WORD BY WORD

Old Words, New Words...

Hi again, friends!
     We all have that most basic of human needs, to communicate. 
The wonder is that, most of the time, we do it so badly.  We
either don't tell the whole story, tell it wrong, or say things
the wrong way.  Nothing will get you into trouble faster than
using the wrong word -- or even the right word in the wrong way. 
Professional writers will sometimes slave over a sentence for
days, in almost physical pain looking for just the right word. 
Writer Catherine Drinker Bowen said, "For your born writer,
nothing is so healing as the realization that he has come upon
the right word."
     Last time we did this -- BRAVE NEW WORDS (02/22/98) -- we
covered quite a list of new words.  With language constantly
changing, it's not surprising that we'd have a new crop before
long.  Maybe we'll have to start calling this the SUNFUN virtual
dictionary.
     Before we get into Funnies, we have to say a few words of
Thanks to our friends and contributors:  Jerry Taff, Beth Butler,
Sue Yan, Yasmin Leischer, Akiko Inagaki, Timothy McChain, Laura
Hong Li, Libin He, Kiyomi Kanazawa, Greg Barone, Caterina Sukup,
Carol Becwar, Bob Martens, Peter Adler and Hans Nord.  Quite a
list, isn't it?  With all of the sources, it does get a little
confusing to remember everyone who sent stuff along for Funnies. 
If I've missed saying thanks to anyone, just say the word!
     Have a great week!


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YOU'RE BEING LET GO...
-------------------
     If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked when they
are ejected from their chosen professions, doesn't it follow
that:  electricians will be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed?
     You could say that Arctic explorers will be depolarized,
appliance salesmen deranged, strippers denuded and florists
deflowered.  Laid-off travel agents will be detoured, waiters
deserved, mathematicians derived, radio announcers denounced, and
chemists deoxidized?  Even musical composers will eventually
decompose.
     On a more positive note though, perhaps we can hope that
certain politicians will be devoted.


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VOCABULARY DRILL
----------------
     "As director of communications I was asked to prepare a memo
reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the
body of the memo one of the sentences mentioned the "pedagogical
approach" used by one of the training manuals. 
     "The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee,
I was called into the [Human Resources] director's office, and
told that the executive vice president wanted me out of the
building by lunch.  When I asked why, I was told that she
wouldn't stand for "perverts" (pedophilia?) working in her
company.
     "Finally he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand
that I be fired-and the word "pedagogical" circled in red.  The
HR manager was fairly reasonable, and made a copy of the
definition to send back to the vice-president.
     "Two days later a memo to the entire staff came out -
directing us that no words which could not be found in the local
Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos.  
     "A month later, I resigned.  In accordance with company
policy, I created my resignation memo by pasting words together
from the Sunday paper."
                                      - from the web


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NEW WORDS FOR YOUR DICTIONARIES:
-------------------------------

   - AREA 51  -  A secret U.S. government base deep in the Nevada
          desert.  By extension, where things around the office
          go when they're lost.

   - BANANA PROBLEM  -  A runaway process on a computer that
          won't stop, like a printer that keeps spitting out page
          after blank page.  From the old joke, "I know how to
          spell banana, I just don't know when to stop.

   - BETAMAXED  -  A technology overtaken in the market by
          inferior but better marketed  competition as in
          "Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out of the market."

   - BIO-BREAK  -  Bathroom Time.

   - BIT FLIP  -  A 180-degree change in personality.  "He was
          fine a hour ago, then he did a bit flip and started
          throwing things."

   - BIT SPIT  -  To send an electronic communication by Email,
          FAX,  Etc.  "Did you bit spit that proposal yet?"

   - BLOWING YOUR BUFFER  -  losing your train of thought

   - BOZO FILTER  -  Feature of modern Email programs that allows
          you to ignore Email from certain locations.

   - CARBON COMMUNITY  -  How computer geeks describe the real
          world.

   - CHIPS AND SALSA  -  Geek-speak for Hardware and Software.
          "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in
          your chips or your salsa." 

   - CIRCLING THE DRAIN  -  A nearly dead project that refuses to
          die.

   - CRAPPLET  -  A badly written or profoundly useless Java
          applet, like the huge silly ones that make the logo
          dance around on a company's web page.  "I just wasted
          30 minutes downloading this stinking crapplet!" 

   - CONSCIENCE  -  That part of the psyche which dissolves in
          alcohol.

   - CYBERCOASTERS  -  Those free AOL CD/ROM's, which serve
          nicely to protect the furniture in computer rooms.

   - DANCING BALONEY  -  Little animated pictures and other showy
          web page effects that are useless and are there just to
          impress clients.  "This page is kinda dull.   Maybe a
          little dancing baloney will help."  Often invloves the
          use of crapplets.

   - DECRUITMENT  -  A new-style term for being fired.

   - DEEP HACK  -  When a programmer hits a zone of concentration
          and achieves near oneness with the computer.

   - DEJA MOO  -  The strange feeling that you've heard this bull
          before.

   - DIPLOMACY  -  The ability to tell a person to go to hell in
          such a way the he actually looks forward to the trip.

