Hello again, taxpayers!
Ah, Spring! The cherry blossoms in bloom and tulips coming
up all over. And taxpayers' spirits going down. For those of you
outside of the U.S., every year at this time we Americans
scramble around trying to complete our tax forms before the April
15th deadline. It must be tax time because of those tax
preparation ads on TV from companies like H&R Block. You never
hear from these companies at any other time of the year. Just
what do they do when it isn't tax time? I'm tempted to visit
their offices next October, just to see if the people are sitting
around knitting or making paper airplanes.
These days, tax forms have become so complicated that it's
hard to know if the numbers even make sense. Reading the
instructions isn't much help either. The simplest personal
income tax form, the 1040-EZ, comes with a book of instructions
so confusing that even the people who wrote it can't always
explain what they meant. That's part of the appeal of the
various "flat tax" ideas, like the one proposed by billionaire
Presidential candidate Steve Forbes. They would be convenient,
but like every convenience, they come with a price tag attached.
Has anyone worked out how much less the really rich - like Forbes
- would pay under any sort of flat tax? Or, who would pick up
the tab for this "millionaire's discount?" As much as we hate
the current system, paying more doesn't seem like much of a
simplification.
The problem is, so few of us are any good at that sort of
accounting. After a few hours working on tax forms, you get a
little crazy. Everything reminds you of taxes. You try to take
a break by reading a story to the kids. It doesn't help. When
you read in "Cinderella" about the fairy godmother making a
pumpkin into a golden coach, you stop to consider if that should
be filed as straight income or capital gains.
One dividend we have here at SUNFUN that can never be taxed
is the support and contributions of our friends, this week
including: Jerry Taff, Sylvia Libin He, Donna Becwar, Rachel
Caban, Robert Martens, Sue Yan, John & Ellen Peterson, Ray Sewel,
Dale Frederickson, Toshi & Yukari Kawabata, Beth Butler, Laura
Hong Li, Karen J. Crooker, Junji Taniguchi and Tomoko Naito.
Whoever you are and whatever you make, you can be sure that when
your ship comes in, the government will be ready to dock it for
you.
Have a "Less Taxing" Week!
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TAX FAX
-------
The average US worker toils for two hours and 47
minutes of each working day just to pay income tax.
Indeed, the average American pays more in taxes than
for food, clothing and shelter put together. (Wall
Street Journal)
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DEATH AND TAXES...
---------------
The old joke is that death and taxes are the only two
certainties in life. This year, the I.R.S. improved on that.
The U.S. government quietly modified the standard Form W2 that
lists yearly income. Nothing major, they just moved some of the
boxes around. But enough of a change that when 13,000 city
employees opened their tax statements for the year, they
discovered to their surprise that they were deceased.
The problem is that the "deceased" box is now where the
"pension" box used to be, so older computer software marks the
wrong box if you happen to have a pension. The government tax
people say it's no big deal, and they don't see any problem and
don't plan any correction.
A relief to city workers, of course, but maybe the really
disturbing thing is that, whether they have you marked as dead or
not, the government still wants the money. (Reuters)
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BETTER DEAD **AND** RED?
-----------------------
Meanwhile, tax collectors in Russia have been pushed by the
government to find any new sources of revenue, since the country
is nearly bankrupt. The tax folks there are under serious
pressure to squeeze out every ruble. But even the tax
authorities admit they may have gone too far in Onega, a town in
the far north of Russia. Authorities there put a number of
people on the list to pay land taxes who hadn't been obligated to
pay taxes in quite some time. Not since they died, anyway.
The local people have named the incident "Dead Souls," after
a famous Russian satirical novel. In the story, a nobleman buys
the "rights" to a large number of dead serfs, so he looks more
like an important land owner, at least on paper.
The Russian tax authorities, who obviously have learned a
few lessons from the West, blamed the mistake on a computer
problem. (Reuters)
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HELP WANTED - ACCOUNTING
------------------------
Accounting and financial people usually labor away quietly,
hardly noticed or recognized by society, though we all reap the
benefits of their organizational skill. And we hate to admit it.
But there's one place more than ready to give the finance folk
ample reward. Romania announced that they will rename the square
in front of the government headquarters and put up a statue to
the right person. All you have to do is straighten out the
books.
Of course, that's not going to be easy, after previous
governments hid billions in foreign debt by juggling the numbers
to disguise the problem. This has left Romania an estimated $7
billion behind in payments on it's outstanding debt of $8
billion.
One brave finance wizard who's stepped up to try to fix
Romania's faltering finances is Poul Thomsen, a chief negotiator
for the International Monetary Fund.
"I vow to name the square in front of the Victoria Palace
after Thomsen or anyone else offering a comprehensive solution to
this issue," Romanian Prime Minister Radu Vasile announced.
(Reuters)
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HELP WANTED - COMPUTER SCIENCE
------------------------------
Our own tax folks, the Internal Revenue Service, have spent
$4 billion over the past few years in order to modernize their
1960's-era computer systems. After all of the improvements, they
still lack a secure network and can only send tax records from
one office to another by truck. Treasury Department officials
admitted that the modernization is "badly off track." On the
principle of spending money until they get it right, the I.R.S.
has plans to spend an additional $16 billion. Even at that
price, critics have suggested that it may be worth it; as long as
the I.R.S. is focussed on their own problems, they have less time
to bother us. (National Review)
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DO AS WE SAY, NOT AS WE DO...
--------------------------
Members of the U.S. Congress make the tax laws, but a recent
survey of Congressfolk determined that the vast majority of them
felt that the tax codes were far too complicated, so they used a
lawyer or accountant to fill out their taxes.
