WAXING PHILOSOPHICAL

We Polish Up the Meaning Of Life, And Other Trivia

Dear Seekers of Truth,
     The usual complaint about philosophers is that they write in
such a stylized, jargonized, homogenized way that even other
philosophers can't figure out if they've said something
incredibly profound or if they're pitching story ideas for "Dumb
and Dumber II."  Our online pal David Spurrett of the University
of Natal in South Africa sent along this quote from the
philosophy book "Plato, Etc: The Problems of Philosophy and Their
Resolution" by Roy Bhaskar (Verso Press, 1994):
     "Indeed dialectical critical realism may be seen under
     the aspect of Foucauldian strategic reversal--of the
     unholy trinity of Parmenidean/Platonic/Aristotelean
     provenance; of the Cartesian-Lockean-Humean-Kantian
     paradigm, of foundationalisms (in practice, fideistic
     foundationalisms) and irrationalisms (in practice,
     capricious exercises of the will-to-power or some other
     ideologically and/or psycho-somatically buried source)
     new and old alike; of the primordial failing of western
     philosophy, ontological monovalence, and its close
     ally, the epistemic fallacy with its ontic dual; of the
     analytic problematic laid down by Plato, which Hegel
     served only to replicate in his actualist monovalent
     analytic reinstatement in transfigurative reconciling
     dialectical connection, while in his hubristic claims
     for absolute idealism he inaugurated the Comtean,
     Kierkegaardian and Nietzschean eclipses of reason,
     replicating the fundaments of positivism through its
     transmutation route to the superidealism of a
     Baudrillard."

     Well, same to you, fella!  You language stylists out there
will have already noticed that that little bleat was ONE
SENTENCE.  It's the kind of thing you could only read out loud
using an oxygen tank.  Surprisingly, the jacket blurb for
Bhaskar's book called it his "... most reachable work to date." 
Maybe you can figure out what he meant.  I. Kant.  And that is
the problem with philosophers; they are always saying wise-
sounding things that are so hard to follow that they are of
little use.  After reading philosophy for a while, you find
yourself wishing they'd say something wise or useful about
removing ketchup stains from your wife's best tablecloth.
     The only thing that makes this important is that everyone
has a philosophy, whether we know it or not.  We all have truths
that we believe or disbelieve, which is what philosophy is all
about.  And we all seek for truth, wisdom and meaning, if we ever
take a moment to think about what we are doing and why.  We do
what we do because we have at least convinced ourselves that it's
the right thing for us.  Even if we are just fooling ourselves. 
It would be so much easier if we didn't come up with so many
different right answers.  At its core, philosophy just makes you
think about thinking.  At least, I think so.
     Thanks this week to our ever-thoughtful friends and
contributors, whose wisdom we always appreciate - and that's the
truth.  This week, we honor the philosophers (and future
philosophers): Yoshiki Sugiyama, Jerry Taff, Kyle Peterson,
Caterina Sukup, Hiroe Sugiyama, Kenn Venit, Fumiko Umino, David
Zach, Peter J. Adler, Helen Yee, Nnamdi Elleh, Tim McChain, Jan
Michalski, Diana Lee, Jack Gervais, Alison Becwar, Carol Becwar,
Yasmin & Meredith Leischer, Dan Pittenger, Kerry Miller, Brian
Siegl, Bruce Gonzo and Howard Lesniak.  Now, before we're run
over by a train of thought, I should get out of here and let the
wise guys at it.  No, not the Three Stooges, although, even they
have a valid philosophy.  It's just that their world view
involves so much throwing of pies.
     Have A Thoughtful Week,


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     "I have yet to see any problem, however complicated,
     which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not
     become still more complicated."
                            - Poul Anderson

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     "The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar
     doctrine that age brings wisdom."
                            - H. L. Mencken

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THAT WAS ZEN, THIS IS TAO
-------------------------
     Some years ago, two great Buddhist teachers with very
different philosophical backgrounds met at Harvard University. 
They had agreed to test what is sometimes called a _dharma_ 
combat -- the clashing of great minds sharpened by years of study
and meditation -- for the benefit of Western students.
     The teachers were seventy-year-old Lama Kalu Rinpoche of
Tibet was a veteran of years of solitary retreat, and respected
Zen master Seung Sahn, who was the first Korean Zen master to
teach in the United States.  It was made clear that the younger
monk would begin.  The two monks, with their shaven heads settled
onto cushions in the familiar cross-legged position, sitting with
two young monks who served as translators.
     The younger Zen master was already gaining renown for his
aggressive method of hurling questions at his students until they
were forced to admit their ignorance.  Then he would bellow,
"Keep that don't know mind!"  The Korean reached inside his robes
and drew out an orange.
     "What is this?" he demanded of the lama.  "What is this?" 
This was a typical opening question, and he was clearly ready to
pounce on whatever response he was given.
     The old lama sat quietly, his serenity undisturbed.  He made
no move to answer.
     "What is this?" the Zen master insisted, holding the orange
right up to the Tibetan's nose.
     But nothing would disturb the old lama's composure.  After
some time, he leaned over quite slowly to his young assistant and
spoke quietly in Tibetan.
     "Rinpoche says," the younger monk announced finally, "'What
is the matter with him?  Don't they have oranges where he comes
from?"
     The dialog was ended and all were enlightened.


