the holiday, in order to honor her
mother, who had died on the second Sunday of May.  Eventually,
she got her wish and President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed the
first national holiday for Mom's Day.  Sometimes have to be
careful what you wish for, since Anna Jarvis grew to hate how
commercialized the holiday had became by the end of her life. 
Her original idea was a simple day to set aside for appreciation
and thanks, not another boost for Hallmark Cards stock.  And it's
true, of course...  If this is the only day you think to remember
mom, you'd might as well not bother.  After all, if you've
actually survived long enough to read this, we can be pretty sure
that your mom tended to YOUR needs more than once a year.
     Thanks this week to all of our SUNFUN friends and
contributors, but especially the moms out there, including: 
Carol J. Becwar, Eva Lu, Caterina Sukup, Fumiko Umino, Ellen
Peterson, Miki Taniguchi, Nancy Wohlge, Hiroe Sugiyama, Laura
Hong Li, Fumiko S. David, Rosana Leung, Nori Kreuser, Ria Luy and
Donna Becwar, without whom SUNFUN would never have been possible. 
Other contributors this week include: Bruce Gonzo, R.J. Tully,
Mary Crow, Jerry Taff, Jan Michalski, Tim McChain and Kerry
Miller.  For now, you folks continue on without me...  I have to
go wrap some presents.
     Have A Happy Week,

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     "There is only one pretty child in the world and every
     mother has it."
                            - Chinese Proverb.

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GRANNIES 1, LEOPARDS 0
----------------------
     Roving leopards are a fairly uncommon natural hazard in
parts of Nepal, but they aren't all that rare.  The spotted cats
can grow to be 5 feet (1.8 m) and are versatile hunters that will
attack everything from insects and small rodents up to antelope
and cattle.  Leopards are incredibly strong and have been seen to
carry away animals up to three times their own body weight.  As a
predator at the top of the food chain, these 150-pound (70 kg)
big cats have only one natural enemy.
     Grandmothers.
     At least, that's what one roving leopard found out after
pouncing on Khageswar Bhattarai, a 3-year-old boy who was playing
near the family home in the West Nepali village of Suping, a
little over 200 miles (300 km) west of Kathmandu.  The little boy
apparently looked like easy prey to the leopard.
     Seeing the attack from the house, the boy's grandmother
bolted for the yard and attacked the leopard, pouncing on its
back and wrestling with the animal.  Clawing at the attacking
cat, the grandmother forced it to release the little boy and
drove it off into the jungle.
     "Granny fainted for a while shortly after rescuing the baby,
who has sustained scratches on the neck," reported Sita
Bhattarai, the boy's mother.  Both child and grandmother were
treated for minor injuries at the hospital in the nearby city of
Pyuthan.  (Reuters)


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DON'T HAVE A GRANNY?  RENT ONE!
------------------------------
     As we've seen, everyone should have a granny to look out for
them and give them a good start in life.  Especially kids in
deprived areas.  That's the idea behind a new social service
program in England.
     The city of Thurrock in the eastern part of the country will
be first to try out the "rent-a-granny" program.  A volunteer
team of community grannies will be available to provide kids with
free advice, support and even help with household chores.  The
substitute grandmothers will meet with their children several
times a week, in an effort to make things easier for kids in some
of the poorest areas of England.
     Education and Employment Secretary David Blunkett said the
program "would make a huge difference to the lives of children
and families.  It is central to our drive to eliminate child
poverty and tackle social exclusion."  (Reuters)
          [ And any English leopards had better watch
          out! ]

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HOW MOM KNOWS WHEN YOU MISS SCHOOL...
----------------------------------
     Funny how mom always seemed to know when you had done
something wrong.  Though it still has many of the age-old
challenges, life has gotten a little easier for moms in some
things, even though more mothers are working away from.  One
modern change is that they can sometimes substitute technology
for instinct.
     At one school in Singapore, administrators have set up a
program to fight truancy by informing the child's mother
immediately if the student doesn't show up for class.  Kids had
better think twice before skipping at this school.  The classroom
teachers notify the school after taking roll, and the parents of
any missing students are immediately notified with an Email sent
directly to their cell phones.
     "I was hoping that through this system I actually reduce the
amount of administrative work for teachers and enhance the
home-school links," Tan Teck Hock, principal of Yishun Town
Secondary school said in an interview.
     In response to the E-message, parents can choose from one of
four pre-set replies to provide an excuse for the child's absence
or telling the school that they were unaware of their child's
whereabouts.  The latter case is more likely to be a problem for
the child when mom gets home.
     While the high-tech aspects and immediate response are
welcome, some have been made uncomfortable by keeping the kids
under such close supervision.
     "The idea is to cut down response time for the teachers and
for the parents... not to cause more stress for the student,"
said Victor Lim, president of the technology company that
designed the system.  (Reuters)
          [ Sure lends a whole new meaning to the
          phrase "I'll tell mom! ]


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     101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan are the only two Disney
     cartoon features with both parents that are present and
     don't die throughout the movie.

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PARENTING IN THREE STEPS
------------------------
     Like all of life's big events, parenting is a learning
experience.  It is clear that, after you've done it a while, you
develop a style and rhythm that makes your life easier.  Your
child's, too.  Parents are especially hard on first children
because they really don't know what they are doing.  It isn't
that parents with experience care less about the later children,
it is just that experience teaches you which battles to fight.


