Crook in the Neck?

Incompetent Crooks

Hi again!
     Well it's been a busy week here - looks like it's been busy
all over.  The police have been pretty busy lately, too.  Most
everybody likes a good crime story.  John Grisham sure sells alot
of books...  But these stories don't come from the kind of crooks
that would be on 'Columbo', they seem more like candidates for
the sequel to "Dumb and Dumber".  There may be some clever crooks
out there somewhere, but these guys are not the ones.  They are
funny, though!  Perfect for 'Sunday Funnies'.  I also ran across
a couple of crazy academic stories, they aren't crooks but they
were too funny to pass up...
     Hope you have a good week,



--------------------------------------------------------------

POLICE BLOTTER DEPARTMENT...


 -  Willie King, 37, was arrested moments after he had allegedly
mugged a 94-year-old woman in a housecoat just outside her front
door in New York's Greenwich Village in July.  The woman is the
mother of Vincent "Chin" Gigante, the reputed Mafia godfather of
the Genovese crime family.   [New York Post] 

   { Last I heard, King is still alive, though I wouldn't want to
      be his insurance man... }


 -  In June, Federal inmate Arthur Morrison, who had served 46
months of his 51-month sentence for threatening former
girlfriends, finally got his wishes to withdraw his guilty plea
to those charges, to go to trial, and to be his own lawyer.  New
York City prosecutors said their evidence (including audiotapes)
is still overwhelming and that they would seek a sentence of at
least 15 years.  Morrison acknowledged that his chances of
winning at trial were slim. [New York Times]  

   { One case where 15 is Not less than 51. }


 -  Earlier this year, Michael J. Lewis, Sr., serving time in
Missouri for a gas station robbery, called the county attorney's
office just out of curiosity, to find out why he had never been
prosecuted for a 1993 bank robbery with which he had been
charged.  The prosecutor discovered that the file had been
misplaced and that only a few months remained to bring Lewis to
trial before the statute of limitations would run out.  In June,
Lewis, already serving 10 years, plea-bargained to another 10.
[St. Louis Post-Dispatch] 

   { "You have the right to remain stupid... " }


 -  Fifteen New York City police officers were indicted in July
and as many as 700 other city employees are under investigation
for not paying federal taxes.  The cops had paid between $900-
$2000 for fake-legal-nonsense documents from con artists who
had convinced them that they could legally claim not to be
subject to government jurisdiction, despite the fact that they
were police officers.  In the document, the officers were
"non-immigrant non-residents" who are "alien to the United
States."  In each case, the City payroll office unquestioningly
accepted the form and did not withhold federal tax, in some cases
for up to four years. [New York Daily News] 

   { They are lucky; they could have had to deal with the INS    
      instead of the IRS }


 -  Jeffrey J. Pyrcioch, 19, and an alleged accomplice were
arrested in West Lafayette, Ind., in May on theft and fraud
charges.  Pyrcioch allegedly cashed checks that he had written
with disappearing ink, apparently believing the checks would be
blank by the time they were presented to the bank for collection. 
However, traces of ink remained, and police said Pyrcioch would
have a better chance of getting away with it if he had not used
checks pre-printed with his name and account number on them.
[Washington Post] 

   { Did the checks give his address too? }


 -  Last Spring, Ernie Lorenz, 19, and Earl Harrison, 18, were 
arrested in Lincolnwood, Ill., after police were called to a 
mall department store.  According to a clerk, the two men had 
approached him and asked politely if he would permit them to
pay for clothes with a stolen credit card.  [Skokie Life]


 -  Columbus, Ohio, police arrested Timothy E. Lebo, 39, and
Charles J. Kinser, 32, around 5 a.m. on June 5 and charged them
with ripping an Automatic Teller Machine out of a bank's wall and
attempting to carry it away in the trunk of their car.  When
questioned by police, the pair tried to convince officers that
the ATM was a washing machine. [Columbus Dispatch] 


 -  In June, Felix Rivera, 33, got stuck in a rooftop vent while
allegedly burglarizing a San Antonio, Tex., convenience store to
get a beer and had to be rescued by firefighters before police
could arrest him. [San Antonio Express-News] 


 -  In June a judge in Anderson, Ind., first set bail at $10,000
for Virldeen Redmon, 67, who had been arrested for public
intoxication and driving with a suspended license.  However, he
raised the bail to $100,000 when he saw Redmon's record:  He has
been arrested nearly 400 times on alcohol charges since 1947,
had his driver's license suspended 33 times between 1947 and
1976, and had his license suspended "for life" in 1977. [Boston
Sunday Herald-AP] 


TRULY STRANGE DEPARTMENT ---

 -  In June, a grand jury on Long Island (N. Y.) returned
indictments against three men who allegedly plotted to poison
Suffolk County officials with radioactive substances in their
food.  The three men, John J. Ford, Joseph Mazzuchelli, and
Edward Zabo, believe that a UFO crashed on Long Island in 1995
and was being covered up by the government, and eliminating the
officials would make it easier for the three men to gain power
and expose the crash.  Said district attorney James M. Catterson,
"This all convinces me that there is a side to humanity that
defies definition."   [New York Times] 


 -  Ms. Terry Klemann, 42, received several traffic citations and
was ticketed for filing a false report after her car rammed two
pickup trucks in Belleville, Ill., in July.  Klemann insisted
that her cocker spaniel, Mutzie2, had gotten behind the wheel and
had driven the car into the trucks.  Later, she told the
Belleville News-Democrat that several years ago the original
Mutzie had driven Klemann's friend's car into a tree in New York
City. [Belleville News-Democrat]

   { So if the dogs drive so badly, why does she keep giving them 
     the keys? }


 -  In June, the Arkansas State Medical Board ordered Waldo,
Ark., family physician Jewel Byron Grimmett, Jr., to start
keeping written records.  At a hearing, Grimmett told board
members that he has kept all patient histories, including
prescription records, only in his head for the 35 years he has
been practicing medicine.  Grimmett avoided license revocation
because he is Waldo's only doctor and because, according to
him, he treats about half his patients for free. [Arkansas
Democrat-Gazette] 

   { "Oh and by the way Mr. Jones...  My records show that you're
      pregnant." }


MEANWHILE, OVER IN THE ACADEMIC DEPARTMENT -

 -  In May, a Portuguese-American, Dr. Manuel Luciano da Silva
spoke at the Newport (R. I.) Public Library, delivering his 327th
lecture on the reasons why he believes Portugal discovered
America even before Columbus was born.  [Providence
Journal-Bulletin] 

   { Does he also want to rename Columbus, Ohio to Da Silva, 
     Ohio? }


 -  In his recent book, Cosmic Voyage, Courtney Brown, a
political science professor at Emory University in Atlanta, Ga.,
claims he has used the technique of "remote viewing" to travel 
visually through space and time, to observe another galaxy, and 
to talk with Jesus.  Brown, pointing to his impressive resume
(which includes work at the Jimmy Carter Center), defends his
work against skeptics:  "I'd be crazy if I went public with
something like this without being certain about what's going on." 
Since he believes there is a Martian civilization in New Mexico,
he admits that if NASA's probe of Mars next year contradicts him,
"I'd be dead as an academic."  [Kansas City Star] 

   { Hope he already has an academic plot and tombstone... }