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 [ BACK]  [NEXT]                                                   Issue #004 - 09/08/1996

Sunday Funnies: The Sequel

Claims of the Paranormal Department...

Hello again, friends!
     The following are actual statements found on insurance claim
forms where car drivers tried to summarize the details of an
accident in the fewest words.  Not an easy writing task, because
it leads to some strange conclusions:

   - Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with
     a tree I don't have. 

   - The other car collided with mine without giving warning of
     its intention. 

   - I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when
     I put my head through it. 

   - I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. 

   - A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. 

   - A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. 

   - The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of
     times before I hit him. 

   - I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
     mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment. 

   - I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone

   - I had been shopping for plants all day, and was on my way
     home. As I reached the intersection, a hedge sprang up
     obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car. 

   - I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at
     the wheel and had an accident. 

   - I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my 
     universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident. 

   - As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared
     in a place where no sign had ever appeared before. I was
     unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. 

   - To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck
     the pedestrian. 

   - My car was legally parked as it backed into the other

   - I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my
     hat, found that I had a fractured skull. 

   - I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other 
     side of the road when I struck him. 

   - The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran
     over him. 

   - I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced
     off the hood of my car. 

   - In indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a
     small car with a big mouth. 

   - I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later
     found in a ditch by some stray dogs. 

   - The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to
     swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.

   - An invisible car come out of nowhere, struck my car and

© 1996 by Bill Becwar. All Rights Reserved.