NEWBORN DAYS:
     First Child:   You stay awake for weeks at a time, listening
                    intently for the slightest sound of any
                    problem.  If the child starts to cry, you are
                    there at the bedside in three seconds or
                    less.  You rock the child for countless hours
                    and endless days at a time.

     Second Child:  You wake up whenever you hear the child
                    stirring and rush in at the first sound of
                    real distress.

     Third Child:   You let the child cry a little and wait a bit
                    to see if he falls back to sleep on his own.


MINOR ILLNESSES:
     First Child:   You call an ambulance immediately if the
                    child coughs or sneezes.

     Second Child:  You stay at the bedside 24 hours a day,
                    sleeping in a chair or on the floor.  You
                    call the doctor at least twice a day with
                    progress reports.

     Third Child:   You dip the child in Vick's Vaporub and call
                    the doctor only if that doesn't work.


DIAPERS:
     First Child:   You change the diaper seven or eight times an
                    hour, whether the kid is ready for it or not.

     Second Child:  You recognize the signs, and wait a while to
                    avoid having to do the job twice.

     Third Child:   You wait until the diaper has that
                    distinctive droop to it.  By this time, flies
                    might be following the child around.


PACIFIER:
     The child drops the pacifier and it falls on the ground...

     First Child:   You replace it with a brand new one of the
                    same model from your stock of dozens of
                    spares.

     Second Child:  You quickly wash off the pacifier under
                    running water.

     Third Child:   You catch the pacifier in mid-fall better
                    than 95% of the time, but if you miss, you
                    just wipe it off on your pants.


DRESSING UP:
     First Child:   You buy all new clothes several times a year
                    for the first half dozen years, taking out
                    loans to pay for all the clothes and shoes.

     Second Child:  You trade like-new clothes with other parents
                    as the child grows out of things.

     Third Child:   You re-use all of the hand-me-down clothes
                    from the first two children - even if the
                    third child is of a different sex than the
                    older ones.


PHOTOGRAPHY:
     First Child:   You have thousands of photos of the child
                    waking, sleeping and everything in between.

     Second Child:  You have hundreds of photos of the child
                    doing major firsts, like first bike ride,
                    first day of school, etc.

     Third Child:   You have approximately 27 photos of the child
                    taken at the rate of about three per year.


SCHOOL EVENTS:
     First Child:   You take time off from work and other
                    activities to attend every event in which
                    your child participates, including
                    kindergarten "show and tell."

     Second Child:  You attend all of the major events like
                    graduations, awards, etc.

     Third Child:   Your child's classmates believe that she is
                    an orphan.


DIET:
     First Child:   You custom-design a special diet involving
                    many exotic foods and supplements with the
                    help of the nutritionist at the local
                    children's hospital.

     Second Child:  You make good, nutritious - and very bland -
                    meals, then carefully puree them in a blender
                    for baby.

     Third Child:   Eat the stuff from the Gerber jar, kid.


EMERGENCIES:
     Your child accidentally swallows a coin:

     First Child:   In a panic, you check to see that the child
                    is alright, then immediately rush to the
                    emergency room, just in case.

     Second Child:  You check that the child is OK, then call the
                    doctor for advice on what to do next.

     Third Child:   You calmly inform the child that the money
                    will be deducted from their allowance.


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MOM'S LAST WORD...
---------------
     The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was
     asked whether or not she'd have children if she had to
     do over again.  "Sure," she replied, "but not the same
     ones."

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HELP WANTED - FEMALE
--------------------
     Serious inquiries only!  This is a demanding and strenuous 
position that will test your wits, physical strength and
emotional stability.  You must be able to lift, bend and scoop on
demand.  You will be required to accomplish many tasks
simultaneously while always maintaining a team approach.  The
hours have little or no flexibility: your work day will be 24
hours a day, 365 days a year with no time off for holidays,
although you are allowed to sleep a couple of hours a day on the
job.  You will have this direct, immediate response requirement
for at least your first 18 years on the job.
     Successful applicants must have knowledge in science, basic
math, art, crafts, finance, history, first aide, culinary skills
and quantum physics.  You must be able to answer any question at
a moment's notice and in a simple and concise manner.  Even
though this job requires constant updating of skills, retraining
and dedication, there is virtually no chance for advancement to
any higher position in the organization.  There is also no stock
plan, bonuses or pension, though extremely limited profit sharing
and pension plans may be offered, if you are very lucky.
     There will be no monetary or other material compensation
provided in this position.  Most often, YOU will be required to
pay to keep this job.  Nor will you be allowed any sick time,
vacation leave or paid time off.  You will be on call at all
times, even if you have someone covering part of your shift. 
Driving will be most often be required, and some overnight travel
as well, but there will be no travel allowance.  There is no
training program and you will be required to make all decisions
relating to your position, knowing that you have all of the
responsiblity but little control of the eventual results.  The
only tangible compensation from this job is knowing that you make
a difference to a small group of people.
     Consider seriously whether you really desire this position,
as you cannot resign once you have accepted and the position is
for life, even far beyond the usual retirement age age of 65. 
Failure to perform at full efficiency could even result in
criminal charges or other legal consequences.
      The job you are applying for is that of a mother.


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© 2001 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.