POLITICALLY INCORRECT!

Politicians and other party animals...

Hello again, friends!
     There sure was alot of political news over the last week. 
The visit by President Jiang to the US is big news, of course. 
And the gyrations of the stock markets all over the world.  And
the latest round of political scandals, too.  One thing in the
political news struck me funny this week.  Congress had an
unusually strong reaction to the Clinton plan to reduce global
warming.  They're against it, of course.  You had to know that
Congress would take any plan to limit the production of hot air
personally, right?
     I don't think I'll violate any campaign spending laws by
thanking our loyal contributors: Ellen Peterson, Dale
Frederickson, Hong Li, Jerry Taff, Beth Butler, Tomoko Naito,
Peter Adler, Libin He, Kerry Miller, Sarah & Jeff Morsman and Tim
McChain.  Nice to enjoy the popular support!  Now there's an idea
- The Funnies Party...  It would be the same as all the other
political parties, just with a more honest name.  'Vote Funny'
does have an interesting ring to it!
     Have a great week!


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IN-TENTS NEGOTIATIONS DEPARTMENT
--------------------------------
     With all of the media coverage of the China-US summit this
week, you'd think that every detail has been made public.  But
that's not quite true.
     The US had wanted to invite more people to the state dinner
for President Jiang Zemin than the East Room of the White House
would hold.  The White House suggested holding the dinner in a
large tent on the White House lawn.  The use of such tents has
become routine at the White House, having been used recently for
the state visit by the President of Ireland.  The Chinese
preferred the traditional dinner in the White House East Room
because that's where the late Deng Xiaoping was entertained
during his 1979 visit.
     The after-dinner entertainment for the state dinner was
provided by the National Symphony Orchestra, which performed a
selection of American tunes.  Someone at the White House was
aware that President Jiang enjoys American popular music.  At an
Asian Pacific Economic Cooperation summit last year ago, he sang
the old Elvis Presley song "Love Me Tender" with Philippine
President Fidel Ramos.  (Reuters)
          [ The Chinese did reject the suggestion that
          Jiang join Clinton on "Blue Suede Shoes" with
          Clinton on the Sax. ]


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NO SHOW
-------
     Earlier this year, after the death of Deng Xiaoping, the
Chinese government ordered all theaters in that country to have
non-stop showings of six films on the life of the late Chinese
leader.  Business was light, to say the least.  "We sold one
ticket," a theater manager said.  Many theaters decided to close
until after Deng's funeral, when they could show something else. 
(Reuter)
          [ Too bad...  "Comrade Deng and the Second
          Five-Year Plan" is such a great movie
          title... ]


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     Crime does not pay . . . as well as politics.

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PARTY ANIMALS...
-------------
     The latest mayor of Guffey, Colorado is against the leash
law for dogs.  The law would have an unusually direct affect on
the mayor, since she's a golden retriever named Shasta.  The town
has a has a rich history of "pet" politicians since 1988,
including several cats running on the "Demo-Cat" platform. 
"Repuplican" mayor Shasta has a good rapport with the voters. 
"She really does listen to you, unlike real politicians who only
act like they listen," said Bruce Buffington, the dog's owner. 
(AP)
          [ Dog-gone weird, if you ask me... ]


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     "I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a
     Democrat."                    - Will Rogers (1879-1935)

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RAISING A RED FLAG DEPARTMENT
-----------------------------
     While President Jiang was getting all the coverage here in
the States, Taiwan President Lee Teng Hui was visiting Honduras,
where he got quite a surprise.  The Honduran government had
placed full-page ads in the papers there, welcoming Lee to their
country.  But instead of showing the Nationalist Chinese flag of
Taiwan, the ads showed the red and gold flag of its bitter rival,
the communist People's Republic of China.
     That might have been bad enough, but one local newspaper
also showed a picture of President Lee and his wife arriving in
the Honduran capital.  The "wife" in the picture was not Lee's
wife, but a political adviser named, Yu-Chen Yue-ying.


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     When a politician gets an idea, he usually gets it wrong.

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KEEPING UP APPEARANCES
----------------------
     When Vice President Al Gore visited Denver last March, the
head of the city's water department decided that the South Platte
River didn't look impressive enough as a backdrop for good
photos.  So he ordered that the flow be boosted by releasing
almost 100 million gallons from local reservoirs.  The Rocky
Mountain News reported that this amount of water is worth nearly
$60,000 in perpetually dry Colorado, and could have supplied the
needs of nearly 300 families this year. (AP)
          [ I got it...  A big drip and a bigger one! ]


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     "If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get
     us out?" "                    - Will Rogers (1879-1935)

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SO, WHAT IS YOUR POINT SIR?
--------------------------
     Politicians were unhappy with a decision last Fourth of July
in Green Bay, Wisconsin.  The local community decided that they
wouldn't allow any politicians in the parade celebrating the
holiday.  "They allow horses, donkeys and clowns, but they won't
allow us," fumed state Representative John Ryba. "We're not good
enough."  (AP)
          [ Uh... Right! ]


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     In politics stupidity is not a handicap.

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WHO CARES ABOUT VOTER APATHY
----------------------------
     Dutton Island, Florida reached a new high in voter apathy
last year in an election to decide whether the island was to be
annexed by the city of Atlantic Beach.  Only one voter on the
tiny island was eligible to vote, and he stayed home.


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PUNCTUALITY WEAK DEPARTMENT
---------------------------
     To emphasize the importance of moving the Philippines into
the modern world, President Fidel Ramos declared a 'Punctuality
Week' earlier this year.  Unfortunately, President Ramos arrived
over an hour late for the announcement, since he had stayed up
late watching television the night before and overslept. (AFP,
Reuters)


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     To err is human. To blame someone else is politics.

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WHY, HE LOOKS JUST LIKE HIMSELF!
-------------------------------
     The late Hubert Humphrey was well known as a hardy
campaigner who loved to go out on the streets and shake hands
with everyone in sight.  In one small town, Humphrey's campaign
manager decided to have some fun with this trait.
     On seeing a bus load of people entering a local restaurant
in one small Minnesota town, the campaign manager suggested that
this might be a good time to meet the people and shake a few
hands.
     The campaign manager went in first, but instead of
introducing Humphrey, he pretended to be the mayor of the small
town.  Before Humphrey entered the restaurant, he told the
visitors that there was a local lunatic who thought he was Hubert
Humphrey, and even looked alot like him.  He asked them to please
be kind to this harmless but sadly deranged man.
     Humphrey never quite understood the very odd reaction he got
that day.


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     Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.

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DOES FISCALLY RESPONSIBLE JUST MEAN CHEAPSKATE?
----------------------------------------------
     Rupert Allison, the Member of Parliament for Torbay district
in England decide to go out for a meal at an Italian restaurant
in his district on the eve of the recent elections there.  He
didn't leave a tip, which caused all 14 of the restaurant's staff
to decide to vote against him in the election.  Rupert lost the
election - by 12 votes.  (BBC)


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     To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above
     your principles.

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A POLITICIAN WITH NOTHING TO HIDE?
---------------------------------
     One rule of politics is to make a name for yourself and show
that you have nothing to hide.  That was certainly true at the
recent wedding of a Taiwanese politician and ex-stripper who had
run for several posts in the past few years with limited success.
Hsu Shao-tan assured press coverage of her wedding ceremony by
deciding to get married in the nude.  The public ceremony in
Kaohsiung included a performance by dancers wearing only body
paint.  A popular radio show host, Hsu said she might run for
office again.  (Reuters)
          [ Well, nobody could accuse her of pocketing
          bribes, anyway... ]

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