LETTERBOX EDITION

SUNFUN Goes Postal With Letters of Note...

Dear SUNFUN Friends,
     How are you this week?  Life has been busy as usual around
here.  Last weekend, we attended Carol's godson's wedding far out
in western Iowa.  The drive out was nice -- very pretty early
Fall scenes all through Minnesota and ...  (!)
     Oh, sorry folks, once I get into correspondence mode it's
hard to get back out.  In this age of Voice mail, Email, Faxes
and Pagers, it's still nice to get an honest-to-goodness postal
letter.  Even if we know we won't have time to answer it for a
while.  *** SIGH *** Despite the tremendous improvements in
communications, it seems like we communicate with writing less
than ever.  But the instant support that comes with telephone and
Email is wonderful; now your friends find out about the
happenings in your life right away, not weeks or months later. 
Modern life moves so fast that a letter that takes a few days to
get there may be hopelessly out of date.  You might have talked
to that friend on the phone and sent a few Emails before the
postalgram wanders up to their door.
     But letters still have the write stuff.  Being a serious
pack rat, I have saved most every letter I have received over the
last 20 years or so.  I finally gave up printing out all of my
Emails when I realized that I was single-handedly destroying
whole rainforests in South America.  The costs in paper, ink and
file cabinets was pretty steep, too.
     Notes of Thanks this week to our friends and correspondents:
Yuki Izumikawa & the gang, Caterina Sukup, Stanley & Rosana
Leung, Bruce Gonzo, Etsuko Hori, Laura Hong Li, Jerry Taff,
Timothy McChain, Dale Frederickson, Rick Kubsch, John Wallner,
Howard Lesniak, Beth Butler, Dick Ginkowski, Yasmin Leischer,
Sarah Morsman, Peter Adler, Nancy Wohlge, Jenny Erlandson and
Ellen Peterson.  Wow!  The thank you's are getting to be almost a
letter by themselves.  Thanks too for the patience of all of
those friends I owe letters to.  And a very special Thanks this
week to Charmaine Adler for letting me hang around all these
years.
     Have a Great Week -- and write soon!


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INSUFFICIENT POSTAGE...
--------------------
     There are times you really don't want a letter to come back. 
Now, most of us just put on a little extra postage, but some of
us try to live life on the cheap.  One of the latter type is
Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, who failed to use enough postage
on a letter bomb he mailed.  He must have felt pretty foolish
when the letter came back marked "Return To Sender --
Insufficient Postage."  So foolish that he forgot himself and
opened the package.  Unfortunately for him, the explosive worked
as designed.


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HEY, LANDLORD!
-------------
     EXCERPTS FROM LETTERS SENT TO LANDLORDS:

   - "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children
     until it is cleared."

   - "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired
     and burnt my knob off."

   - "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from
     the man next door."

   - "The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?"

   - "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away
     from the wall."

   - "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the
     kitchen."

   - "Our toilet seat is broken in half and is now in three
     pieces."

   - "Will you please send someone to repair our cracked
     sidewalk.  Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now
     pregnant."

   - "Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and
     would like to have a third, so will you please send someone
     to do something about it."

   - "Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a
     funny color and not fit to drink."

   - "Could you please send someone to fix the faucet in our
     bathtub.  My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very
     uncomfortable for us."


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DEAD LETTER OFFICE
------------------
     Jon Shamres of Fort Lauderdale, Florida got the surprise of
his life when he opened a letter from the Social Security
Administration addressed to his late mother.  As an assistant
attorney general for Broward County, he felt pretty confident in
closing out his mother s business affairs after her death the
previous December.  But this was a new one.  A form letter and
note from the local Social Security office demanded: "We've
received a report that you may be deceased. Please come in with
proof of identity."  Needless to say, his mother did not comply.  
(San Francisco Chronicle)


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THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE POSTAL LETTER...
-----------------------------------------
     The following letter was sent to my school; in the interest
of not making our state look any worse, I have deleted proper
names.  Except for that, what you see is an exact reproduction
...

 Dear [Faculty Member]:
     We are writing about a male or female musician, we have a
piano in our church, we have church on 1st. and 3rd Sunday, we
practice twice a month.  We are looking for someone can go off
with us, come and practice with us.  We are located in [Town,
State] about 20 miles from (you), our pastor is Rev. [Name],
president of the choir is Decon [Name].  If you are concerned
please contact us. 
- from the Web

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WHEN IT ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY WON'T GET THERE...
----------------------------------------------
     When George Bush was running for re-election in 1990, his
campaign sent a letter to many unions and other organizations
requesting their support.  In order to impress the folks out
there with how important and serious they were, the campaign
flacks sent the message by Federal Express.
     But those sentiments were lost on at least one union -- The
National Letter Carriers Union doesn't accept letters not
delivered by the U.S. Postal Service.


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LETTERS TO DEAR ABBY...
--------------------
     Abigail Van Buren has been writing an advice column in
American newspapers since 1956.  In that time she's answered 
tens of thousands of letters.  Most are normal requests for 
help and advice, but some have been a little more unusual:

     ----------

Dear Abby,
     A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a
middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her 
mid-twenties.  These two women go everywhere together and I've 
never seen a man go into their apartment or come out.  Do you
think they could be Lebanese?
   * Curious

     ----------

Dear Abby,
     I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on 
the pill for two years.  It's getting expensive and I think my 
boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well 
enough to discuss money with him.

     ----------

Dear Abby,
     I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and 
when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and 
said it would never happen again.

     ----------

Dear Abby,
     My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an
hour every week for two-and-a-half years.  He must be crazy.

     ----------

Dear Abby,
     Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a 
little gift?  I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and
he finally did it.

     ----------

   Dear Abby,
     My mother is mean and short-tempered.  I think she is going 
through her mental pause.

     ----------

Dear Abby,
     My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. 
I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday.  What do
you think he'd like?
   * Carol

Dear Carol,
     Never mind what he'd like.  Give him a tie.

     ----------

Dear Abby,
     I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and 
he's still chasing women.  Any suggestions?
   * Annie
     
Dear Annie,
     Don't worry.  My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if
he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.

     ----------

Dear Abby,
     I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I
can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it.  Any suggestions?
   * Sam
     
Dear Sam,
     Yes.  Run for public office.

     ----------

Dear Abby,
     I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my
age with no bad habits.
   * Rose
     
Dear Rose,
     So would I.

     ----------

Dear Abby,
     What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
   * Bess
     
Dear Bess,
     Night and day.


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UH-OH...
-----
     Quite a few years back, Eastern Airlines was trying to come
up with a creative promotion to improve their business travel
marketing.  As part of this, they introduced a special, half-
price "Take Me Along" fare for wives who accompanied their
husbands on business trips.  It was very successful.  The
airline's marketing department, thinking that testimonials from
satisfied customers would make great advertising, sent letters
out to all of the wives of businessmen who had used the low cost
fares.  But instead of letters full of praise and thanks, they
got a stack of angry letters demanding "What trip?!"


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