Hello, Fellow Passengers!
Those of you who know me know that I really love trains.
Growing up where I did, with a rail line a few blocks either
direction from our house, I suppose it was inevitable. And son
Mark and I belong to The Milwaukee Electric Railway & Transit
Historical Society. This week, we have the annual model railroad
show here in Milwaukee. Most people seem to associate railroads
with the past, and picture steam engines and picturesque
passenger trains, but the railroad business in the US is bigger
and more alive than ever. Railroads here are even reopening
previously abandoned routes to keep up with the rising traffic.
The reason is simple economics - two people in a truck can take
two standard containers about 400 miles in a day. Those same two
people in a train can travel about the same distance, but they
can carry about 600 containers.
Yes, railroads have changed over the years. For one thing,
they used to have great and grand names in the old days.
CONRAIL, AMTRAK, & CSX don't have quite the same ring as the old
names like Chicago, Burlington & Quincy, Great Northern, Denver,
Rio Grande & Western and the Southern Pacific. One thing,
though, the old names were outright lies a surprising amount of
the time. The Chicago, Rock Island and Pacific Railroad ended at
Tucumcari, New Mexico - hundreds of miles short of the Pacific.
And The Beaver, Mead & Englewood Railroad was located entirely in
Oklahoma and never made it to either Beaver or Mead which are in
the state of Kansas.
But it's no exaggeration that I owe Thanks to quite a number
of you this week. Company passes to: Brian Tazalla, Jack
Gervais, Helen Yee, Dale Hoefner, Jerry Taff, Kerry Miller,
Howard Lesniak, Hong Li, Ellen Peterson, Timothy McChain, Sarah &
Jeff Morsman, Beth Butler, and the members of TMER&THS. Sunday
Funnies Railroad Special, now leaving on track three. All
Aboard!
Have a great week!
{ A quick note to our friends speaking British English
- the American 'Engineer' or 'Motorman' is an engine
driver and a 'streetcar' is a tram. }
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PREDICTING THE PENN-CENTRAL RAILROAD...
------------------------------------
"....that any general systems of conveying passengers would
answer, to go at a velocity exceeding 10 miles an hour, or
thereabouts, is extremely improbable."
- Thomas Tredgold in "Practical Treatise
on Rail-Roads and Carriages." (1835)
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TALES OF OLD MILWAUKEE...
----------------------
Like most cities, Milwaukee once had an extensive network of
streetcars and interurban trains. This system had a very good
safety record, but there were some times that you had to wonder
just how...
---------------
On the interurban line one day in the summer of 1930, a
conductor stood on the rear step of the single-car afternoon
train stopped at the Waukesha station. Believing that all of the
passengers for the stop were off the car, he signalled for the
motorman to proceed west to Watertown. Just as the car's brakes
released, a stout woman realized that she was going to go past
her stop, and, gathering her packages, rushed down the aisle and
the four high steps at the back of the car. Not seeing the
conductor, she collided with him on the bottom step and tumbled
out into the street on top of him. Neither was hurt, but there
was considerable embarrassment.
Meanwhile, the motorman had cranked up the controller and
headed out of town. He didn't realize anything was wrong until
he got to the Milwaukee Road crossing, where the conductor was to
flag him across. Looking back, he was amazed to see his
conductor running up the street, trying to catch up.
---------------
Besides falling off the cars, there were other ways that
crew people could get left behind. Jack Gervais recalls one day
in the late 1950's when he was motorman on a southbound Chicago
Limited for the old North Shore Electric Railroad. He had
brought the train to a stop at the Racine station and was waiting
for the signal to depart. Someone - they never did find out just
who - pulled the signal cord twice. Having received the proper
go signal, Jack advanced the throttle and headed for the next
station stop at Kenosha a little over 10 miles down the track
(16 km). On arriving there, the station agent informed them that
they had pulled out just a little early, and left the collector
(assistant conductor) from the rear car standing on the platform
in Racine. He'd be along any time now - by cab.
---------------
Once in the mid-1930's, a new motorman was taking a Route 17
car east in downtown Milwaukee. He was far behind schedule and
realized that he'd never get to the end of the line in time. So
to try to get back on schedule, he gave all his passengers
transfers and turned back short, intending to loop around the
block and head back west on his route. At this point though, he
became confused, and missed his turn-off, ending up on the track
shared with the high-speed suburban trains. This is the railroad
equivalent of taking the wrong road and ending up on the freeway,
only this motorman was on high-speed tracks in a low-speed city
streetcar. To make matters worse, one of the suburban trains was
right behind him. Our hero couldn't find a siding to get off the
main line until he was over a hundred blocks west of downtown.