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     "I do not know whether I was then Chang-Tzu dreaming I
     was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly
     dreaming I am Chang-Tzu." 
                            - Chinese Philosopher Chang-tzu
                              (Or, a butterfly, depending on 
                              which truth you believe.)

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SUNFUN PHILOSOPHY 101
---------------------
     It is quite impossible to write anything funny without
having a philosophy about life.  If people take it seriously,
then either your world view is too straight or theirs is too
bent.  Or it could be the other way around.  So few of the
philosophers have been clear about humor.  So here are some
random bits of SUNFUN wisdom:

   - Life is like a roller-coaster; you alternate between wanting
     to do it all again and wanting to puke on your shoes.

   - Love, honor and friendships are only important because they
     keep you from going completely nuts.

   - I am often asked if life is a comedy or a tragedy.  It is.

   - We can learn great lessons from the old and wise.  We can
     also learn great wisdom from the very young.  You can't
     learn much at all from folks in between.

   - Worrying is never useful.  I used to worry whether the glass
     was half empty or half full.  Then I realized that, either
     way, I'd still have to wash it.

   - A surprising number of people don't mind being miserable as
     long as they have someone else to blame it on.

   - Follow your dreams (Unless it's the one involving Cindy
     Crawford, The Mormon Tabernacle Choir, you dressed up as
     Little Bo Peep and a swimming pool filled with cream
     cheese).

   - Before trying to fix anything, first attempt to determine if
     it is really broken.

   - Decide what you are going to do, then do it.  You can
     rejoice at the good decisions and learn from the bad ones. 
     If you make no decisions and learn nothing, you may as well
     give up and go into politics.

   - To develop a great reputation for wisdom, avoid doing stupid
     things when anyone is looking.

   - Those who can't do, teach.  Those that can't teach,
     criticize.  Those who can't even criticize, consult.

   - Excessive dignity makes one look silly.  When the poor,
     elderly man in the ragged clothes slips on the ice and
     falls, we are horrified that he might be hurt.  When the
     pompous millionaire in an opera cape and top hat slips on a
     banana peel and flops onto his backside, we laugh like there
     is no tomorrow.

   - Others can make you sad, but only you can decide whether you
     will be happy or not.

   - "Objects in mirror are closer than they appear" is also true
     when we look back on the important things we think we have
     done.  (thanks Fumiko)

   - All some people learn from pain is to be a pain.

   - World peace is like a jigsaw puzzle piece - we all have a
     small part of the picture, but it only becomes visible when
     we are all together and well-fitted to our place in the
     world.

   - Maturity is vastly overrated.

   - There is no need to change the world.  All we really have to
     do is toilet train it, and we'll never have to change it
     again.

   - Yes, God loves you.  He just isn't ready to make a
     commitment yet.

   - People spend thousands of dollars on assertiveness classes
     learning to be bitchy.  What they really need is
     absurdiveness classes, to appreciate just how foolish life
     really is.

   - Remember that you are special and unique - just like
     everyone else.

   - If ignorance really is bliss, why aren't all those stupid
     people happy?

   - Gaining wisdom is merely locating and learning to understand
     your weaknesses, then replacing them with new weaknesses
     that you have yet to understand.

   - If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be kind
     of vague.

   - Your view of life is channeled.  If you don't like what's
     going on, don't turn off, just change the channel.

   - Be a fundamentalist - the fun should always come before the
     mental.

   - As we seek for the truth, we may be swayed by the sweet talk
     of politicians and sales people promising an easier or
     lazier path.  Never listen to them; their sweet words cause
     truth decay.

   - Without personality flaws, many people would have no
     personality at all.

   - Contemplation is good, but don't overdo it.  Stare at your
     navel long enough and the entire cosmos will look like lint.

   - Time is a great healer - but a terrible plastic surgeon.

   - It is easier to be happy if you don't remember much.

   - Finding the answer to a question allows you to ask better
     questions.

   - You are here -- X.  

   - In some people, purity of the soul smells an awful lot like
     bleach.

   - Happy relationships with others and avoiding earthquakes use
     the same technique: when you locate a fault, don't dwell on
     it.

   - No matter how far you journey in seeking ultimate
     enlightenment, remember to watch for open manholes.

   - Searching for the key to happiness is completely useless
     once you realize that happiness was never locked.

   - Put a muzzle on your dogma so it can't run off and hurt
     anyone.

   - If you trust anyone who has to say, "Trust me," then you are
     certainly in for a great -- and painful -- lesson.

   - The wise man never does card tricks in front of the people
     he plays poker with.

   - Realize the binary nature of life.  When bad things happen,
     you are faced with a simple choice: you can get even, or you
     can get odd.  Getting even gives you only short-term
     satisfaction, but the hatefulness of such revenge will burn
     out your soul.  To really achieve oneness with the universe,
     there is no real substitute for getting odd.

   - It doesn't matter if my karma is faster than your karma; we
     all arrive at the same plane eventually.

   - The end of the world will only happen when everyone stops
     laughing.  Or perhaps, it won't be the end of the world. 
     But we will wish it was.


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     "Nothing is more significant of men's character than
     what they find laughable."
                            - Johanna Wolfgang Goethe 

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