WORKING FOR A LIVING

We Employ Humor On The Job

Greetings, Fellow Wage Slaves...
     With the exception of a few of you who are retired, and
another couple who are independently wealthy, the great majority
of the SUNFUNers work for a living.  Or, at least they say they
do.  Maybe our bosses might see things differently.
     Work takes on an importance far beyond the money we make
there.  Most of the people we see every day are there.  People we
spend more time with than our families for at least five days of
the week.  Beyond that, our work is what we do.  Besides our
name, and maybe our family, our profession is a big part of what
defines us as human beings of worth and prestige.
     That said, work can get to everyone once in a while.  And
Americans do work hard, at least if you check the labor
statistics.  While most of the major countries have about the
same number of national holidays, ranging from a low of 8 in
Britain to 14 in Japan (the US has 9), the amount of vacation
time workers get is very different.  The labor laws are quite
different from place to place, of course, but our Canadian and
Japanese pals get a legal minimum of 10 days of vacation per year
and the Swedish and French get 25.  Managers in Italy are
required by law to get at least 35 days off.  The amount of
vacation time required by law in the US?  Zero.
     Makes you tired just thinking about it, doesn't it?  So,
Special Thanks this week to all of our hard-working friends,
especially those that take the time during their busy work days
to send along jokes to us, including:  Jerry Taff, Major & Judy
McCallum, Alison Becwar, Carol J. Becwar, Rosana & Stanley Leung,
Howard Lesniak, Kerry Miller, Mark Becwar, Jan Michalski, Bruce
Gonzo, Tim McChain, Charles Beckman, Barb Butler and the TMER&THS
gang.  So, any questions?  Good...  Now get back to work.
     Have A Great (Work) Week,


P.S.  The SUNFUN website music this week is in honor of our
friends in Seattle, who were working at IBM HQ when the quake hit
last week - it's Jerry Lee Lewis' "Shake, Rattle & Roll'."


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JOB PLACEMENT...
-------------
     OK, so your firm wishes to hire a new employee and is trying
to determine the best place to put them in the organization. 
This could be quite a challenge, unless you use the SUNFUN
Simplified Placement Test.  Simply take the prospective employees
and lead them to a locked room with only a table and two chairs. 
Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction.  At the
end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.


     If they have taken the table apart,
               put them in Engineering.

     If they are counting the cigarette butts in the ashtray,
               assign them to Finance.

     If they are waving their arms and talking out loud,
               they'd make great Consultants.

     If they are talking to the chairs,
               Personnel is a good spot for them.

     If they are mumbling to themselves and need a haircut,
               Computer Information Systems is their niche.

     If they comment that you got a good price for the table and
     chairs,
               sent them to Purchasing.

     If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from
     rain forests,
               Public Relations would suit them well.

     If they are writing up the experience,
               put them on the Technical Documents team.

     If they don't even look up when you enter the room,
               assign them to Security.

     If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks,
               send them to Marketing.

     And, if they are sleeping,
               they are definitely Management material.


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YOU THOUGHT WE WERE KIDDING?
---------------------------
     Now, just in case you thought that last crack at management
was a little unfair to those sleepy supervisor types, check this
study from the University of South Australia.
     Now, Australians love their "work hard, play hard" image
more than anything this side of Vegemite, but it may not be
entirely deserved.  A poll of more than 300 top executives of
Australia's biggest companies determined that eighty-seven
percent daydreamed in meetings and nearly one-third of the bosses
admitted to falling asleep often at work.  The survey on meeting
behavior and productivity also found that inefficient meetings
were wasting huge amounts of company time and money.  (Reuters)
          [ I'm sorry...  They wasting what?  I must
          have dropped off there. ]


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THE PERFECT JOB?
---------------
     OK, so we've found a theme here...  How about a position
that REQUIRES sleeping on the job?
     The Institute of Space Medicine in Toulouse, France is
seeking to map the impact of space travel on the human body.  As
part of their research, they are looking for 28 people to go to
bed for science.  The pay is pretty good, with an offer of up to
75,000 French franks ($10,700) for three months of total
inactivity.  How total?  The job requires absolute bed rest for
the entire three months -- with doctors, nurses and scientists
watching the entire time.  (Reuters)
          [ Not a bad deal, really...  Under French
          law, the 3 months in bed earns you 8 days of
          vacation to rest up. ]


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     "I don't want to retire.  I'm not that good at
     crossword puzzles."
                            - Seventy-seven-year-old NORMAN
                              MAILER, on why he's still working.