Sunday Funnies being a family publication, I won't repeat
just what the dispatcher said to the motorman when he found that
one of his cars was 90 blocks from where it should have been, off
schedule, and on the wrong railroad...
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LEFT HOLDING THE BAG ON THE NORFOLK SOUTHERN...
--------------------------------------------
It's an indelicate subject at best, but train crews on the
Norfolk Southern Railroad have reached their limits. NS is the
last major railroad in the US to resist installing toilets on
their locomotives. After all of the mergers and consolidations
here in the US, railroad terminals tend to be about 200 miles
apart. So, to take care of practical necessity, the NS railroad
issued the train crews plastic trash bags.
Not enjoying the idea of travelling hundreds of miles with
used bags, the crews took to simply tossing them out the window.
After some farmers complained about this, the company did what
any bone-headed, autocratic company would do. Management
numbered the bags and required crews to turn them in at the end
of their runs.
Having seen this argument go from foolish to stupid, the
State of Pennsylvania started enforcing a law that requires
toilets on all trains running there. But, in other states across
the Southeastern US, you may still see trains pulling up at
McDonald's and gas stations. (Trains Magazine)
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You can't tell which direction the train has gone by
looking at the track!
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FAIL SAFE DEPARTMENT
--------------------
Early in the Amtrak era, it was common practice to put
multiple engines on trains whether they really needed that much
power or not. This was because the equipment the national
passenger line had inherited from the freight railroads was so
unreliable.
On one such train, the lead engine failed. This wasn't a
major problem since the controls still worked and the second
engine could pull the train. Then the second locomotive failed,
too, leaving the train stranded on the track.
The conductor, an old railroad veteran, took it in stride
and notified the passengers that they were going to be a little
late. "Ladies and gentlemen, both engines we had available have
failed and we're stuck right here until the railroad sends
another locomotive to pull the train. On the bright side, aren't
you glad you were on a train when this happened and not in an
airplane?"
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WELL, THAT CERTAINLY CLEARS THAT UP MISTER - UH, MISS...
-----------------------------------------------------
Officials of the London subway system announced a plan to
provide for riders who are undergoing a sex change operations.
To avoid confusion, transsexual riders will be issued two
identity cards, one listing the rider as a man and one as a
woman.
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THAT RUN DOWN FEELING...
---------------------
Usually, passing out dead drunk isn't good for your health,
but it probably saved one man's life recently in Oshawa, Ontario
(Canada). A man there passed out on the railroad tracks and
remained unconscious as a long freight train approached. The
engineer sounded the air horn and threw the brakes into
emergency, but was unable to stop the train before running over
the man. When police arrived at the scene, they found a
43-year-old man still peacefully asleep under the train, and not
having suffered even a scratch. "If he had woken up and sat up
he would have been in trouble," said Sgt. Jim Grimley. (CP)
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JUST ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER...
----------------------------
At a station stop, a railroad vice-president walked up to
the locomotive and started chastising the engineer. "You were
going 65 MPH back there and the speed limit is only 60, I saw it
myself on the speedometer in the business car!"
"Couldn't have been," said the engineer, "My speedometer
said 60 and I never saw you go past."
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TRAIN GAMES
-----------
Three lawyers were going to a conference on a train with
three engineers. The engineers, underpaid as usual, only had
enough cash to buy one ticket for the three of them. The lawyers
were amazed that the engineers would get on the train with only
one ticket and asked how they expected to get away with it.
"Just watch!," the engineers replied.
So, just when they heard the conductor coming around to
collect tickets, the three engineers crammed themselves into the
tiny bathroom. When the conductor knocked on the bathroom door
and exclaimed, "Ticket, please," the engineers neatly slid their
one ticket under the door. When the conductor left, they
returned to their seats in the coach and no one was the wiser.
Needless to say, the lawyers were amazed. Days later, on
the way back from the conference, the lawyers decided to try the
trick themselves. This time they were amazed to see that the
engineers hadn't bought even a single ticket. The lawyers asked
the engineers what was the trick this time.
"Just watch!" the engineers replied.
Soon, they heard the conductor coming around, so the three
lawyers squeezed into one bathroom and the three engineers hid in
another one nearby. Then, one of the engineers left their
bathroom and knocked on the door of the bathroom where the
lawyers were hiding. "Ticket, please," he said.
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© 1997 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.
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