[ Don't tax your brain, let us do it for you! ]
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OUT OF HIS DEBT...
---------------
"I couldn't believe it at first," said Darren Cooper of
York, England. "I thought it was a joke."
It was his tax bill that Darren couldn't believe, apparently
not realizing that the tax people aren't naturally humorous. The
bill threatened to take him to court if the balance of his taxes
weren't paid within 14 days.
Amount due: 1 pence (about 2 cents, US).
Naturally, Cooper rushed down to the council offices to pay
immediately.
"I considered paying the penny by cheque so the council
would have to wait seven days for it to clear," Cooper said, but
he was able to pay the debt in cash and used that instead.
(Yorkshire Post)
[ Government at work: it costs 26 pence to
mail a First-Class letter in the UK. To
collect 1 pence in taxes... ]
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" ... We don't pay taxes. Only the little people pay
taxes."
- Wealthy American hotel owner Leona
Helmsley, just before being sent
off to prison for tax evasion.
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TAX BITE...
--------
Some taxes hit closer to home than others. Take the case
recently in Cyprus, where the customs department recently slapped
a 45 per cent import duty on pig intestine. That set off a storm
of protest in Cyprus, since the million pounds (600,000 kg) of
imported pig intestine membrane is a key ingredient in a local
delicacy called "sheftalia."
While the tax amount is in keeping with European Union
standards, locals have pointed out that the Euro standard is
based of the intestine membrane's other use, which is as a base
for high-priced cosmetics. (Are you glad to know that?)
Apparently no one ever considered that people might also eat that
particular part of a pig.
"This will make sheftalia too expensive for anyone to
afford, and all because a civil servant had a brainwave. What's
the point?" raged the owner of a Nicosia kebab shop.
Officials have promised to look into reclassifying the
status of pig intestine for food use - not that it will make it
sound any more edible to outsiders. (Reuters)
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TIME AND MONEY...
--------------
- A billion seconds ago Lyndon Johnson was president.
- A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
- A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
- A billion dollars ago was yesterday at the U.S. Treasury
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WHERE DOES ALL THE MONEY GO?
---------------------------
Ever stop by the government's web site to read the budget?
It's there, thousands of pages of detail on what they do with all
the money we pay in taxes. Naturally, many of the items are in
response to requests by various lobbying groups. Along those
lines, here are some of the items requested by the SUNFUN budget
research group:
- $1 million for linguistic research to determine how to
pronounce the name, "Slobodan Milosevic."
- $2.6 million to the Agriculture Department to determine why
hot dogs come in packs of 10 and hot dog buns come in packs
of either 8 or 12.
- $275,000 in chaparone services for White House Interns.
- $148,000 for maps to show Congress that there really is a
place called "Bosnia."
- $18 to renew Jesse Helms's subscription to "Spice Girls
Magazine," which could be put in the Senate food budget
under "Condiments."
- $150,000 to renovate the Senate basement, including a
convenient tunnel to the nearest "Hooters" restaurant.
- $3.6 million to stockpile back bacon and Molson's Ale in
case we declare war on Canada.
- $50 million in a contingency fund for a special prosecutor
to investigate any Democrat running for president.
- A $2 billion offer for New Jersey to leave the United States
-- no questions asked.
- $15 for a new leash for the President's dog, Buddy.
- $150 for a new leash for the President.
[ This was supposed to be a joke... The
scary thing is, these make more sense than
some of the items that really ARE in the
budget! ]
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PLEADING NO CONTEST...
-------------------
A few years back, Northwest Airlines came up with a
promotion that sounded great on paper. The airline held a
contest with the top prize of a free trip to Florida by 727 jet
for the winner and 92 friends. "Win a jet to Florida and take 92
friends along," trumpeted the ads. "Take your relatives. Take
co-workers. Take your church group, lodge or neighbors."
'Take your tax accountant' might have been better advice.
The catch was that, as in all such contests, the winnings are
considered taxable income by the friendly folks at the I.R.S.
Meaning that the winner of this contest would have had to pay
taxes on the $50,000 prize value when they accepted the prize.
"No problem," said the airline. "We'll throw in another
$15,000 to pay the taxes."
"No good," said the I.R.S. "That's also taxable income."
Fortunately for the airline, the contest winner skipped the
fancy trip and tax problems, and took a quiet cash settlement -
which was also taxable. But at least then the winner had the
money to pay up.
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YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK
------------------------
Officials in San Francisco's Art Commission recently paid
local sculptor Joe Mangrum $2,000 of tax money for an artwork
entitled "Transmission 98." The sculpture placed in Justin
Herman Plaza consisted solely of a dismantled pile of auto parts;
the remains of the artist's 1986 Mazda. Even more embarrassing
was the fact that artist Mangrum owed the city $1,480 in parking
tickets on that car, leaving red-faced officials to admit that
the artist came out over $500 in the black.
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HONESTLY! SOME PEOPLE...
----------------------
Sometimes, people who fill out forms honestly and pay their
taxes right on time can still be in trouble. That was the case
for a 69-year-old man from North Carolina recently. John Calvin
Hodges declared all of his earnings for 1997 and still ended up
in court facing a long spell in a Federal prison.
Of course, it might have been wiser in the long run not to
declare the $14,000 in extra income from Hodges' side business.
The $14K was his part of the loot from a $17 million armored car
company robbery in October of 1997. The criminal gang paid
Hodges a "consulting fee" as a specialist in opening safe deposit
boxes in the armored car company's vault. (Reuters)
[ Those part-time business exemptions can be
tough! ]
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© 1999 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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