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NOT OH-KAY!
-----------
     The town council of Gold Hill, Oregon, voted to fire Police
Chief Katie Holmboe for selling Mary Kay cosmetics out of her
police cruiser while on patrol.  Holmboe, who was the town's only
paid police officer, also reportedly required suspects to profess
their faith in God before she would release them.  She had
previously announced her belief that some of the criminals she
arrested were possessed.
          [ Maybe the devil made her do it? ]


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ODD JOBS...
--------
     Brazilian journalist Marcelo Duarte is a man with a mission. 
Besides his usual job as a writer, he collects odd occupations,
many of which he has collected in "Curious Addresses in Sao
Paulo," a guidebook to the weird jobs people hold in his
hometown.
     Need a dentist for your pet rabbit?  A babysitter for your
bonsai tree?  Someone to adjust your anti-snoring alarm?  A place
to buy fresh ostrich eggs for that giant breakfast omelet? 
They're all in there, and more.  Call it a yellow pages of the
weird.  After all, where else would you find where to take your
dog for swimming lessons?
     "There are few places in the world that could generate a
book like this, but Sao Paulo is definitely one of them," said
Duarte, whose slightly strange guide to the unusual jobs in the
city of 16 million was published recently.
     And now that he's into it, Duarte finds that he can't stop. 
His Rolodex is filled with usual listings like the doctor who
specializes in treating dogs with psoriasis and where to find a
left-handed oyster opener.
     He's hoping that the next edition will have even more
listings, perhaps more than a thousand.
     "I just can't seem to stop," Duarte said.  "I think I'll
have a new guide in two years."
     Some of the 375 listings in the current edition have a
decidedly Brazilian flavor, like the entry on where to hire a
Marilyn Monroe impersonator who will jump out of a giant cake. 
Maybe that doesn't sound very local -- until you find out that
the unusual lady impersonating the very blond Marilyn in San
Paulo is black.  (Reuters)


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UP THAT LADDER YOU GO...
---------------------
     So many times we've heard of cases where workers have gone
to court to protest being passed over for advancement.
     This isn't one of those cases.
     In fact, former Birmingham, England city clerical worker
Beverley Lancaster, sued not because she was passed over, but
because her boss promoted her to a more responsible position
against her wishes.
     Not up to the stress of the new job, Lancaster retired three
years ago then sued the city for stress-related job injury.  The
court awarded $100,000 compensation.  (Reuters)


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HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW...
-------------------------
     We've seen this one coming, I guess.  With the schools and
colleges all concentrating on professional courses and high-tech
jobs, some positions for common jobs are getting very hard to
fill.  We've seen shortages of plumbers, electricians and bus
drivers, but now comes word that the high tech workers of
Malaysia may have to go shaggy because of a barber shortage.
     No one seems to want to go into the hair trade anymore,
according to the president of the Consumers Association of
Penang, S. M Indris.  This has caused the closing of at least 30
barber shops in the Malaysian capital of Kuala Lumpur.
     Things have gotten so bad that The Indian Barbers
Association of Malaysia has asked the government for permission
to import 2,500 foreign barbers to trim the locks of Malaysia. 
(Reuters)
          [ Either that, or the government could just
          encourage the return of 70's hair styles. ]


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WORK HISTORY
------------
     My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I
got canned; I just couldn't concentrate.
     Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just
couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
     After that I tried working as a tailor, but I just wasn't
suited for it mainly because it was only a so-so job.
     I next tried to get a job as an electrician, but I was too
short.
     Then I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too
exhausting.
     I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
     Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little
spice too my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
     My best job was being a musician, which was nice but not
noteworthy.
     I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I
couldn't cut the mustard.
     I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have
the patience.
     Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't
fit in.  I guess my sole wasn't in it.
     I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I
couldn't live on my net income.
     I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance
company, but I didn't like the job; the work was just too
draining.
     I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired
because I  wasn't up to it.
     So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I
wasn't fit for the job.
     I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there
was no future in it.
     My last job was working at a Starbuck's Coffee shop, but I
had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
     So I Retired and I Found The Job I'm Perfect At!


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