   - EXPANSION SLOTS  -  Extra holes in your belt that come from
          too much time at the computer and too little exercise.

   - FLIGHT RISK  -  Used to describe employees who are suspected
          of planning to leave a company or department soon.

   - GENERICA  -  The suburban landscape of fast food joints,
          strip malls, sub-divisions.  "We were so lost in
          generica that I couldn't remember what city it was"

   - 'GOOD' JOB  -  A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job.  A detested but
          well-paid job that a person will quit as soon as they
          are solvent again.

   - HARDWARE  -  The kickable part of a computer system

   - HIGH DOME  -  An Egghead, Scientist or PhD.

   - ID10T  -  System operator speak for a not very bright user.
          Used so the computer people can speak and Email freely
          discussing the problem without the user catching on. 
          "We have an ID-Ten-T on this system."

   - IRRITAINMENT  -  Annoying things on television that you
          can't stop watching, like the O.J. trial, the Clinton
          presidency, Etc.

   - LACTOMANGULATION  -  Damaging the "open here" spout on a
          milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using
          the "illegal" side.        -- Rich Hall

   - MARITAL OUTPLACEMENT  -  Divorce.

   - MCJOBS  -  Low level service jobs that pay minimum wage.

   - MEATSPACE  -  The physical world (as opposed to cyberspace).

   - MICROSERFS  -  Underpaid, low-level employees of Microsoft
          Corporation.

   - MOUSE MILKING  -  Expending a huge effort for a tiny return.

   - MULTITASKING  -  Screwing up several things at once.

   - NYETSCAPE  -  Derogatory Nickname for the poorly featured
          America On Line Web browser that doesn't allow you to
          do many things a real web browser does.

   - PEBCAK - Tech support acronym meaning "Problem Exists
          Between Chair and Keyboard." 

   - PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE  -  The fine art of whacking a device
          to get it working  (see "Impact Maintenance")

   - PERFORMANCE MANAGEMENT  -  Finding ways to lay people off
          without getting sued.

   - PLUG AND PLAY  -  An experienced new employee who needs
          little training.

   - POWER SLUDGE  -  Dangerously strong, wake-the-dead coffee.

   - RECURSION  -  (adj.) A part of a computer program that
          refers back to itself, See Recursion.

   - REENGINEERING  -  Corporate managers buzzword for laying off
          lots of workers at once.

   - RESTRUCTURING  -  Corporate buzzword for laying off the
          company's managers when 'reengineering' the corporation
          doesn't work.

   - SEAGULL MANAGER  -  A manager who flies in with arms
          flapping, makes a lot of noise, creates a big mess and
          then flys off.

   - SCENERY  -  A distinguished board of directors chosen just
          to make a shaky company look good.

   - SILIWOOD  -  The coming convergence of movies, interactive
          TV and computers also "hollywired"

   - SQUARE-HEADED GIRLFRIEND (or BOYFRIEND)  -  A computer.

   - SUPREME BEING  -  The chairman or other high official that
          no one in the company ever sees, except in magazine
          articles in business magazines.

   - SWIPED OUT  -  An ATM, phone or credit card that has been
          rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn
          away from extensive use.

   - SYSTEMS APPROACH  -  Term used by management to convince
          workers that there is really a brilliant master plan
          behind their arbitrary decisions.

   - TELEPHONE NUMBER SALARY  -  A salary (or project budget)
          that has seven digits (i.e. $1,000,000 - 9,999,999).

   - TIME SHARING  -  having some life away from the computer.

   - TINK  -  Refers to the money paid to consultants, many of
          whom are single because of their gypsy lifestyle -  Ten
          Incomes, No Kids!

   - TOSsed OUT  -  Suspended by an online service for violating
          its Terms Of Service contract.

   - TREEWARE  -  Paper manuals and documentation.

   - UMFRIEND  -  Possibly sexual relationship or lover.  "This
          is Chris, my . . . um . . . friend"

   - UPGRADE  -  removing old bugs in order to install new ones.

   - UNINSTALLED  -  Euphemism for being fired.

   - VAPORWARE  -  Computer software announced long before it's
          introduction.  It may or may not actually be produced.

   - VOICE JAIL SYSTEM  -  A voice mail system with so many
          choices and holds that the caller gives up without
          bothering the company.  A cheap way to save on
          expensive technical help.

   - VULCAN NERVE PINCH  -  The taxing hand position required to
          reach all of the appropriate keys for certain computer
          commands.  For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II
          computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control
          key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On
          key.  This would be much easier if you could use your
          feet.

   - WAVE A DEAD CHICKEN  -  Perform a useless repair on a
          customer's hopelessly dead machine.  Done just to
          demonstrate good will on the part of the repair person.

   - XEROX SUBSIDY  -  Euphemism for making free photocopies at
          work.

   - "YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US"  -  You've reached a
          voicemail system and you'll be waiting on hold for
          about the gestation period of a blue whale.  Just
          hope you don't need to go to the bathroom and that you
          have your lunch within reach.

   - YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS  -  The $20 bills from an Automatic
          Teller Machine.  Often used when trying to split the
          bill after a meal.  "We all owe $8 each, but all
          anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."

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